Week 4 Ole Miss Confidence Report: Why are all of these dashboard lights on?

We continue with our weekly series that assesses my confidence, using a scale of one to five Cowboy Hat-Wearing Matt Lukes, in Ole Miss’ ability to win the remaining games on its schedule. For a refresher on how this works or if you want to remember a time before cold reality washed over us, click here.

Believe it or not, there were two positives to take away from Alabama’s shredding of Ole Miss last Saturday night. The first being the stadium ribbon boards that display statistics quit working after Jordan Ta’amu’s 75-yard touchdown pass to D.K. Metcalf, meaning we had no idea Alabama was on its way to putting up 433 yards of total offense in the first half.

The second and last positive was that because Ole Miss received such a swift, clean death, leaving before halftime* gave you two hours of your life back! I, for one, used that bit of lagniappe to stuff my face with Chevron and drive to Memphis.

*I left my seat with about three minutes to go until halftime, with Ole Miss trailing 42-7, and before I could get out of the stadium, it was 49-7.

In two weeks, when Ole Miss travels to Baton Rouge, we’ll learn if what happened on Saturday is a product of Alabama being a killing machine or Alabama being a killing machine and Ole Miss is staring down the barrel of an Ed Orgeron and Houston Nutt 0-8 SEC season special. Prayers sent that it’s Option A.

Kent State

Let’s pinpoint where things went from “hey, we’re hanging in there” to “SO MUCH BLOOD”. Trailing 14-7, Ole Miss was in the midst of putting together a nice drive that was desperately needed in order to hold serve.

A pair of nice runs by Scottie Phillips, combined with two completions to A.J. Brown, got Ole Miss to Alabama’s 47-yard line (shout-out to the Alabama linebacker who faked an injury to kill the momentum, then came back in the next play). On second down, Ta’amu, after getting nine yards on a quarterback draw, fumbled and Alabama recovered.

It took GO, TUA, GO GO GO, which is what the Tide fan sitting behind me called their offense, two minutes and 26 seconds to make it 21-7. On the next Ole Miss snap, Ta’amu threw an interception. Not great, BUT WE CAN SURVIVE THI- lol no. Exactly 50 seconds later, it was 28-7 and simulate to end of game pls.

CONFIDENCE LEVEL:

LSU

Ed Orgeron personally delivering an 0-8 SEC season to Ole Miss in 2007 and contributing to an 0-8 SEC season for Ole Miss this year would be peak #WAOM. Related, L O L O L O L at the athletic department folks who keep trying to push that hashtag as a positive thing.

Give it up, fam, and come up with something better that isn’t perceived as pain and suffering in the minds of all Ole Miss fans. You can’t unring that bell.

CONFIDENCE LEVEL:

Louisiana-Monroe

Another fun thing to do against Alabama is to not be able to pass protect with five or six blockers in the face of four rushers. It’s almost like seven guys in coverage who are guarding four or five wide receivers negate any one-on-one advantages!

CONFIDENCE LEVEL:

Arkansas

Upon reflection, the true unraveling in the Alabama game occurred when Ole Miss scored on the first play of the game. Everyone knows you can’t open with explosive plays. GOTTA PUT TOGETHER FIVE-MINUTE DRIVES AGAINST THE BEST DEFENSE IN COLLEGE FOOTBALL.

Oh, and since we’re allegedly talking about Arkansas, if not for the Mean Green of North Texas, this would be a two.

CONFIDENCE LEVEL:

Auburn

While Ole Miss is now fully LOCKED IN to devoting resources to clawing a way to 6-6, it is of note that the Rebels do not owe $49 million to someone who is 0-2 against Ed Orgeron.

CONFIDENCE LEVEL:

South Carolina

I have no reason to have even a smidgen of confidence in Ole Miss, but I will die on the hill of Coach Boom is garbage and the Gamecocks can’t get 400 yards of offense against the Rebel defense. You know who else is also on this hill? People who know sweet tea for what it is: rancid diabetes water. RIDE UNTIL WE DIE.

CONFIDENCE LEVEL:

Texas A&M

Granted, I have watched only one half of 2018 Texas A&M football (against Clemson), but they seemed like they had their house in order. However, here’s how destructive Alabama has been: the Aggies had a chance to beat what is allegedly a top five team, and they will roll into Tuscaloosa this weekend as 27-point (give or take) underdogs.

My point being, when the Ole Miss/Texas A&M line comes out on that Sunday in November, treat yourself right and make some money with the Aggies.

CONFIDENCE LEVEL:

Vanderbilt

The Commodores went to South Bend last weekend and put 420 total yards on Notre Dame. However, because they are also haters of success, Vanderbilt turned it over three times. Though I watched none of the game, surely three turnovers in a five-point game didn’t hurt them at all.

The point I’m trying to make here is that you should begin stocking up on Serenity Now so that you are mentally prepared for Vanderbilt running up 550+ yards of offense, with three turnovers, in a one-point win over Ole Miss.

CONFIDENCE LEVEL:

Mississippi State

If Nick Fitzgerald accumulates 350 yards of total offense and scores 6 touchdowns against Louisiana-Lafayette and the Ole Miss game is on at the same time, do any Mississippi State fans see his performance?

CONFIDENCE LEVEL: