Artificial intelligence takes on the 2023 football schedule

Over the last two months, you may recall this site turning things over to artificial intelligence, both as a way to keep the summer content train rolling and curry favor with our eventual overlords.

On one occasion, I asked ChatGPT to break down Ole Miss sports, and last month, I sought the assistance of an AI image generator to give the people fancy Ole Miss art. If you missed those experiences and are too lazy to click the links, highlights include the Ole Miss offensive line taking Jaxson Dart hog hunting:

And ChatGPT throwing sass when I asked how much red wine was consumed in the Palo Alto area after the Ole Miss women’s basketball team upset Stanford in the NCAA Tournament:

As an AI language model, I don’t have access to real-time or current data, and even if I did, it would be impossible for me to accurately determine the amount of red wine consumed in the Palo Alto area specifically related to a particular event. Additionally, I don’t have the ability to track individual behavior or consumption habits. I suggest checking with local news sources or conducting a survey to gather more information about wine consumption in Palo Alto after the mentioned event.

This time, I’m calling on AI image generation to provide the final scenes of Ole Miss’ regular season games in 2023. Then, based on what it throws together, I will determine if AI thinks Ole Miss wins or loses the game.

As a reminder, Bing’s AI image generator generally has no idea what to do about sports and does not really do current events. The point being, it’s gonna get weird*.

*As you may have noticed in the main art above, there is a dinosaur checking in on alleged Ole Miss players, one of which is riding a horse. For the record, that image was produced after I asked AI to show me a summary of Ole Miss’ 2023 football season. So, somewhere along the way, AI predicts the team acquires a horse.

I also asked AI to do scenes of each game in the style of a Renaissance painting because those interpretations (based on my experience so far) are way more METAL than other options it blends together.

vs Mercer (September 2nd)

If you’re unfamiliar, Mercer’s main colors are orange, black, and white. Given we see a mass of red and blue smothering an unseen opponent, it feels like Ole Miss takes this one.

Interpretation of AI Depiction: WIN

at Tulane (September 9th)

Similar to the Mercer game, a lot of red and blue and very little green. In fact, it appears one Ole Miss player grabbed a Tulane flag and is going to plant it at midfield. A choice that doesn’t make sense, but I respect him exploring the space of new ways to taunt.

Interpretation of AI Depiction: WIN

vs Georgia Tech (September 16th)

AI sees this game as a struggle that ends with everyone on their knees and exhausted. And maybe that’s on point since Alabama is the next week, making this game a huge look-ahead spot.

Despite the appearance a mighty struggle took place, it looks as though Ole Miss is victorious, as the players in red and blue are lifting their eyes to some kind of a victory flag.

Interpretation of AI Depiction: WIN

at Alabama (September 23rd)

AN UPSET SPECIAL, FRIENDS.

Related, AI is convinced almost all Renaissance paintings involving contests means the victorious party is waving a flag. Shout-out to the person who is waving a Navy flag just out of frame.

Interpretation of AI Depiction: WIN

vs LSU (September 30th)

A salute to the one Ole Miss player (fan?) with his middle finger-ish in the air as he is overwhelmed by all things LSU. Thank you for your service, as they are about .3 seconds away from trampling over your soon-to-be lifeless body.

Interpretation of AI Depiction: LOSS

vs Arkansas (October 7th)

I mean, WHAT IN THE HELL, AI.

Despite huge mental institution vibes, AI did nail the chaos and struggle to survive that which is the Ole Miss/Arkansas game. Not to mention, the Lord of the Flies depiction of games in Fayetteville tracks.

I realize this is a home game for Ole Miss, but AI screwed that up. The three or four guys wearing blue and white, with hints of red, are clearly Ole Miss players. Everyone else is in red and moments away from making them disappear.

And that overwhelming display checks out. Since 1992 when Arkansas joined the SEC, here are Ole Miss’ results in Fayetteville:

• 1994 - 31-7 (loss)
• 1996 - 13-7 (loss)
• 1998 - 34-0 (loss)
• 2000 - 38-24 (win)
• 2002 - 48-28 (loss)
• 2004 - 35-3 (loss)
• 2006 - 38-3 (loss)
• 2008 - 23-21 (win)
• 2010 - 38-24 (loss)
• 2014 - 30-0 (loss)
• 2016 - 34-30 (loss)
• 2020 - 33-21 (loss)
• 2022 - 42-27 (loss)

That’s 2-11, with an average score of 32.4 to 16.2. Good times.

Anyway, with the game in Oxford, things improve, but Ole Miss is only 7-6 there against Arkansas since expansion in 1992. I, for one, hate it.

Even with the wrong venue, I have to judge according to AI’s intuition.

Interpretation of AI Depiction: LOSS

at Auburn (October 21st)

It’s clearly an Auburn kicker (#2) celebrating with his holder (a punter, #86) and Auburn Men™ and Women™ in front of the remaining columns of a Colonial Bank. Or maybe it’s the remnants of Gene Chizik’s house.

Whatever the scene, it’s AI saying you better believe the game is going to be a gutting one- or two-point loss.

Interpretation of AI Depiction: LOSS

vs Vanderbilt (October 28th)

Much like the hero in the LSU game image, here are two Vanderbilt players making a final stand before being vanquished. Though their vanquishing will come much earlier. Like probably early in the second quarter.

Interpretation of AI Depiction: WIN

vs Texas A&M (November 4th)

In the foreground, we can see the A&M guys dressed in white who do all the weird hand signals and motions, falling to their knees, realizing they are doomed. Also, one of them may have a cadet’s sword?

It’s possible we also have a score prediction of Ole Miss 40, Texas A&M 20, but then the other score listed is Ole Miss (M:J) [symbol], Texas A&M 23, so who knows.

AI AIN’T HERE TO PLAY COMPREHENSION.

Interpretation of AI Depiction: WIN

at Georgia (November 11th)

I did several versions of this one because they were all the work of a lunatic, and this was the least confusing version. I think that is AI’s way of saying, hey man, you know it, I know it, this is a loss for Ole Miss.

Of note, the Georgia guy in the right foreground, whose legs are either part horse or dog, immediately reminded me of Jake Plummer in an Arizona Cardinals uniform. Great job, brain. Thank you for storing that information over all these years.

Interpretation of AI Depiction: LOSS

vs. Louisiana-Monroe (November 18th)

Entirely possible this game is played on The Mall with the United States Capitol in the background. After a comfortable Ole Miss win, it makes for an easy gathering point for certain fans of both schools who want a second shot at storming the Capitol.

Interpretation of AI Depiction: WIN

at Mississippi State (November 25th)

Obviously, a lot of confusion, but it looks as if a celebratory Ole Miss horde is trying escape following a road win in trash Mississippi late November weather. Smiles, layers, banners flying, stolen horses...AND THE MYSTERY OF THE HORSE ABOVE IS SOLVED.

Interpretation of AI Depiction: WIN

2023 Season According to AI

Final Record: 8-4

Horses Stolen: 2, maybe 3

Victory Flags/Banners Flown: 5 or 6

Dinosaurs Interested in the Season: 1 (possibly more out of frame)

Lunacy Rate: 1 billion percent