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The Official Power Rankings for every Outback Steakhouse appetizer

It’s what everyone (see: suburban dads) has been asking for.

North Carolina State Wolfpack v Florida State Seminoles Photo by Doug Benc/Getty Images

Many know the annual promotion tradition from the good people at Outback Steakhouse from the outcome of its sponsored bowl game. Each team is assigned either a Bloomin’ Onion or coconut shrimp appetizer, and the winning team will award a free appetizer to anyone who orders it the following day.

Free food is a welcome sight for anyone in these here United States, especially when an Ole Miss victory means a free Bloomin’ Onion. The Indiana Hoosiers are team coconut shrimp, and honestly, it’s really an OK app but not what you go to Outback for to be honest.

So the Cup got to thinking - what about power ranking the appetizers at Outback to crown a champion of the pre-meal? Yeah, maybe it IS a slow week in sports you guys.

Here we go.

No. 6 - Coconut Shrimp

Coconut is really pretty terrible. Shrimp is a top three protein easily, but coating it in coconut pretty much ruins it for me. Far and away the last thing I’d order prior to my NY Strip and fixin’s.

There’s a huge gap between the other five and this, and hopefully the Hoosiers’ play will be reminiscent of my feelings about this app.

No. 5 Three Cheese Steak Dip

You get the signature Outback steak in this dip, which makes it pretty fantastic. Gouda, parmesan and jack cheeses are all solid options for a cheese centric dip - a little nutty, a little creamy and indulgent, but nothing too outside the box.

For me, though with this hearty of a dip, you need some toast or bagel chips to really stack it high and take a ride to caloric bliss.

No. 4 Aussie Cheese Fries

It’s french fries covered in cheese and bacon with a side of ranch. It is peak basic white people appetizer, and it’s done pretty well. There’s nothing exceptionally unique about it, however, so that costs this app in the ranking.

No. 3 Shrimp on the Barbie

I am saying a quick prayer for all the servers at Outback past, present and future for the knuckleheads who come in there with their Jim Carrey in “Dumb and Dumber” impersonations while ordering this. These same folks know about three Spanish colloquialisms they regularly use at their local Mexican restaurant when ordering P-5.

All that aside, these are delicious, grilled shrimp. It’s a little indulgent, you don’t have grilled seafood every day, and it’s a great set up for a steak dinner. Classic app.

No. 2 Kookaburra Wings

It’s hard to beat good wings when it comes to the pre-meal festivities. It is strong enough to stand alone as a meal as well really giving it some juice in the power rankings. Outback ain’t known for chicken dishes though (Alice Springs chicken, shh, you’re second tier), and that’s why number one goes to the Outback GOAT...

No. 1 Bloomin’ Onion

A fried root vegetable comes piping hot to your table. Yep, you went all out and got the Bloomin’ Onion for the family. Everyone cheers. You’re a damn hero. It’s crispy, salty, fatty, umami, all of the good things in life. It’s got comeback sauce, which should be the official condiment of the state of Mississippi. You think of Outback, you think of the Outback Bowl and you say, “dear sweet baby Jesus, which team gets me a free Bloomin’ Onion?”

Well folks, it’s Ole Miss’ time to make dreams come true by bestowing the No. 1 appetizer possibly in America for free to the masses. Let’s go get that boomerang’d trophy.