We debut our new Ole Miss Power Rankings

In my very best Jim Nantz Masters’ voice, welcome to the first edition of the Ole Miss Power Rankings, friends. Though we are not in Butler Cabin wearing blazers, mostly because the rent is outrageous, we do have a cozy spot at a fold-out table buried in Mezzanine A of the J.D. Williams Library on Ole Miss’ campus. The bathrooms are tremendous down here.

Each and every week*, we will spend time in this space attempting to rank those Ole Miss folks who spent the previous week or weeks out there taking care of business (TCB-ing it, if you will), whether it’s athletic teams, individual players, people who do not athlete, or whatever helps get these rankings to 10 spots. The only qualifications for making this exclusive list are that there are no qualifications, and you best believe I will apply zero consistency.

*I have chosen poorly.

I look forward to weeks upon weeks of total agreement with these rankings. In fact, feel free to offer your own rankings or edits in the comments. You may also email them to definitelygonnareadthem@redcuprebellion.com.

With that business out of the way, let’s get to the inaugural rankings.

(1) Ole Miss Softball

Sitting at 30-11 overall and ranked 15th in the country, the team has won four of five SEC series and sits at fourth in the conference with a 9-5 record. Of note, the one SEC series they didn’t win was a two-game split with South Carolina, giving them a 4-0-1 conference series record on the year.

I, for one, applaud the decision to let the bag man cook and become a softball school. However, I am in no way mentally prepared for the crippling anxiety potential postseason play will bring.

(2) Kylan Becker

The senior from Miami - brief pause to throw up The U - is third in the SEC in batting average with a marginally okay .439 and an on-base percentage of .503. She’s also second in the conference in hits and third in stolen bases.

Congratulations to Ole Miss softball coach Mike Smith for ignoring Mike Bianco’s suggestion that she hit sixth.

(3) Kermit Davis

Fresh off an unexpected NCAA Tournament appearance and an unexpected destruction in said appearance, the Tea Lizard is attempting to make Ole Miss fans become irrational about basketball recruiting. “DIDN’T LAND A FIVE-STAR RECRUIT, NOT SURE HE’S GOT WHAT IT TAKES.”

Also, thanks to his recent contract extension, he’s on the hook to make nearly as much as Matt Luke in the next few years, assuming Luke is still arou- LOL JK LUKE WILL GET LIKE SEVEN YEARS TO TURN THIS AROUND.

(4) Kermit Davis Crootin’

Just a four-star transfer. No big deal. Happens all the time.

Recruiting pitch: He will spike his jacket off the scorer’s table if he thinks you got hosed on a call.

THERE GOES MY HERO
WATCH HIM AS HE GOES
THERE GOES MY HERO
HE’S ORDINARY

(5) DeMarquis Gates

If you think this is a fanboy promotion for someone who put up with a lot of crap at Ole Miss and deserved better, you would be correct. Gates, who spent his last two years at Ole Miss as a good player on bad defensive teams, is getting another shot at the NFL after leading the Steve Spurrier-conquered AAF in tackles.

Who knows if he has the speed and quickness to land on a 53-man roster or a practice squad, but he should rest easy knowing Hugh Freeze is not in charge of recruiting the players around him.

(6) People screaming for Thomas Dillard to bat third

Look, I don’t obsessively follow Ole Miss baseball because I have so few precious emotional resources left, but I have noticed the Twitter screaming. A quick glance at the stats tells me that Mike Bianco is voluntarily giving fewer plate appearances to the player on his team who is second in batting average, first in on-base percentage, first in slugging percentage (by a wide margin), first in walks, and tied for the home run lead because HE LOOKS LIKE A CLEANUP HITTER, BOB?

This is dumb. Please fix.

(7) Rich Rodriguez

(7) Mike MacIntyre

Only because people believe, and they could be right, that this restoration project duo may be enough for Matt Luke to avoid a Houston Nutt 2-10 special in 2019.

(9) Ole Miss Basketball

For the first time I can recall, the basketball program has three names floating in NBA Draft jabber. Outgoing senior Terence Davis, junior Breein Tyree, and sophomore Devontae Shuler are all eligible to be drafted.

While they probably won’t be, the fact that there is even conversation about it is very disorienting. Tyree and Shuler will likely get their NBA evaluations and return to school, and Davis will head somewhere overseas and average a million points a game. BUT MABYE NOT.

(10) Ole Miss Football

Speaking of drafts, the NFL Draft is nearly upon us, and Ole Miss could have three players taken in the first round. Surely nothing bad happens when you have three players taken in the first round of the NFL Draft!

So who, what, where did I miss out on gracing the Cup’s first top ten? Comment or tweet @redcuprebellion with your very informed takes.