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Former Ole Miss golfer Jackson Suber is shouting SURELY YOU JEST

If he tried to burn down the clubhouse after what happened on Thursday, no jury would convict.

Sanderson Farms Championship - Round Two Photo by Jonathan Bachman/Getty Images

On Thursday, our former men’s golf son, Jackson Suber, teed off at the Astara Golf Championship not knowing he was going to be on the wrong side of history.

Suber, who turned pro in 2022, is trying to grind through the Korn Ferry Tour and earn his PGA Tour card, which is one of the toughest grinds in all of sports. You may be asking, how tough can a golf grind be for most young players? Well, BUCKLE UP.

This week’s Korn Ferry stop is in Bogota, Colombia, which comes after a stop in Panama City, Panama. So if you’re tallying the grind points, that’s Central and South American travel in the span of a week.

Coming into Bogota,* Suber was 46th in the Korn Ferry points list. Obviously, he needed a good start to get momentum for a good performance over all four days. He did exactly that on Thursday, firing an 8-under 62 (par 70), with a birdie, birdie, eagle, birdie, par finish.

*Speaking of Colombia, ‘Clear and Present Danger’ still RULES. If it’s on TV, you better believe I’m all in. And “Variable” as a call sign is one of the elite call signs (iykyk).

Pretty good:

On a personal note, if I ever finished a round birdie, birdie, eagle, birdie, par, I would never play again.

As for Suber, with a 62 under his belt, you might assume he was leading the tournament, tied for the lead, or within a stroke of the lead. Friends, you would be WRONG.

He wasn’t one or two shots back, but FIVE (5) (V) shots back because Cristobal Del Solar went out and put a 57 (lmao) on the scorecard. A fifty-freaking-seven.

The ridiculousness of that number reminded me of a scene from The Counselor (written by Cormac McCarthy). In the movie, Michael Fassbender plays a lawyer (not a trial LAWYA) who stupidly gets involved in the financing of a drug deal with a Mexican cartel.

Before things go SUPER NOT GREAT for him and his wife, he meets with a client in prison (Rosie Perez), who tells him her son is in jail because he got arrested for going 206 miles an hour on his motorcycle. Fassbender says:

That’s not a speed, that’s a time of day. Or somebody’s weight.

The same struggle to process a number like that applies to a 57 on a golf course. That number is an age, the weight of a chunky but very good dog (or naturally large very good dog), or on your Southwest boarding pass due to their maniacal boarding process (LET US CHOOSE OUR SEATS LIKE THE REST OF THE FREE WORLD). It is all those things and not a score at a professional golf tournament.

To add to the lunacy, two guys shot 61, meaning Suber is actually in fourth and tied with seven (SEVEN) other guys. And the six guys who shot 63 aren’t even in the top 10.

How anyone moves up from this tour to the PGA Tour is beyond me. They have to play outstanding golf and not go insane from January to October while constantly dealing with rounds like the one mentioned above (minus recurring 57s - FOR NOW).

If I were on Suber’s team or a person he leans on for support, and praise the good Lord above I am not, my advice after a round like Thursday’s would be to keep dialing 9-1-1 and scream how is this possible. In fact, that’s good advice for anyone dealing with sports absurdity.

More than likely, this madness won’t keep up over the next three rounds BUT MAYBE? If Suber shoots 62 on Friday and he’s 10 shots back, a parking lot fistfight with the leader or the aforementioned torching of both clubhouses* would be well within his rights.

*The tournament is being played at the Country Club de Bogota-Lagos and the Country Club de Bogota-Pacos.

Whatever happens, fights, arson, or none of the above, good luck to our former golfing son through the weekend and the rest of the season.