In 2026, the World Cup will take a break from being hosted by authoritarian regimes that give human rights 0 out of 5 stars. The hosting duties in three years will fall to the United States, Mexico, and Canada, who promise to bring back just the financial corruption we expect with international soccer.
In fact, if an international soccer event doesn’t feature things like embezzlement, bribery, wire fraud, and money laundering, is it even a legitimate tournament? We need the comfort of knowing financial crimes are happening and someone(s) will go to prison like seven years after the fact.
On Wednesday night, FIFA* unveiled the 2026 World Cup logo. As you can see, we are steamrolling toward a wonderfully corrupt tournament because 97 percent of the money set aside for logo development is sitting in Cayman Island bank accounts belonging to Swiss FIFA executives.
#WeAre26 pic.twitter.com/H1SyqypUYY— FIFA World Cup (@FIFAWorldCup) May 18, 2023
You can only find that kind of effort and imagination the day before it’s due when someone in Switzerland loses track of the order of the scams.
*If you’re not a soccer person, FIFA stands for Federation Internationale de Football Association. It’s soccer’s world governing body and home to some of the greediest, most corrupt people alive. For context, if you showed these people what recruiting was like in the SEC pre-NIL, they would exhale smoke from their $100 French cigarettes and say, “That’s it?”
Now, you may have reached the point where you’re asking what this has to do with Ole Miss (aside from moments of panicked half-assing things). The answer is not a lot, but as I thought about the 2026 World Cup, I found myself wondering what it will be like at Ole Miss in three years.
So, using the inspiring 2026 World Cup logo as a backdrop, I offer a few predictions of what’s happening at Ole Miss when the World Cup gets here that summer.
Dirty Mike And The Boys Are Still A Thing
After taking a break in 2023 to give other teams a chance to see Omaha (could be you, Tennessee!), Bianco retools the program and returns to the sweet spot of annually experiencing Super Regional agony. Back in our comfort zone!
But seriously, we won a national title last June. I’m fine with whatever happens in baseball for the next two years.
Some Old Faces Are Still Around
What does the Tad Pad do in 2026, other than continuing to give older folks a place to walk indoors in the morning? Nothing!
Not to worry though, the Committee to Form the Committee on What To Do With The Tad Pad will be in the process of being formed.
Life In The Grove
Here are a pair of popular Grove stickers in 2026:
The Antifa Grove tent will serve tasty Critical Race Theory chicken tenders and have the finest Soros-funded liquors for all. And obviously all the Red Solo Cups and ice will be Marxist.
As for the bear stickers, I, for one, welcome the longing for traditions of old, especially one as loved as Rebel the Bear.
If you’re looking for the Antifa tent in 2026, it will be a few spots down from the Zebra tent.
Speaking of football, who will be coaching Ole Miss in 2026? I’m glad you asked.
Coach Prime and his big dumb truck will be in Oxford. Well, assuming the truck isn’t discarded after a year’s worth of endless maintenance, general aggravation, and spending 10 percent of his salary on gas.
Why is Lane Kiffin not there? Did he leave on his own or was he told to leave?
Who knows! But Coach Prime throwing up back to back 8-5 seasons in Boulder was enough for athletic director Sean Tuohy to give him a call.
So Who Will Win The World Cup?
Looks like the fellas from Argentina, France, Brazil, Spain, Germany, and England will mess around and let the Rebs get hot.
It’s unclear how Ole Miss will even qualify, but we shouldn’t let that distract us from the fact that Italy and Greece, two of the worst men’s national teams in existence, didn’t qualify for the 2022 World Cup. We should spend the next three years continuing to relish their failures.