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Power rankings within the Signing Day class

Now that the waters have calmed, we dive into Ole Miss’ latest recruiting class.

Texas A&M v Ole Miss Photo by Justin Ford/Getty Images

After a Signing Day: Part 1 that featured almost no drama, which was oddly disorienting, Lane Kiffin’s fourth recruiting class saw everyone expected to sign with Ole Miss sign with Ole Miss rather than going off the grid and showing up two hours later holding an English bulldog puppy while quoting R.E.M.

As detailed by our recruiting guru Whiskey Wednesday, the class features 21 total signees, with 17 of those being high school players and 4 coming from the junior college ranks. As you may have heard, transfer portal commitments are not included in this group because the recruiting fat cats decided that’s a separate thing, and Transfer Portal National Champions t-shirts need to be produced and sold.

By now, you’ve likely waded into the details of the signees including stars, positions, and restrained discussions about whether this defensive line class will be as good or better than that of the 1985 Chicago Bears. So we’re not going to cover similar territory here, but we will take a different approach and crank out power rankings within a class that will finish top 20 in the country.

Location

  1. Mississippi (52.4 percent of the class)
  2. Louisiana (19 percent)
  3. Exotic JUCO Towns (19 percent)
  4. Mississippi Gulf Coast Towns (14.3 percent)
  5. Bachelorette Party Destinations* (9.5 percent)
  6. The Bold New City (4.8 percent)
  7. Close to Morgan Freeman’s Ground Zero (4.8 percent)
  8. Lee County, Mississippi Stand Up (4.8 percent)
  9. Chickasaw County, Mississippi Stand Up (4.8 percent)
  10. Close to the Tampa Bay Rays Stadium (4.8 percent)

*Nashville and Scottsdale

Name Closest to That of Legendary Actor Geoffrey Rush

  1. Jeffery Rush - DL

Name Closest to That of a Bone in Your Body

  1. Dillon Hipp - TE

Entrance

  1. Deion Smith - WR

However, he does lose points for not having $100 bills fall out of his sleeves when he shakes his arms after getting out of the car.

Players David Kellum is Eventually Going to Call El Jefe

  1. Andy Jaffe - DB

Is Kam/Cam the new Caden/Cayden?

  1. Kam Franklin - DL
  2. Kamron Beavers - DL
  3. Cam Clark - DL

If there is a hole in this class, it’s that Ole Miss did not replenish its supply of Cadens/Cayden. Caden Prieskorn, Caden Davis, and Cayden Lee will all be back next year, but Caden Costa is moving on to Memphis. A 25 percent loss in Cadens/Cayden is of note.

Best Place to Get 5,000-Calorie Cajun Meals

  1. New Iberia, Louisiana (Kavion Broussard - OL)
  2. St. Rose, Louisiana (Anthony Robinson III - DB)
  3. Baton Rouge, Louisiana (Jude Foster - OL)

Places I’m Pretty Sure Were in Red Dead Redemption 2

  1. St. Rose, Louisiana (Anthony Robinson III - DB)
  2. Lake Cormorant, Mississippi (Kam Franklin - DL)

Chances of Being in the New Grand Theft Auto Game

  1. Tampa, Florida (Andy Jaffe - DB)
  2. Houston, Mississippi (William Echoles - DL)
  3. Homer, Louisiana (Katrevrick Banks - DB)
  4. Bay Springs, Mississippi (Kamron Beavers - DL)

Name Most Like a Beloved Character Actor

  1. John Wayne Oliver - OL
  2. William Echoles - DL
  3. Jude Foster - OL
  4. Raymond Collins - LB
  5. Cam Clark - DL
  6. Patrick Broomfield - DB
  7. Marquis Willis - WR
  8. Cedrick Beavers - DB
  9. Dalton Hipp - TE
  10. AJ Maddox - QB

Younger Brother of Tennessee Titans Quarterback Malik Willis

  1. Marquis Willis - WR

Born between 2003 and 2006

ALL OF THEM.

Congratulations, dear reader, you are now 125 years old. We’re all getting dinner tonight at 5:15.