The Power Rankings checks in from the mezzanine of the J.D. Williams Library a little on the disoriented side after a myriad of successes on the Ole Miss athletics front. It’s not often so much goes well, which only fuels the paranoia the Ole Miss sports experience for fans is a government experiment to see what this athletics-fueled rollercoaster ride does to life expectancy.
If you missed last week’s very accurate rankings (who do you think you are and how dare you), you may learn more about what’s happening here. With that, we power on to the rankings where the only consistency is that there is no consistency.
(1) Ole Miss Softball
If you’re scoring at home, and softball is a sport that allows you to do that very thing, the Rebel softball team defeated Tennessee two out of three games to wrap up its sixth SEC series win and now sits at 36-13 overall and third place (13-7) in the SEC. Oh, and they’re out here breaking program single-game attendance records. They sit 2.5 games back of first place Alabama with three games to play. SO YOU’RE SAYING THERE’S A CHANCE?!?!
I’m reminded of a tweet (perhaps the saddest phrase in the English language) in which you need to substitute Mark Jackson’s name for “SEC softball analyst” and Steve Kerr’s for Ole Miss head coach Mike Smith.
MARK JACKSON: it shows you how hard it is to win in this league— Ethan Booker (@Ethan_Booker) May 9, 2015
STEVE KERR: *roller-blades backwards past the scorer's table* not that hard
(2) The Second Round of the NFL Draft
Three of our large, athletic sons found their professional homes on Friday. Greg Little was selected 37th overall by Carolina, A.J. Brown went 51st overall to Tennessee, and D.K. Metcalf closed out the second round, going 64th overall to Seattle.
While their accomplishments provided some good news for the Ole Miss football program, the most important takeaway on Friday was no screenshots of them talking about money with Ole Miss staffers appeared because the Lord’s work was done correctly via burner phone.
(3) Greg Little
(TAKING A PAYCUT AMIRITE,,,,,,,FOLKSS,,,,,,,)
(4) A.J. Brown
(5) D.K. Metcalf
(6) Dawson Knox
Taken 96th overall by the Buffalo BillS (BILLS MAFIA, STAND UP, PLS PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON AND STOP BREAKING TABLES), Knox also joins his fellow offensive players as someone who is drafte-
hE wON’t gEt DrAfTEd bEcAUsE hIs cOLLeGe sTaTs wERe nOt gOoD.
Thank you for logging on with your #sprotstaeks, respected talent evaluators.
(7) Javon Patterson
(7) Ken Webster
Patterson, the large human guard, was taken in the seventh round by the Indianapolis Colts, who may also be about to UNLOCK THE SWAG, while Webster went six picks later to the New England Patriots. An exciting time for both of these guys, especially Webster, who worked his way back from an exceptionally gross knee injury to open the 2016 season.
Count me among the many who assumed that night ended any shot at an NFL career for him. Let us hope he has a long, rewarding career, marked by that time he won a Super Bowl with 52-year old Tom Brady.
(9) Ole Miss Baseball Back?
The Rebels swept No. 6 Texas A&M(!!!), moving their record to 30-15 overall (13-8 in the SEC) and re-opening discussions about hosting a regional in Oxford. As a bandwagon Ole Miss baseball fan, I will very much be here for an Oxford regional dominating my life for a long weekend.
(10) The Tennessee Crying Jordan I Made a Few Years Ago
Just pretend the Ole Miss softball score is on the screenshot.
So what did we miss out on this week? Who should be in the very official and serious power rankings? Comment or tweet @redcuprebellion with your thoughts.