Ole Miss Power Rankings: Two To Go Edition

Whether it’s a lack of money to make a change or the love of taking care of good Rebels because outsiders are scary, all signs point to 2020 being the Year Four of Matt Luke’s First Year Experience. So if you’re out there dreaming of a fresh start next year, I suggest you get ready for #MississippiMade, Don’t Have To Be Blood To Be Family, or whatever Year Four’s theme will be - perhaps Ain’t No Blood Like Mississippi Blood, Fam.

The thought of doing this for at least 14 more games is not an enjoyable one, friends. I am already exhausted just thinking about it.

(1) Party Deck Catering Tents (RIP)

May you rise again to protect students, particularly the seniors next year who will have all four of their football seasons marked by Matt Luke, from the blistering sunshine of August and September (and probably October).

(2) Talmbout QB Depth Chart

Speaking of all signs pointing to depressing things, your likely 2020 Ole Miss quarterback depth chart! After Matt Corral transfers to some place that is not going to have its third consecutive losing season in 2020, here’s what that depth chart will look like:

1. QB who can’t throw and is not a viable option unless we’re going to run the triple option or a pre-WWII offense
2. A redshirt freshman who has taken zero meaningful snaps
3. Someone who is in high school right now

Oh, and let’s throw in this bit of goodness: John Rhys Plumlee will spend the spring playing baseball, which means there will be one scholarship quarterback going through spring practice. Yes, that’s right, the starting quarterback who needs to improve his passing abilities against live competition will instead spend his spring pinch-hit bunting and pinch running for Mike Bianco.

Excellent work by the coaching staff.

(3) Ole Miss Men’s Basketball

The bag man is cookin’, and Kermit Davis is out here winning a home opener in which his team only gave up 43 points in 40 minutes and held the opponent to 32 percent from the floor. The team followed that up on Tuesday night by once again holding an opponent to 32 percent from the floor to improve to 2-0 on the season.

Obviously, not all games will go so smoothly (OR WILL THEY), but it will be a pleasure to watch a well-coached, organized team over the next four-ish months.

(4) Snoop Conner

Our bowling ball of power son is creeping up on 500 yards rushing for the season and averaging seven (7) yards per carry. I, for one, enjoy him getting to the second level and forcing people who would rather not try to tackle him to tackle him.

(5) Ole Miss Rushing Attack

Though not a sustainable form of offense against teams with talent, we can have fun with numbers. Though Plumlee is the only player with a shot at 1,000 rushing yards (he’s at 777), Ole Miss could finish the year with four players who have over 500 yards rushing.

Jerrion Ealy is at 499, and the aforementioned Conner is at 436. Because I occasionally value my time, I will not look up when the last time this happened, but I’m gonna guess it occurred when the forward pass was a part of the got dang liberal agenda.

(6) Elijah Moore

Speaking of numbers, let’s crunch another set. Moore has 55 receptions for 672 yards and four touchdowns. If you add the total receptions, yards, and touchdowns of the next five receiving yard leaders, you get 55 receptions for 686 yards* and two touchdowns.

If you’re scoring at home, one Elijah Moore equals one batch of Jonathan Mingo, Dontario Drummond, Octavious Cooley, Jerrion Ealy, and Demarcus Gregory blended and stirred well.

*Most shocking in all of this is that Ole Miss has over 1200 passing yards on the year!

(7) Inflated Attendance Numbers

Lol, come on, fam. At least try to make the lie believable.

(8) Game Length

Under three hours! While Rich Rod may be adding new haters every week, the man ensures that you don’t have to spend a sixth or more of your Saturday watching a 4-8 team. A SALUTE TO TIME MANAGEMENT.

(9) Still A Coward

In review, after happily accepting $87,000 for getting himself named to a job he totally seriously for real who me I wouldn’t think of it never wanted, our corrupt, order-taking, empty suit of a chancellor is afraid to be announced in public to the university community (or his handlers won’t allow it), and now he’s retreated on the line to the hellscape of Facebook (Twitter is more of a cesspool that contains a chemical fire that never stops burning and destroying the health of everyone nearby).

Living on Facebook dot com, he can rest comfortably among pictures of so-and-so’s kid’s birthday party, insane conspiracy theory political ads, and Ole Miss fans who inexplicably don’t understand that people are furious because the hiring process was a sham, orchestrated by a few to benefit a few.

(10) Matt Luke Meme