It’s non-goosebump time in Oxford, Mississippi as we enter the stretch of summer where no news is good news. No news means a player for any sport hasn’t done anything dumb, an assistant coach hasn’t passed out face first in his meatball sub at a dining establishment, and a head coach hasn’t been discovered visiting massage parlors to enjoy the company of women who are not his wife.
Granted, it’s early in the summer stretch, but LET’S KEEP UP THE NO NEWS, FAM. We do not need yet another reason to despair about Ole Miss athletics.
On a sad note, this week’s rankings include no Matt Luke smashing opposing running backs during his days at Gulfport High. After a brief search, I have concluded last week’s video was all the high school Matt Luke content on the internet dot com. RIP, joy.
With a heavy heart, we move on to the rankings.
(1) THEY SEE ME ROLLIN’ THEY HATIN’
WE’LL TAKE IT.
An adequate substitute for linebacker Matt Luke video, IMO. At the next Red Cup board meeting, I will make a motion that we pivot from being an Ole Miss sports blog to a Rich Rodriguez’s dogs blog.
(2) Rich Rodriguez’s co-pilot
I’m not sure which dog this is, nor can I tell them apart, but I assume Rich Rod had them draw straws to see who gets to ride in the single carrier. More importantly, GET A DOUBLE CARRIER. THINK OF THE SEPARATION ANXIETY.
(3) Rich Rodriguez facing down the haters
Pls. Can’t hold him and that ride down.
(4) Rich Rodriguez leaving the haters behind
Y’all ain’t want none of this.
(5) June crootin’? JUNE CROOTIN’.
Though it goes against every fiber of my being to talk recruiting six months from Signing Day I and eight months from Signing Day II, Matt Luke and company landed the pledge of a few players in which schools in the top half of the SEC have expressed interest.
Who knows if these commitments will stick, because youths, relatives, bag men, and coaches, but it’s nice to temporarily not be sweating the quarterback, wide receiver, and linebacker (DOES NOT COMPUTE 10101010101) positions.
(6) Rich Rodriguez’s scooter
That’s right, HARD EDGE. Not everyone can be about that scooter life.
(7) STOP THE PRESSES
(8) Rich Rod Meme
(9) Matt Luke Meme II
(10) Rich Rodriguez Meme II
If he does leave after one year at Ole Miss, the good news is that we likely won’t be bad on offense! Considering that we will likely be worse next season at every position on offense other than running back, I would accept that.
Seriously, when you’re in a non-dark place, go look at the offensive line depth chart. You’ll find two returning starters and five guys total who played in at least six games last year (one primarily played special teams). That’s it.
Surely that won’t be an issue against above average defensive front fours!
For the record, if we don’t get another video of Rich Rod and his dogs or Matt Luke BRINGING THE PAIN from his high school days, I cannot imagine what next week in this space will be like.