A history of blowout losses in Tuscaloosa

Given that Ole Miss faces one of college football’s most efficient killing machines on Saturday, there’s not much use for a WHEN I TURN ON THE TAPE, BOB post, as the Rebels lack multiple firepowers to challenge Alabama. Throw in the game being in Tuscaloosa, which is the graveyard of Ole Miss football, and it’s going to be a challenge for the Alabama student section to please Nick Saban and see this one through to the end.

To unlock self-preservation mode, we need to get our minds right, respectfully of course, for what is headed straight for us. The outcome on Saturday will never be in doubt, and that’s okay because no one who resides in this plane of reality is expecting it to be.

However, even though the worst is expected, it can be jarring when the points avalanche hits. To ready ourselves, let’s look back on the blowout losses Ole Miss has endured in Tuscaloosa as a reminder that it has happened a lot and is not a sign of doom and gloom.

Ole Miss has played Alabama in Tuscaloosa 29 times, winning only twice, thanks to Dog Brewer in 1988, and SWAG Kelly and friends dunking on the Tide with well-designed plays in 2015. Of the 27 losses in Tuscaloosa, 15 (55.6 percent) have been blowouts, which are losses of 24 points or more.

In those 15 blowouts, the combined score is 666-30. That’s right, THE MARK OF THE BEAST to 30. Cancel the game and all future games so this score can stay preserved forever.

1901

Fresh off a 6-0 win over Memphis University School, Ole Miss charged in to Tuscaloosa under the direction of co-head coaches William Sibley and Daniel S. Martin. I’m assuming the 41-0 loss was mostly on Sibley, as Martin was the lone head coach in 1902.

1916

Let’s chalk up the 27-0 loss to being distracted by the events of World War I. Thanks a lot, Woodrow Wilson.

1917

DID YOU KNOW: The 54-0 loss occurred on the watch of head coach C.R. (Dudy) Noble, who went on to do baseball things at Mississippi State. Clearly, what we had here was - extreme message board voice - A SLEEPER AGENT AT WORK.

Noble also coached the 1918 team (his final season) and finished with an overall 2-7-1 record. Good decision on that career change, sir.

1919

On October 11th, which is just a few weeks away, you can celebrate the 100th anniversary of this 49-0 thrashing. I recommend a customized cake, if only to hear and/or see the reaction of the employee who says, “Do what now?” when you tell him or her the icing inscription on the cake should say ‘Happy 100th Anniversary 49-0 Loss to Alabama in Tuscaloosa’.

1923

After the 56-0 loss, Ole Miss head coach R.A. Cowell told his players after the game that the people outside were gonna try to turn them in to a LOCKER ROOM LAWYA. No idea if it’s true, but I just wanted to remind everyone Houston Nutt created whatever a locker room lawyer is.

1928

Only losing 27-0, Ole Miss likely made Alabama students stay for at least some of the fourth quarter, causing some of them to get to Gallettes later than they wanted to.

1930 and 1931

Ole Miss was outscored 119-6 (64-0 in 1930 and 55-6 in 1931). Maybe don’t do back-to-back trips to Tuscaloosa? Just throwing out ideas here.

My hope is that these two games were on Jefferson Pilot, it was hot, and everyone was miserable.

1981

After 1932, Ole Miss decided to chill on trips to Tuscaloosa for the next 49 years. GOOD CALL.

I have no idea why someone put most of this game on the internet dot com, but they did!

Also of note, here are five Ole Miss players false starting at once:

1983

It’s coaches’ show season, friends.

Sponsored by:

Whenever you can make your tagline be “In case you don’t recognize our name, here is a description of our logo, followed by who we think we are”, you have to do it.

Speaking of Pony, obligatory:

As for the game, kudos to Ole Miss head coach Billy Brewer for having all his timeouts remaining in the second half of a 40-0 loss. No need to watch that longer than necessary.

1996

If you recall, the 1996 season was Tommy Tuberville’s second year in charge, and the second season for Ole Miss to be locked away in NCAA supermax prison.

The program received a TV ban in 1995 and could only give 13 scholarships in the 1995 and 1996 recruiting cycles. So, as you might imagine, it was not expected to go well on this day.

The good news was that Ole Miss was back on TV, appearing on the EDGY FOR THE YOUTHS ESPN2.

lower case 4 life.

We would be remiss if we didn’t note this:

Final score:

Turns out, it was ESPN2 who actually started the SpongeBob upper and lower case letters meme.

2000

I attended this game and can testify that it was not fun! With 2:40 to play until halftime, Ole Miss led 7-6. The score at halftime: Alabama 21, Ole Miss 7.

Here is the exact moment I left the game:

I don’t remember exactly, but I like to think I was walking down the aisle stairs before the Alabama player reached the end zone. Had I seen this face prior to kickoff, I probably would’ve left at kickoff.

The final score of a loss to an Alabama team that would lose its next five games to finish 3-8?

2002

Because I am dumb and learn no lessons in life, I went right back to Tuscaloosa two years later. I mean, we had Eli Manning! It was his junior year after a great sophomore year! Surely things would be better!

2013

We pick things up late in the first quarter, after Dr. Bo has just completed a 26-yard pass to Donte Moncrief on third and nine to earn the offense’s second first down of the game. Ole Miss has some momentum going in a game where they’re not being overwhelmed.

Friends, you already know what’s coming.

Fortunately, Hugh Freeze never ran the Treadwell Pass Play ever again, right?

“Would you like a birthday retweet?”

2017

The saddest part about this loss is that Hugh Freeze did not have to stand on the sideline while Alabama ripped apart his cratering program. If not for the obsessiveness of a lone Ole Miss compliance blogger who checked phone records, we could’ve gotten the late-game sideline shots of him taking in the stink he created.