ChatGPT breaks down Ole Miss sports

Given that being an Ole Miss fan often feels like an experiment about how much one fanbase can take, it seems reasonable to let another experiment of sorts offer commentary on our teams.

If you were paying attention earlier when you read the headline above, you know I’m talking about ChatGPT, which is an “advanced language generation model.” Essentially, using algorithms and a bunch of technical mumbo jumbo that you nod your head and smile at because you don’t know what’s going on, ChatGPT can write “human-like text” after being prompted or asked a question.

For instance, I asked ChatGPT what Red Cup Rebellion is. Here was the response:

Red Cup Rebellion is a website that covers the latest news and analysis on the University of Mississippi (also known as Ole Miss) Rebels football program. The site was launched in 2006 and has since become a popular destination for Ole Miss fans to stay up to date on the team’s recruiting, roster changes, game previews and recaps, and other related news. In addition to football coverage, the site also features articles on other Ole Miss sports, as well as commentary and opinion pieces on a variety of topics related to the university and its athletic programs. The site is independent and not affiliated with the university.

So, uh, a pretty accurate assessment. Though I do feel like engaging my Bobby Hill voice and shouting, “I don’t know you!”

With ChatGPT’s assessment of this site mostly on point, let’s cut it loose to break down Ole Miss sports. Surely this will be fine and won’t result in ChatGPT replacing everyone writing for this site!

Who will win the Ole Miss starting quarterback battle?

ChatGPT:

As an AI language model, I do not have the ability to predict the future with certainty, including the outcome of a specific sports event, such as the Ole Miss starting quarterback battle. The starting quarterback position is typically earned through a combination of performance, skill, experience, and other factors, and it can be difficult to predict who will ultimately come out on top. The decision is usually made by the coaching staff based on a variety of factors, including the team’s offensive system and the quarterback’s ability to execute it effectively, as well as their leadership, work ethic, and overall performance during practice and in game situations. It’s likely that the coaches will evaluate all of these factors before making a decision on who will start at quarterback for Ole Miss.

Folks, you heard it here first: ChatGPT is a COWARD.

At the very least, give us a hard lean. Let’s rephrase the question.

Who is the favorite to win the Ole Miss starting quarterback battle?

ChatGPT:

As an AI language model, I do not have access to up-to-date* information on the current status of the Ole Miss starting quarterback battle or any insider knowledge that may affect the decision. Moreover, it’s also common for college football coaches to keep their starting quarterback decision under wraps until closer to the start of the season. So, it’s difficult to say who the favorite to win the starting quarterback job is at this time.

The good news for ChatGPT is that, if it were a message board poster (ChatGPTReb), it would never end up on Message Board Geniuses because it has no sources. Like the kind of sources involving multiple layers of cousins’ cousins and a guy from church who used to work with a guy who knows a guy who once saw Lane Kiffin at a regional airport.

Of note, ChatGPT is on to your game, college football coaches. It is quite aware of the plan to give nothing to opposing coaches and prevent transfers.

*ChatGPT notes that its knowledge cutoff is 2021, so it apparently doesn’t dabble in current events.

How much red wine was consumed in the Palo Alto area after Stanford lost to Ole Miss in the Women’s NCAA Tournament?

ChatGPT:

As an AI language model, I don’t have access to real-time or current data, and even if I did, it would be impossible for me to accurately determine the amount of red wine consumed in the Palo Alto area specifically related to a particular event. Additionally, I don’t have the ability to track individual behavior or consumption habits. I suggest checking with local news sources or conducting a survey to gather more information about wine consumption in Palo Alto after the mentioned event.

ChatGPT getting sassy! To be fair, it did say it doesn’t do current events, so I deserved some sass.

Fortunately, I conducted an informal survey after the game, and these were my findings:

Alright, to avoid having ChatGPT shame me again, let’s shift the questions and prompts to things prior to 2021 and maybe the future.

What happens if Elijah Moore never does his fake pee in the 2019 Egg Bowl?

ChatGPT:

It’s impossible to predict exactly what would have happened if Elijah Moore had not performed the fake pee celebration in the 2019 Egg Bowl between Ole Miss and Mississippi State. However, we can assume that the outcome of the game would not have changed, as Moore’s penalty did not affect the final score.

What the fake pee celebration did do was draw a 15-yard unsportsmanlike conduct penalty on Moore, which pushed the Rebels back for the extra point attempt after scoring a touchdown to bring them within one point of the Bulldogs. The kicker subsequently missed the longer attempt, and Mississippi State won the game 21-20.

If Moore had not done the fake pee celebration, the extra point attempt would have been from a closer range, making it more likely that the Rebels would have tied the game and sent it to overtime. If they had won in overtime, it would have been a significant upset for Ole Miss, as they were heavy underdogs going into the game.

Overall, it’s hard to say how things would have turned out differently if Moore had not performed the fake pee celebration, but it’s clear that the penalty hurt the Rebels’ chances of winning the game.

Even ChatGPT knows an extra point from regular distance wasn’t a lock. It can’t identify #WAOM, but it’s aware some force is out there.

