Countdown to Ole Miss football: We’re in the 70s, man

Another week down and another week closer to beginning the September-to-November journey of contrasts that is Ole Miss football.

When the ball is kicked off September 2nd at 1 PM on the surface of the sun, the fourth year of the Lane Kiffin era will be officially underway.

Will there be intrigue? Of course. Wailing and gnashing of teeth? As always. Moments where all is right in the world? Bet on it. Outrageous overreactions to losing to Georgia by more than three touchdowns in Athens? Buddy, you know it.

Last week, as part of the countdown to the 2023 season, we spent time in reflection about Ole Miss football in the 1980s. Blurry videos and screenshots of mediocre to bad football, anchored by a legendary video of Ole Miss student life in the 80s. I said it last week, but I cannot encourage you enough to watch it if you haven’t.

This week, we find ourselves 72 days away in the countdown. Rather than doing something only related to the 1970s, which were more depressing than the 80s because it marked the end of Ole Miss’ national power status, we’re just going to use the number 7 a lot.

With that in mind, here are 7 lists of 7, all mostly related to Ole Miss football.

7 Hoooooo Boy Losses in the 1970s

• LSU 61, Ole Miss 17 (Baton Rouge) - 1970
• Memphis 17, Ole Miss 13 (Jackson) - 1973
• Memphis 15, Ole Miss 7 (Memphis) - 1974
• Memphis 21, Ole Miss 16 (Memphis) - 1976
• LSU 45, Ole Miss 0 (Baton Rouge) - 1976
• USM 38, Ole Miss 8 (Jackson) - 1979
• Tulane 49, Ole Miss 15 (New Orleans) - 1979

A legendary run against Memphis in the early to middle part of the decade.

7 Guys Who Wore Number 7

• Taye Biddle
• Trae Elston
• Eddie Small
• Jason Pellerin
• Dou Innocent*
• Sam Williams

(drumroll.......)

• Brent Schaeffer

*He either changed from 22 to 7 or from 7 to 22 at some point in his 11-year Ole Miss career.

7 Deadly Sins Of Ole Miss Fans

• Hope
• Denial
• “If we get to Alabama undefeated...”
• Exemplary cooperation
• Not mixing in a few waters on Saturday
• #MississippiMade
• Lack of understanding when it’s acceptable to leave a game*

*On a personal note, I have left countless Ole Miss sporting events early because I’m not watching [gestures] THAT. Never once has an Ole Miss team made me regret leaving early.

7 Ole Miss Fans You Sit By

• Down In Front guy/gal
• Always Standing Up guy/gal (mortal enemy of Down in Front guy/gal)
• Leaves Their Seat 75 Times guy/gal
• WHAT KIND OF PLAY CALL WAS THAT guy/gal*
• Happy Drunk guy/gal**
• Terrible Drunk guy/gal***
• Opposing Fan Who Bought Tickets From An Ole Miss Fan

*For my money, the WORST. Please, expertly break down why a guard or center getting his ass kicked makes it a bad play call.

**Marginally amusing, has some quality one-liners, not overly interested in the game, and there to have fun before leaving to go to the bar in the third quarter.

***Belongs in federal supermax prison. Obnoxious, unfunny (but thinks they’re hilarious!), and swears every other word because their vocabulary is capped at 250 words. Learn to handle your alcohol or know your limits, you perpetual 18-year old. Also leaves in the third quarter to go to the bar or Grove, but hopefully it’s the Lafayette County Detention Center.

7 Late-Night Chevron Foods Power-Ranked

I realize this has the potential to tear Red Cup Rebellion dot com apart at the seams, but it must be done.

1. Pizza sticks
2. Crispitos
3. Egg rolls
4. Chicken tenders
5. Chicken on a Stick
6. Corn dogs
7. Potato logs

However, if you ranked these items in order of most delicious to eat the next morning after they’ve been sitting out on the counter all night, it’s Chicken on a Stick by a mile. Wash it down with a Diet Coke, and you’ve got a BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS (SODIUM).

7 Songs For The Band At Halftime

• “Simple Man” - Lynyrd Skynyrd
• “Gimme Back My Bullets” - Lynyrd Skynyrd
• “Gimme Three Steps” - Lynyrd Skynyrd
• “Was I Right or Wrong” - Lynyrd Skynyrd
• “The Ballad of Curtis Loew” - Lynyrd Skynyrd
• “Free Bird” - Lynyrd Skynyrd
• “Free Bird (live*)” - Lynyrd Skynyrd

*13-minute guitar solo version

7 Potential 2023 Player Nicknames As Called By David Kellum

• J-Hair (Joshua Harris)
• Trigonometry (Michael Trigg)
• M-Squared (Monty Montgomery)
• Isaac Uk-Whoa! (Isaac Ukwu)
• CP-Corn (Caden Prieskorn)
• Vicky-C (Victor Curne)
• T-Hair (Tre Harris)

For the record, I covered potential DK nicknames for Jeremiah-Jean Baptiste here.