The Ole Miss/Memphis game will now feature 300 percent more party

In an attempt to make things more festive for Memphis football fans and give them yet another place to talk about how Tiger basketball is definitely back, the powers that be have allegedly arranged for the addition of three Liberty Bowl party decks, which will feature food, alcohol, and sweeping views of the 55 percent capacity crowd. While the details have not been revealed, you can assume they won’t be giving these tickets away at Kroger.

What this means for you, dear reader, is that instead of spending four hours on a metal bleacher watching an Ole Miss/Memphis game in debilitating heat, you can spend four hours moving and shaking in PARTYTOWN USA while watching an Ole Miss/Memphis game in debilitating heat. I can think of no better way to take in Ole Miss’ inevitable 44-27 loss to Memphis to open the 2019 season.

I do have concerns about logistics here. The article says the party decks will be located in the north end zone, which could affect the tarps Memphis usually uses to cover wide swaths of empty seats.

What ramifications will this have on the Memphis tarp industry? Can it withstand this potential loss of business? Is there time for the industry to pivot to something else? WILL PEOPLE BE ABLE TO REMEMBER THAT THE MEMPHIS ATHLETICS WEBSITE IS GOTIGERSGO DOT COM?

More importantly, what will be the official names of these party decks? If they’re named something like Local Alcohol Company Partaaaay Deckz and not after the various members of Three 6 Mafia*, then I, for one, will send an indignant letter to someone who won’t read it. And by letter, I mean tweet, assuming I remember that I said this.

*This is a free idea, Memphis. WRITE IT DOWN.

Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is that you have another option on August 31, 2019. The smartest option is obviously to not go, but I understand why you would because the dummy writing these words voluntarily attended David Cutcliffe’s 3-0 win over Memphis in the Liberty Bowl in 1999. I’m not saying he should’ve been fired immediately after that, but he should’ve been fired and sent to prison immediately after that.

A second option is to go sweat it out with the rest of the poors in a seat that will likely have the same value as 30 percent of a Memphis football season ticket package. Of course, you could also always cough up those VIP dollars for, or worm your way in to, Project Pat’s Casa de Sizzurp* for unlimited margs and other elixirs that will temporarily dull the pain of what promises to be a season to forget.

*ANOTHER FREE IDEA, MEMPHIS

Whatever you decide to do on that day, friends, you will still be watching an Ole Miss/Memphis game and hate every second of it.