Ole Miss Power Rankings: Above .500 Edition

Yes, events last Saturday were largely gross and uninspired against an FCS team, but according to my math, enough was done to get Ole Miss on the right side of .500, which is all that matters. There wasn’t much to take away, other than a third straight subpar performance from the Ole Miss offensive line, but surely they’ll get it together in time for Saturday!

Ole Miss has serious, potentially unfixable issues at left guard and center, and there’s a maybe at left tackle with the addition of Nick Broeker. I suppose we will find out this weekend if that’s either a solid ‘no’ or a line that is 60 percent functional.

In the meantime, gather up the rocks for the impending rock fight against Cal this weekend. The forecast calls for significant unpleasantness, punts, and our visiting Northern California Bear cousins cussin’ at the humidity.

(1) Party Deck Catering Tents

STILL HERE, BABY. 2-0.

(2) Traditions

As much as Ole Miss people love talmbout traditions, our traditional mascot has got some folks upset on the net.

(3) Humidity

Gonna need you bumping up into the 60-percent range on Saturday, buddy. I want our visitors to feel as though they are wrapped in a warm, wet wool blanket that is impossible to peel off. Oh, and if you could make it so breathing takes effort, that would be swell, too.

(4) Scottie Phillips

Our low-center-of-gravity son is currently third in the SEC rushing yards and tied for first in rushing touchdowns. As a reminder, the official stance of the Red Cup Rebellion dot com blog is LET SCOTTIE COOK.

(5) Jerrion Ealy

On his way to setting the school freshman record of 273 all-purpose yards, he added 95 rushing yards and a touchdown on nine carries. The Ole Miss running game is overly reliant on explosive plays, but he can generate them. LET EALY COOK WHILE SCOTTIE IS GETTING A WELL-DESERVED REST AFTER SERVING UP ANOTHER DELICIOUS MEAL.

(6) Elijah Moore

Our shifty, difficult-slot-matchup son leads the team in receptions with 18, after seven receptions for 88 yards and a touchdown against SELA. If you were to tally the combined receptions of Octavious Cooley, Jason Pellerin, Dontario Drummond, Jonathan Mingo, Miles Battle, and Demarcus Gregory, you would have a total of 20 receptions. Surely Cal won’t bracket him and force someone else to make a play!

(7) Rich Rod’s Treadwell Pass Play

I couldn’t find footage of this play in the SELA game because there isn’t a hero who values his or her time so little that he or she uploads that game to YouTube, but this play happened. However, Arkansas and Memphis footage is available.

The play I’m talking about is a screen pass to a tight end. Against Memphis, Octavious Cooley was on the receiving end.

Against Arkansas, it was Jason Pellerin.

I realize that there is a negative 407 percent chance of converting a third and 16 or a third and goal from the 18, but this play has me triggered because of a certain coach who would rather have control of his Twitter account than be the head coach at Florida. Let us hope this development is just a conservative call in a relatively impossible situation and not a CAN’T WAIT TO TWITTER SEARCH MY NAME AND CRAWL UP IN THE MENTIONS OF THOSE WHO SAID IT WOULDN’T WORK.

(8) Matt Luke

Hollerin’, casual cussin’, and turning red because you don’t have to be blood to be up only 10 against Southeastern Louisiana at halftime.

(9) Nick Broeker’s agreement with Matt Luke and his concern for Matt Luke

“Need more effort and passion, totally agree, but are people supposed to be that shade of red? At least take a breath, coach. No? No breaths? Sweet mercy, he has the lung capacity of blue whale.”

(10) Matt Luke meme

When Ole Miss went to Cal two seasons ago, there were some Ole Miss fans who were concerned about attending the game because they might be swallowed up by Antifa or the dreaded GOT DANG LIBERAL AGENDA. One trip to Berkeley and the next thing they know, they’re considering voting for a DEMOCRAT.

“I’d rather be at home and not enjoy a long weekend in a beautiful part of the world in near-perfect weather because the libs could brainwash me during the game.”

Totally normal thinking and not brain worms.

Thankfully for those folks this weekend, our Ole Miss-lovin’ head coach plans to have none of that dirty lib business in his stadium.