Thanks to the mind of OG Red Solo Cup blogger, The One That Got Away, we have one of our better ideas in a time that’s generally lacking good ideas because <gestures to everything in existence right now>. Now, we weren’t there when the idea popped into his head, but we can re-create that moment through some gif-magic:
Taking the idea, pulling the left guard, and running with it, we have created the best perfect season for the Ole Miss Rebels. Using winning game results since 2012, we crafted the most satisfying 15-0 campaign possible.
We did so under the following conditions:
- Four non-conference wins, including an FCS team (SEC/SOCON/BIG SOUTH END OF NOVEMBER CHALLENGE FOREVER)
- Eight regular season SEC wins (six West wins, two East wins)
- One additional East win for the SEC Championship Game in Atlanta
- Two additional wins in the College Football Playoff
With those rules in play, let’s get to the season that would free us from caring about what happens with Ole Miss football until the end of time. PLAYING WITH HOUSE MONEY, FRIENDS. Enjoy.
Ole Miss 48, Oklahoma State 20
Opening weekend non-conference matchup in New Orleans? Yes and hell yes.
We realize that starting with Ole Miss’ Sugar Bowl win over Oklahoma State is setting a blistering pace, like a three-minute mile pace, but we are Ole Miss fans and being reasonable is not in the playbook.
In reality, if Ole Miss ever opened the season with a non-conference win against a name program in New Orleans, we’d all be running on fumes by Week 4.
Ole Miss 73, Fresno State 21
We take a step down in competition for a paycheck game, but we love watching all the points under the direction of SWAG in 2015.
Ole Miss 41, Vanderbilt 3
A game in which we didn’t screw around or struggle with the Commodores?
SURELY YOU JEST.
This game from 2014 makes the list because, while Vanderbilt was not good, it was an early season indicator that Ole Miss might be really good. They ripped Vandy apart, which is what good teams should do against garbage teams.
Shout-out to Philip Rivers’ brother going 6-of-25 (NOT A TYPO) for 60 yards and one interception.
Ole Miss 24, Memphis 3
You could say we included this 2014 game because the Ole Miss defense flexed and flexed to the point of only allowing 104 total yards to an offense run by future first-round NFL pick Paxton Lynch, but the real reason?
KICKER GETTING TOSSED THREE MINUTES INTO THE GAME. LET’S GO.
Ole Miss 23, Alabama 17
We are fully aware this list is slowly morphing into the 2014 season (minus the last quarter of it) but for good reason. It was fun! We were elite! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND DECENT, WHY DID HUGH FREEZE TRY TO BEAT LSU 7-3 THAT SEASON?
(brief pause for a few hits on the oxygen tank)
We’ll say it if no other cowards will: it’s a lot of fun being really good and dunking on teams. Sorry if this offends.
One final note, it’s.....
(hand to ear)
Ladies and gentlemen, we’re getting some media we must share. These are raw pictures we’ve had no time to filter, so please use your discretion when viewing.
Fucking eat it.
Ole Miss 35, Texas A&M 20
We continue with one of the most satisfying stretches in our lifetime as Ole Miss fans. One week after knocking off top-ranked Alabama in 2014, Ole Miss went to College Station for the first time since the Aggies joined the SEC and, against a top-15 team (at the time), rolled into the fourth quarter with a 35-7 lead.
I should just jump drive everything, works on 24. Did find this though: Cody Prewitt pick six against Texas A&M pic.twitter.com/cOfvIIrnQG— Chris Hudgison (@ChrisHudgison) May 16, 2017
No hangover, no messing around, just trashing the home team in front of 100,000-plus. A surgical, fully operational Death Star performance by a team that knew it could tear opponents apart and there was nothing they could do about it.
Five out of five stars! Would watch again!
Ole Miss 34, Tennessee 3
Our final run with the 2014 season, but what an experience it was. Ole Miss did not play well offensively, but it dominated (DOMINATED) defensively. They held Tennessee to 191 total yards and 3-of-16 on third down, while creating four turnovers.
More importantly, Ole Miss created this gif:
You’re welcome, college football.
Ole Miss 41, Auburn 20
It wouldn’t be a complete season without 2012 Dr. Bo catching the only touchdown reception of his career.
Ole Miss 37, Arkansas 33
Every championship team has at least one scare along the way. A rainy, gross night in Little Rock when your second-best receiver is lost for the season due to injury qualifies as scary.
Let us not forget, Ole Miss was sitting on its own three-yard line, down two with 1:57 to go. A very strong rating on the NOT GREAT, BOB scale.
However, they scored the go-ahead touchdown with 42 seconds left. Although it screamed huge scored-too-soon energy, Ole Miss held on for the win.
Ole Miss 38, LSU 17
You may be clamoring for the 2013 LSU game in this spot, but, fam, as an undefeated team, we ain’t no underdog. Ole Miss is a destructive force and that’s what happened here in 2015.
All of the Fournettes could not save the Tigers from SWAG.
Ole Miss 48, Presbyterian 0
SEC/SOCON/BIG SOUTH ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED.
Ole Miss 38, Mississippi State 27
While you may have had the A.J. Brown “this is my city” and D.K. Metcalf’s fake pee game in 2017 penciled in here, we’re going with Ole Miss up 28-3 with 10:25 to play in the second quarter in 2015. At that point, Ole Miss was on pace for 86 points, which is an indictment on Hugh Freeze for not trying to get to 86.
It was an absolute trashing of the highest degree, and we still love to see it. We also love seeing senior Mississippi State quarterbacks coming back to college, specifically for this game, throwing a pick-six, and literally pooping their pants.
SEC Championship Game
Ole Miss 45, Georgia 14
We thank the scheduling gods for getting Georgia on the schedule in early 2016 while we still had peak SWAG and a defense that hadn’t totally collapsed.
It was also a blessing that Georgia, in Kirby Smart’s first year, was showcasing the same prehistoric offense that continues today, but they had not turned up the defensive talent and execution to 11.
College Football Playoff Semifinal
Ole Miss 44, Texas 23
As we mentioned earlier, dunking on name teams is fun! We regret not doing it more.
If the game was in this position and real, we’re imagining Ole Miss fans with BACs well, well north of .08 approaching Texas fans who are leaving early and offering to get an Uber for them.
$26.32 FLEX, FAM.
College Football Playoff National Championship Game
Ole Miss 43, Alabama 37
It all ends with a reminder that, for two seasons, Ole Miss could and did compete with the best. If only we could get a handle on our self-destructive tendencies, we’d be - jk never happening so just buckle up.
It’s also a reminder that a revenge shot ends with more pain and suffering for Alabama fans. Sorry we weren’t the same as a miserable rematch with LSU.
How we hate to see that, but we love to see this.
Hang the banner, y’all. We have fucking done it.