Way-too-early predictions for Ole Miss’ 2024 SEC football schedule

Late Wednesday afternoon the SEC, in an extremely NFL offseason power move, announced its 2024 conference football schedule, featuring Oklahoma and Texas for the first time.

The individual school schedules feature eight conference games, which wasn’t a surprise, but there were some surprises of regular matchups taking a break.

For instance, Ole Miss will not play Alabama or Auburn in 2024 for the first time in over 30 years, upsetting those who will miss playing teams the Rebels are 10-54-2 (Alabama) and 11-35 (Auburn) against.

The biggest shock for Ole Miss is the temporary ending of the Jefferson Pilot 11:30 AM Classic against Vanderbilt, which has been played before noon every year since 1738. The Commodores are off the schedule, but not to worry, there is no doubt Kentucky or South Carolina will step into their shoes and provide the same pre-noon agonizing experience.

If that tweet is unreadable on your phone, and you don’t feel like clicking links, here’s how it breaks out for Ole Miss in 2024:

Home games

• Georgia
• Kentucky
• Oklahoma
• Mississippi State

Away games

• LSU
• Florida
• South Carolina
• Arkansas

Although Georgia is likely to grind Ole Miss into a fine paste, it’s a great home game, and things will be HYPED leading up to the game and at least for the first half. I also love seeing Oklahoma’s first visit to Oxford, and the first game against the Sooners since Ole Miss beat them in the last college football game played in the 20th century.

To be fair, playing in Shreveport was like a home game for a David Cutcliffe-led Ole Miss team. He’s in the Independence Bowl Hall of Fame for a reason, folks!

As for the away games, Ole Miss returns to Gainesville for the first time since 2015 when the bill for not having Laremy Tunsil available at left tackle finally came due (thanks for the arbitrary suspensions, NCAA!). Well, that and the 2015 defense regressing significantly from 2014.

There is also a trip to Columbia to play South Carolina for the first time since 2009. Let us never speak of what happened in that Thursday night game again.

And finally, another trip to the Ole Miss football graveyard that is Fayetteville. Or, instead of feeling all this doom and gloom, we could try to get 800 yards of total offense and still lose by two scores. Setting goals is a good thing!

Oh, before I forget, Oklahoma, if you could also bring the Turnpike Troubadours to Oxford with you, that would be super. We’ll figure out the logistics for a show when they get there.

With Ole Miss’ 2024 conference schedule set, as I mentioned before, we are bound by blogging laws to offer predictions about games where we don’t know:

• Who the head coaches will be
• Who the starting quarterbacks will be
• Almost anything that allows us to make reasonable guesses

Nevertheless, we march on. Mostly because it is June 15th, and these are things you do on June 15th.

Let’s fire up the proprietary Red Cup Rebellion Prediction Machine™.

vs. Georgia

The last time Kirby Smart came to Oxford was in 2016 as a first-year head coach. His team lost 45-17, Ole Miss put up 510 yards of offense, and SWAG Kelly had 335 yards of offense and 3 touchdowns.

Based on who he spent time with prior to getting the Georgia job, I’ll bet he remembers all of that!

Red Cup Rebellion Prediction Machine™ says: IT’S NOT GREAT, BOB. LOSS.

vs. Kentucky

Even if Kentucky finds another banana peel-eating weirdo quarterback that can throw it over the dang mountains, I’m not sweating this one. Well, I’ll definitely be sweating it out because nothing can be easy or fun, but the result will be fine.

Red Cup Rebellion Prediction Machine™ says: HAVE YOU CONSIDERED: MARK POOPS. WIN.

vs. Oklahoma

Assuming Jeff Lebby is still in Norman, his return will be one of the big storylines leading up to the game. At this time, I would like to remind everyone that the 2022 offense, without the services of Lebby, nearly matched the 2021 offensive production and actually improved in 3rd/4th down efficiency, red zone touchdown percentage, and red zone scoring percentage.

Once more for the people in the back, it’s Lane Kiffin’s offense, and he runs the show. That’s one of the reasons Lebby coaches at Oklahoma.

Of course, this all depends on Lane Kiffin being Ole Miss’ coach and not, say, Jeff Lebby.

Red Cup Rebellion Prediction Machine™ says: PARTYING LIKE IT’S 1999 AGAIN. WIN.

vs. Mississippi State

Lane Kiffin is many things, and one of those things is being a highly observational individual. After losing the 2022 Egg Bowl, a game he should’ve won, his brain certainly filed away the Ole Miss fans’ reaction to said farting away a game (combined with the Auburn stuff).

I don’t think he cares much for dealing with that again.

Red Cup Rebellion Prediction Machine™ says: THIS GAME BEING ON THANKSGIVING IS STEAMING GARBAGE FOREVER. WIN.

at LSU

Ole Miss hasn’t won in Tiger Stadium since 2008. In a conference filled with traditions, respect to Ole Miss for maintaining this one.

Red Cup Rebellion Prediction Machine™ says: GET PRE-ANGRY FOR HOW WE LOSE THIS ONE. LOSS.

at Florida

Assuming Billy Napier survives 2023*, let’s take a gander at that Florida 2024 schedule:

BUDDY.

My man knows he has to pick his battles and what better battle to pick than an Ole Miss team that is always capable of melting down in spectacular fashion. Though, it is worth noting that in Ole Miss’ last three trips to Gainesville (2003, 2008, 2015), they are 2-1, with both of Ole Miss’ wins happening in the Jefferson Pilot time slot.

That stat has no bearing on what will happen in 2024, but the Gators don’t want any piece of an 12 PM (EDT)/11 AM (CDT) kickoff.

*I know 2023 is his second year, but everyone in this league is insane. All scenarios are in play.

Red Cup Rebellion Prediction Machine™ says: PRE-LOG OFF. LOSS.

at South Carolina

I was going to use this space to embed the South Carolina football tweet where they replaced “Rocky Top” with “Sandstorm,” but a copyright claim has destroyed that tweet.

Trash website.

Red Cup Rebellion Prediction Machine™ says: MORE LIKE SANDHIGHPRESSURESYSTEMANDPLEASANTWEATHER. BOOM ROASTED. WIN.

at Arkansas

Absolutely not.

Red Cup Rebellion Prediction Machine™ says: YOU ALREADY KNOW, FAM. LOSS.