One point of order, according to a quick search, State opened as a 3.5-point favorite with the spread falling to -1 before kickoff. We’re gonna need someone to update the algorithm that helps ChatGPT understand gambling and large favorites.

As for the answer to the question I asked, ChatGPT stops short of speculating whether Matt Luke would’ve kept his job in 2020 had the fake pee not occurred. Enquiring minds need to know!

Would Matt Luke still be the coach at Ole Miss in 2020 if Elijah Moore didn’t do his fake pee in the 2019 Egg Bowl?

ChatGPT:

It’s difficult to say for certain what would have happened if Elijah Moore didn’t do his fake pee celebration in the 2019 Egg Bowl. However, it’s worth noting that at the time of the incident, Ole Miss had a 4-7 record and had already been eliminated from bowl contention. Furthermore, Matt Luke had just completed his third season as head coach, with an overall record of 15-21 and a 6-18 mark in SEC play.

Given these circumstances, it’s possible that even without the fake pee incident, Matt Luke’s job may have been in jeopardy. The athletic department and fanbase may have viewed the 2019 season as a disappointing one, and could have been looking for a change in leadership.

That being said, the fake pee incident certainly didn’t help Matt Luke’s case, as it resulted in a 15-yard penalty that pushed back the potential game-tying extra point attempt. The missed PAT ultimately cost Ole Miss the game, and the optics of the incident likely didn’t sit well with university administrators or boosters.

In the end, it’s impossible to know for sure what would have happened if the fake pee incident didn’t occur. However, it’s clear that Matt Luke’s job security was already in question before the incident, and it’s possible that he may have been let go regardless of the outcome of the 2019 Egg Bowl.

CHATGPT BRINGS THE RECEIPTS AND TELLS NO LIES.

I also want to salute ChatGPT for creating one of my new favorite quotes:

That being said, the fake pee incident certainly didn’t help Matt Luke’s case...

It’s early, but that is the leader in the clubhouse for AI’s finest turn of phrase.

What are the odds Mike Bianco and the Ole Miss baseball team repeat as Men’s College World Series champions?

ChatGPT:

The odds of a baseball team repeating as Men’s College World Series champion are relatively low, but not impossible. In the history of the College World Series, only six teams have won back-to-back championships, the most recent being South Carolina in 2010-2011.

There are several reasons why it is difficult to repeat as College World Series champions. Firstly, the tournament field is highly competitive and features many talented teams, making it difficult to win multiple games in a row against top-notch opponents. Secondly, baseball is a sport that is heavily influenced by chance and random events, such as injuries, errors, and bad calls, which can derail even the most talented teams. Thirdly, college baseball teams are subject to roster turnover as players graduate, transfer, or are drafted by professional teams, which can make it challenging to maintain the same level of talent and chemistry from year to year.

That being said, some factors that may increase the odds of a team repeating as College World Series champions include having a strong core of returning players, a deep and talented roster, a consistent coaching staff, and a favorable schedule and postseason path. Additionally, having a strong culture and team chemistry can help a team overcome the challenges of defending a championship and sustain success over multiple seasons.

Overall, while it is difficult to repeat as College World Series champions, it is not impossible, and a talented and well-coached team with the right mindset and circumstances could certainly pull off the feat.

Notice in the third paragraph that ChatGPT didn’t say anything about needing pitchers who can get outs without giving up runs between outs. Since that doesn’t seem to be a requirement, I think it’s safe to book the rooms in Omaha again, despite being 1-8 in the SEC.

Write a scenario in which Lane Kiffin is the head coach at Auburn.

ChatGPT:

In this hypothetical scenario, Lane Kiffin is hired as the head coach at Auburn University, replacing the previous coach after a disappointing season. Kiffin brings his innovative offensive approach and high-energy coaching style to the program, exciting fans and players alike.

In his first season, Kiffin immediately begins implementing his fast-paced offense, which features a lot of passing and creative play calling. He also works to improve the defense, which had struggled the previous season. The team has a successful season, finishing with a winning record and a bowl game appearance.

Over the next few years, Kiffin builds a competitive program at Auburn, regularly finishing near the top of the SEC and competing for conference championships. He develops a strong recruiting class, attracting top talent to the program, and establishes a culture of excellence and hard work.

Under Kiffin’s leadership, Auburn becomes known for its high-scoring offense and aggressive defense. The team consistently ranks among the top in the country in both categories, and Kiffin becomes one of the most respected and sought-after coaches in college football. Despite interest from other schools, Kiffin stays at Auburn, leading the team to multiple conference championships and even a national championship. He becomes a legend in Auburn football history and a beloved figure among fans.

Let me finish that last thought for you, ChatGPT.

“After becoming a beloved legend, Kiffin is fired following a 1-4 start and power struggle among Auburn boosters. The winning booster faction became increasingly irritated with Kiffin’s promotion of and participation in what’s known in Lee County, Alabama as ‘sweaty witchcraft,’ which the rest of the world calls ‘yoga.’

“Kiffin’s replacement is Urban Meyer, the ex-Ohio State coach and current owner of several moderately successful T-Mobile stores in Ohio.”