Countdown to Ole Miss football: The tens are on the clock

In 16 days, we begin learning about the 2023 version of Ole Miss football. Ideally, we won’t learn too much because I, for one, would prefer the 2023 version of Ole Miss football to not be a team that gets fully identified by Mercer.

Let’s save some of those answers for later in the month. Finding out who you are in early September means you are in for a long, long three months.

As I noted last week, we’ve reached the point where the season feels real, rather than a number of days away that doesn’t seem to move. For many*, Wednesday morning brought the first taste of cooler weather, which I’m sure sparked Mills Lane’s voice in your head screaming LET’S GET IT ON.

*First, congratulations. Second, my jealousy knows no bounds. I am still on hold waiting to speak to the manager about the 100-degrees-every-damn-day situation.

This Saturday will be one of two remaining Saturdays with no Ole Miss football until whenever the bye week is that I’m sure we will desperately need. However, one week from this Saturday, real live college football will be played, which-

[pulls conch shell from the top shelf]

[blows into conch shell]

GAMBLING DEGENERATES ASSEMBLE.

There is no better way to feel alive than needing UMass to put together a late fourth-quarter drive to cover* against New Mexico State.

*And keep the necessary five-team parlay alive.

Speaking of numbers that we need, let’s get to the countdown list. In previous posts in this series, I managed to tie in something related to the decade that partially inspired the countdown.

This week, not so much. World War I dominated the 1910s, and it has a Yelp review score of -25 stars out of zero. A hard Would Not Recommend™.

Instead, I’m falling back on the convenience of 10 lists of 10 mostly related to Ole Miss football past and present. Originality: 0 out of 5 stars. Useful crutch: 5 out of 5 stars.

As always, historical stats and such are from here.

10 teams Ole Miss played in the 1910s that they will unlikely play again

• Memphis Medical College
• Memphis HIGH SCHOOL*
• Henderson-Brown
• Mississippi College
• Virginia Meds
• Hendrix
• Cumberland
• Ouachita
• Southwestern Georgetown
• Transylvania

*In 1913, this became Central High School. More importantly, there were no scheduling rules in the 1910s.

10 exotic game locations of the 1910s

• Greenville, Mississippi (16-0 win over Alabama)*
• Arkadelphia, Arkansas (24-11 win over Henderson-Brown)
• Macon, Georgia (34-0 win over Mercer)
• Conway, Arkansas (8-6 loss to Hendrix)
• Georgetown, Texas (18-0 loss to Southwestern)
• Beaumont, Texas (14-7 loss to Texas A&M)**
• Tupelo, Mississippi (65-0 loss to Mississippi A&M)
• Sewanee, Tennessee (69-7 loss to Sewanee)
• West Point, Mississippi (6-0 loss to Payne Field)***
• Clarksdale, Mississippi (33-0 loss to Mississippi A&M)

*Always schedule Alabama in Greenwood, you cowards.

**Even though this game was played on November 26th, I guarantee it was 92 degrees with 75 percent humidity.

***Unclear if they lost to the actual playing field or a team named Payne Field.

Top 10 Ole Miss players named Archie

• Archie Manning
• Archie Manning
• Archie Manning
• Archie Manning
• Archie Manning
• Archie Manning
• Archie Manning
• Archie Manning
• Archie Hemphill
• Archie Sheppard

Top 10 single-game rushing yards record holders

1. Dexter McCluster (282 vs. Tennessee, 2009)
2. Dou Innocent (242 vs. Mississippi State, 1995)
3. Randy Baldwin (241 vs. Tulane, 1990)
4. Kayo Dottley (235 vs. Chattanooga, 1949)
5. Kayo Dottley (230 vs. TCU, 1949)
6. Brandon Bolden (228 vs. Fresno State, 2010)
7. BenJarvus Green-Ellis (226 vs. Missouri, 2007)
8. Kayo Dottley (216 vs. Mississippi State, 1949)*
9. Stephen Hindman (215 vs. Vanderbilt, 1967)
10. Quinshon Judkins (214 vs. Arkansas, 2022)**

*Dottley set three single-game records, which meant 1949 must’ve been a banner season. Welllllll, it was 4-5-1.

**Zach Evans is 12th on this list with 207 yards in that same Arkansas game. Surely Ole Miss won!

Top 10 anxiety-riddled games in 2023

Note: The formula here is taking into account the chance of winning the game or the game being close. With the exception of Arkansas, the top five are almost all interchangeable.

1. vs. Arkansas*
2. at Auburn**
3. vs. LSU
4. at Mississippi State
5. vs. Texas A&M
6. at Alabama
7. at Tulane
8. at Georgia***
9. vs. Georgia Tech
10. vs. Vanderbilt

*Obviously.

**A game Ole Miss can absolutely win, but it’s a place where they NEVER win.

***Playing with house money so no need to sweat it. UNLESS...

Top 10 third down situations for the 2023 Ole Miss offense

1. 3rd and 1
2. 3rd and 2
3. 3rd and 3
4. 3rd and 4
5. 3rd and 5
6. 3rd and 6
7. 3rd and 7
8. 3rd and 8
9. 3rd and 9
10. 3rd and 10

10 Ole Miss kickers who may or may not trigger ‘Platoon’ them music flashbacks

• Gary Wunderlich
• Jonathan Nichols
• Joshua Shene
• Luke Logan
• Bryson Rose
• Donald Juneau
• Brian Lee
• Andrew Ritter
• Tim Montz
• Steve Lindsey

Top 10 season total tackle leaders

• Jeff Herrod - 168 LMAO (1986)
• James Stuart - 163 (1973)
• Jeff Herrod - 150 (1987)
• Abdul Jackson - 140 (1993)
• Abdul Jackson - 139 (1994)
• Thomas Hubbard - 139 (1981)
• Patrick Willis - 137 (2006)
• Jeff Herrod - 136 (1985)*
• Elmer Allen - 136 (1971)
• Kem Coleman - 133 (1976)

*Herrod has three of the top 10 spots in season total tackles. Kind of okay.

10 players on the 2023 roster with the most INTRIGUE

Note: INTRIGUE in this algorithm is mainly focused on guys with a dash of unknown or potential for growth who could become a significant contributor or star.

• Tre Harris
• Jaxson Dart
• Michael Trigg
• Zamari Walton
• Jayden Williams
• Caden Prieskorn
• Isaac Ukwu
• Joshua Harris
• Cedric Johnson
• Ulysses Bentley IV

Top 10 preferred outcomes for the 2023 season

1. 15-0
2. 14-1
3. 13-1
4. 12-2
5. 12-1
6. 11-2
7. 10-3
8. 9-4
9. 8-5
10. 4-8*

*This scenario lets us eject in early November and stop emotionally investing.