It’s the most wonderful time of the year!
College football is wrapping up with some of its most entertaining matchups and everyone will be looking ahead to postseason opportunities. While the rest of the SEC enjoys its relaxing Thanksgiving, those football fans in the Magnolia state will be dreading Thursday nights festivities. Two coaches will have to postpone Turkey Day plans this week, but for everyone else, we already know what they’ll be bringing.
Here are what the SEC coaches are contributing to the Thanksgiving table with this year:
Mark Stoops, Kentucky: Canned cranberry sauce
It’s going to be there, you know what it is going to look and taste like, the only thing more rigid than the can it comes in, is the defenders of how it is a great compliment to the actual true stars of the meal.
Kirby Smart, Georgia: Mashed Potatoes
A good mashed potato on a Thanksgiving plate truly shines. You’re enjoying every smooth, buttery bite until you get a leftover peel or big chunk. Just like Kirby Smart and Georgia, things seem really really great, until they’re not. And it comes at you fast.
Mike Leach, Mississippi St.: Ivermectin and uncomfortable comments no one knows how to react to
This one is pretty self explanatory. He’s like the weird uncle that doesn’t feel like he needs to bring anything, ever. However, this year it will be different. Leach brought some horse de-wormer to demonstrate how much better his life is now that he’s taken it. Mix in some weird metaphors that never make sense and it’s officially the holidays with crazy uncle Mike.
Shane Beamer, South Carolina: Free-range organic turkey
Shane Beamer brined this turkey with his own tears, cooked it to perfection, and then gave you everything you could have hoped for and more.
Josh Heupel, Tennessee: Ham with a mustard glaze
Strictly based off of appearance on this one, Heupel shows up with a mustard-glazed ham. It makes no sense, but somehow, it works.
Sam Pittman, Arkansas: Mac and Cheese
It’s phenomenal and life changing, but sometimes, usually after, makes you really sad and hurt all over. Always feels like a good idea until you’re right in the thick of it, then it’s too late.
Nick Saban, Alabama: Dressing (a.k.a. stuffing)
Ahhh, old faithful. Dressing is what Thanksgiving is made of. It’s a little dry and kind of boring, but Thanksgiving wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without it. Dressing is one of those dishes that if you stay classic with it, it’s almost always a winner.
Lane Kiffin, Ole Miss: Charcuterie board
A newer, but just as essential part of Thanksgiving. It’s trendy, exciting for the younger folks, and gets the people going with its surprise factor everytime. In fact, it’s so good that you might overdo it and have to scale back on the more traditional Thanksgiving dishes.
Dan Mullen, ex-Florida: Leftover candy from Halloween
By the time Thanksgiving rolls around, the exciting things from September and October just don’t have the same appeal in late November. So instead of letting things go and moving on, Dan Mullen brings it all to Thanksgiving to try and convince you it still has it’s same appeal. The good news is, he won’t be back to continue this tradition into next year.
Eli Drinkwitz, Missouri: Buttered Rolls
Soft and pudgy. Typically a vehicle for something better. You don’t really need it, but you don’t want to live without it either.
Jimbo Fisher, Texas A&M: Corn Casserole (with unnecessary green chiles)
As someone not from the South, I don’t understand what corn casserole is all about, but it seems to get a niche segment very excited. Ultimately, it’s a lot of starch and dairy, and Jimbo would definitely brag about his not one, but two ranches that produced this dish with some green chiles thrown in for desperate Texas pandering.
Clark Lea, Vanderbilt: Green Beans
Green beans have always been on my families Thanksgiving table. They are a critical element to the experience because you need something green, but once you get to the end of the table and it’s already piled full of all of the actual good stuff, those green beans get tossed aside for your “second plate.”
Bryan Harsin, Auburn: Sweet Potato Casserole
Like Sweet Potato Casserole, Bryan Harsin and Auburn are a little soft. It stays very consistently above average, and you might even look forward to it! But once Turkey Day actually rolls around, you’ll remember the only reason you put it on your plate is because of the marshmallows.
Ed Orgeron, LSU: Fried Turkey with Cajun Butter injection
After looking forward to the main star of the show all year long, Orgeron tips it over and burns the entire house down right at the end. Even with all of the best resources and very simple instructions, he still managed to knock it over into full blown flames. He won’t be there to clean up the mess, though. Thankfully, someone remembered to bring the ham.