Ole Miss Power Rankings: Sports Are Pain, Eat Your Feelings Edition

While the end of the Ole Miss/Cal game drew most of the mad-in-real-life and mad-online energy, let us not ignore the things that put Ole Miss in a position to give the Pac-12 officials the opportunity to showcase their ability to be Pac-12 officials. The first 24 minutes of the second half were a delicious, blue-collar blend of punting, giving up explosive plays, and not understanding math.

A review of those first 24 minutes:

• 25 plays for 103 yards
• Three punts
• Giving up 43 yards on a third and 10
• Giving up 15 yards on a third and 14
• Giving up a 60-yard touchdown pass on second and 10
• Burned a timeout in the third quarter on defense (probably wouldn’t be an issue, right?)
• With nine minutes left, one missed field goal that would’ve cut a two-score lead to a two-score lead

Final review: Zero out of five stars!

The attempted field goal down 15 is the real highlight and captures the essence of Years One, Two, and Three of Matt Luke’s first year as Ole Miss head coach. I realize there are very few successful plays you can call on fourth and goal from the 12, but let’s do some math here.

It’s 28-13 with nine minutes to play, which means, at best, you’re getting two more possessions. If you make the field goal, the score is 28-16, which is a difference of 12, meaning you need two touchdowns in your last two possessions. If you go for it on fourth down and don’t score, YOU STILL NEED TWO TOUCHDOWNS IN YOUR LAST TWO POSSESSIONS.

(1) Respect

It’s #BamaRespectWeek, which means we have to bow the head, avoid eye contact, and pay tribute to the Tide. Being neutral is not an option, as the Tide will interpret this as silent disrespect, which could be worse than actual disrespect.

Here are a few ways you can live your best #BamaRespectWeek:

• Ask your family, friends, neighbors, and co-workers if they too believe Nick Saban has changed the definition of greatness
• Ask a stranger which one of Alabama’s 17 national titles is his or her favorite
• Shop exclusively at strip malls
• Test drive a Dodge Charger
• Berate someone for asking a question you don’t like
• End every sentence you speak with “aight”

(2) Party Deck Catering Tents

STILL IN FIRST PLACE IN THE SEC WEST, BABY.

(3) Official Rebuttals

Especially when crafted in a way that gets the point across and celebrates the English language.

(4) More Respect

There can never be enough respect during #BamaRespectWeek. If you feel like you’re running out of ways to respect the Tide and don’t want to slip into silent disrespect, here are a few more ways you can show respect.

• Place a warm 20-ounce bottle of Coke on your desk, with the label facing away from you
• If you go to a movie, don’t leave until all the credits have been shown
• Process things in your home that are no longer of use to you

(5) John Rhys Plumlee

So, a pretty good start to his career, yes?! I thought the most impressive part was that he looked like he knew exactly what to do at all times. Quick, correct decisions, followed by execution. ACCEPTABLE IMO.

In fact, it was so successful that most people will forget it prevented what should have been Ole Miss losing by two touchdowns at home to a non-conference underdog. Seems bad!

(6) Elijah Moore

Our shifty, difficult-slot-matchup son continues to be the feature target in the Ole Miss passing game. On Saturday, he added 11 more receptions to his season total.

Last season, Moore caught 36 passes for 398 yards and two touchdowns. Through four games this season, Moore is already at 29 receptions for 380 yards and three touchdowns.

LET OUR SHIFTY SON COOK.

(7) Deantre Prince

One good thing did happen with the Ole Miss pass defense!

His first career interception, and let’s get this HYPE TRAIN ROLLING.

(8) Traditions

Traditions tumbles from third to eighth in this week’s power rankings due to some Ole Miss fans being upset that Tony the Landshark, our traditional mascot since 1979, is becoming more visible. This seems odd because everyone knows how the old saying goes:

(9) Apathy

The announced attendance for the home opener against Arkansas was just under 48,000, while the attendance for Cal checked in right below 47,000. I think you can safely subtract 8,000-ish from those numbers and get much closer to the keisters-in-seats count.

While Matt Luke is the head coach, those numbers and the poison surrounding the football program are not all on him. He didn’t seize the head coaching job in some sort of coup. He was offered the job and, very smartly, said yes to a three-million dollar salary. Who among us would do the exact same? All of us, that’s who.

We can criticize the way the team continues to make mistakes, Luke’s clock management issues, and anything else not related to talent deficit, but this team was going to lose no matter who the head coach was. Two and three years ago, everyone pointed to 2019 and said it was going to be a rough year. Now that year is here, and said rough year is unfolding.

On the surface, people are mad about losing to beatable teams like Memphis and Cal, but the real frustration with the current state of Ole Miss football is that a group of people convinced Jeffrey Vitter and/or Ross Bjork to hire their friend, instead of doing what is best for the football program. Ole Miss is a school where the Good Ol’ Boy network has wrecked athletics for decades (DECADES), and fans have had enough of this back-slapping, taking care of good Rebels, small-minded idiocy.

The only way this gets fixed and restores confidence among fans is the hardest of resets. New coach, new athletic director, new assistants to the assistant athletic director, and a commitment to not doing favors for somebody’s brother-in-law because he is an Ole Miss guy.

Until that happens, people are not going to invest in Ole Miss football and nor should they. Why give money and time to people who don’t really care about what’s best for Ole Miss, but use the idea that they do to benefit themselves and their friends?

(10) Matt Luke meme

Let’s get a grad assistant from the Math department.