A very serious Grove Bowl discussion

Earlier this week, Lane Kiffin told the media horde that, just like last year during the week of, he had not decided on the format of the Grove Bowl.

His decision to delay is primarily based on the number of injured players Ole Miss has right now, but I’m willing to bet there is a healthy amount of “I don’t give a shit, can one of the managers do that?” energy. If Kiffin had it his way, they’d have another practice, and that would be the end of Ole Miss players in pads until August.

Given that the format is still undecided, it is another opportunity for us to reheat the idea that the Grove Bowl should be American Gladiators. No game, controlled scrimmage, or anything resembling two teams vying for supremacy on the field.

NO, SIR. GIVE US THE GREATEST FEATS OF STRENGTH AND ATHLETICISM TEST WE’VE EVER SEEN (assuming we can do it without anyone getting injured).

As a disclaimer, I am about to straight up self-plagiarize from last year’s post linked above.

Breakthrough & Conquer

I don’t know how the teams are divided up or who even competes in these events (I’m an ideas person not logistics!), but someone somewhere should be able to figure it out.

I didn’t mention this last year because maybe I thought it was understood (?), but if we’re going the American Gladiators route, the guitar player from Mad Max: Fury Road will need to be present and required to cook the entire time.

Which reminds me, my only complaint about that movie was it wasn’t loud enough. I need the guitar pushing the theater speakers to the limit.

Powerball

A doff of the top hat for the sadistic person who came up with this game. Physically exhausting? Check. Painful? Double check. Potentially soul-crushing? You bet.

FEEL THE NOISE, FEEL THE PAIN, HOLLA IF YOU HEAR ME.

Assault

Although not as physically brutal as the other forms of the Oklahoma drill are, this would easily be the most fun event. As noted in last year’s post:

Lane Kiffin in the sniper’s position shooting people via an air gun filled with tennis balls, while every player on the team makes a run at hitting the bullseye above him.

And as also mentioned, Kiffin would be in a dunk tank-like contraption, meaning any player who hits the bullseye above him sends him for a swim.

LET IT BE SO.