For SEC football fans, here’s your World Cup team partner

While it seems like in the SEC that it just means more, the game of soccer is reportedly and the World Cup will have like half of the entire world’s eyes on it in the coming weeks.

Host country and noted beer hater Qatar will kickoff the event against Ecuador in a matter of minutes, and the US Men’s National team plays on Monday afternoon against Wales to begin its group play.

So as a primer for those of us in the American south who don’t follow it regularly, the Cup staff thought it fitting to give SEC football fans its partner according to how each school matches to the World Cup countries.

• Alabama - Brazil (+400 odds to win); When you ask a casual fan of the sport who is the odds on favorite to win, this is usually the answer. Lots of championships, players who go by one name like Kool-Aid or Ronaldinho and a fanbase whose culture and life depends on this team winning.
• Arkansas - Uruguay; There’s some really old championships no one really remembers, but for the small population, this team is inexplicably always somehow able to pull off wins and get competitive. Just a pesky pain in the ass tbh.
• Auburn - Ecuador; Another country accused them of using an ineligible player to qualify for the tournament. I mean, that just is Auburn vibes, plus this is a young team that will be scrappy but not win a lot.
• Florida - Spain (+800 odds to win); It’s really great and terrible all at the same time. Arguably, in history, one of the greatest teams in the sport.
• Georgia - Argentina (+650 odds to win); This is a program that was very good in the 80’s, and now again they are favorites to probably win. Additionally there is a mythologically great player who has some political ambitions but also says weird stuff sometimes. Maradona meet Herschel.
• Kentucky - USA; Hey, we’re really damn good at basketball!
• Missouri - Wales; Is it a country? Is it in the SEC? Honestly, no one knows and no one cares.
• Ole Miss - England (+700 odds to win); There’s a championship in the ‘60’s and then a lot of misery since then for a fanbase that most people poorly imitate their accents.
• Mississippi State - Qatar; Look, you’re not really supposed to be here, it’s miserable to visit, and a weekend there is only because your opposing team is playing. Also, there was some reluctance to sell alcohols.
• LSU - France (+600 odds to win); They talk funny, smell bad, love garlic, and almost no one likes them plus these are the qualities its fans feel like make them special and deserving of wins.
• South Carolina - Mexico; Cock fighting is pretty big here, and there’s a very complicated a weird relationship with its neighbor to the north.
• Tennessee - Netherlands (+1200 odds to win); ORANGE ORANGE ORANGE DID WE MENTION ORANGE!!!1 This program comes really close but never makes it to the top, but somehow they believe they invented the game.
• Texas A&M - Saudi Arabia; There’s a lot of bad decisions made with a boatload of oil money plus there’s a lot of cultish religious behavior that makes everyone uncomfortable.
• Vanderbilt - South Korea (+25000 odds to win); Long odds to win it all for starters and the team most likely to not have to use a calculator to ace a math test.

There you have it. Grab a scarf and start singing your national anthem, it’s time to hop on the pitch for some footyball.