We’re back for another dispatch from the mezzanine of the J.D. Williams Library, which is not crowded during finals week because only a select few know how to find its levels. Outside of baseball and softball, it was a relatively slow weekend, which is a good thing because no news in out-of-season sports is the best kind of news.
For a recap of last week’s hotly contested polls, you can get caught up here. While you’re doing that, the rest of us are on to the consistently inconsistent Power Rankings.
(1) Ole Miss Baseball BACK (AGAIN) (MAYBE)
Fresh off their first series win over LSU in Baton Rouge since the Year of Our Lord nineteen hundred and eighty two, the Diamond Rebels have once again tried to rise from the regional two-seed grave to perhaps be in the conversation for hosting a regional in Oxford.
Ole Miss is 32-17 overall (15-9 in the SEC; tied for second in the West) with six SEC games remaining. They host Mississippi State this weekend, followed by a trip to Knoxville to play Tennessee to close out regular season conference play.
Between those series, they have a mid-week game at Arkansas State that they will certainly lose 12-8 or something even more dumb. I don’t know about you, but I love getting in from Jonesboro at a gross hour late Tuesday night/early Wednesday morning and immediately driving to Knoxville for a Thursday night game. It’s the only way to schedule.
(2) Winning a Baseball Series in Baton Rouge
As mentioned above, last weekend’s series win over LSU was the first time Ole Miss accomplished that feat since roughly the halfway mark of Ronald Reagan’s first presidential term. For the youths out there, here are some #FACTSONLY about life in 1982:
- Everyone’s vision was standard definition
- The current Ole Miss bag men were only Cub Scout Bag Men
- The MUH TRADISHERNS Colonel Reb mascot was three (3) years old and just as shitty as he was at his embarrassingly late death in 2003
- The Ole Miss athletics administration was engaged in good ol’ boy activity and neglect that served themselves and not the school, which should’ve resulted in people going to prison IMO
(3) Scoring 19 runs in a game
I’m no BASEBALL MAN™, but if Ole Miss scores 19 runs a game for the rest of the season, I like their chances of winning them all*.
*Except elimination games in which a team brings in its right fielder to throw multiple shutout innings.
It’s finals week at Ole Miss, people. BOW TO YOUR GPA-SUSTAINING GOD. AND NO THE PERSON NEXT TO YOU DOES NOT HAVE AN EXTRA. GET YOUR ISH TOGETHER AND SHOW UP TO THE FINAL WITH ONE LIKE A NON-GARBAGE PERSON.
(5) Oxford Baristas/Sellers of Coffee
These men and women will fuel thousands of undergrad and graduate students during a stressful and exhausting week. They may spell your name with four extra vowels, but tip them well, as they give your body the caffeine it doesn’t want but your brain craves.
(6) 15-9 Leads
Though it is often described as the most dangerous lead in baseball with one out to go, Ole Miss ignored the demon-screams of hundreds of other teams who have coughed up a 15-9 lead in the bottom of the ninth with two outs and got the win.
For all the other teams that couldn’t hang on, the best way to overcome such a collapse is to score four in the top of the 10th because that makes sense.
(7) Optional Final Exams
There are few joys in life that can be matched by a professor explaining to you, for the first time, that you don’t have to take the final exam if you’re happy with your current grade. Could I spend double-digit hours studying and bump that grade from a “B” to an “A”? MAYBE.
Is it worth it? LOL, LET ME COUNT ALL THE TIMES MY BOSS HAS ASKED ME IF I GOT A “B” OR AN “A” IN A CLASS.
8) J.D. Williams Library
Home to the Power Rankings, it’s seeing more traffic than it has seen since December. I never studied much in the library during finals week because it had this eerily quiet Mad Max vibe.
Sure, it’s your table now, but if you close your eyes for more than three seconds, we will strip it for parts and your table is now the two-legged chair you’re sitting on.
(9) The Final Everyone Bombs and You Get Your Grade Going into the Final
This happened to me once, and I shall never forget it. Accounting 202. Why they made everyone in the Business School take this class, I do not know.
I do know that I knew I was a dead man walking going into the final. Fortunately, so was everyone else. It went so poorly that the accounting teachers agreed to give all students the grades we had before their exam destroyed whatever hope we possessed.
(10) Walking Out of Your Last Final
There are two levels here. One is closing out the semester knowing you have more semesters to go. While a great feeling, you know the cycle will start over again.
The second level is being done for good, unless you plan to engage in the graduate studies route, in which case, GODSPEED, FRIEND. However, if you are truly done, to you I say, welcome to a life of zero more tests.
By the way, the trash pickup is on Fridays, recycling comes every two weeks, direct deposit is your friend, all bills are coached by Nick Saban, and it’s only like 40 more years until you don’t have to get up before 8 AM.