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An alcohol pairing for every one of Ole Miss’ 2018 opponents

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Because you’re gonna need a drink.

Sugar East Grand Opening Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images for Sugar East

Drinking. Ole Miss.

It’s like peanut butter and jelly. Mashed taters and gravy. Hot dog sandwiches and mustard.

You know what I’m saying here: a lot of us are looking forward to the pre-game tailgate cocktails as much as the game itself. It’s in our DNA.

So as we looked over the schedule, we knew every team reminded us of a libation—some good, some terrible and some that could kill you. Here are our drink pairings for every one of Ole Miss 2018 opponents.

Cheers!

Texas Tech: Red Bull and Vodka

It’s heyday is in the rear view mirror and too much of it will kill you

Southern Illinois: a shot of Grandad Whiskey dropped into a PBR

You don’t want it, you don’t crave it, but sometimes you just need it.

Alabama: Bushwhacker with a topper

It’s gonna f*** you up and you’ll feel it the next day. It’s also super douchey.

Kent State: Aristocrat vodka

It’s a cheaper alternative to its Ohio football counterparts. Consuming it on a Tuesday is bound to end up terrifically terrible #maction.

LSU: the flaming Homer/Moe

Yeah, the secret ingredient is cough syrup. Hell nah it ain’t legal.

ULM: Dick in a Knot

Haven’t heard of it? Well it’s a shot of cheap tequila with a couple shakes of Tabasco. Squawk ‘em Hawk ‘em, Rebels. This game is bound to catch you off guard and cleaning out the pantry to find anything to drink.

Arkansas: Jack and Coke at a Buy-One-Get-One happy hour

You think this is going to end well. It will not. You might end up scarred.

Auburn: Vodka Tonic

It’s highly effective yet popular for no good reason. It’ll always be there in the end.

South Carolina: White Russian

It’s been a long time since you had one, and when you see it, you remember why and have flashbacks of shitty music and hand gestures. Remember when you thought this was interesting 10 years ago?

Texas A&M: The Jumbo Jimbo

This is a double shot of Tito’s vodka and oil served out of a boot made with crushed Faberge eggs, happily slogged down by that fake ass cowboy Jimbo.

Vanderbilt: Jefferson’s Ocean and Pepsi

Oh no, oh God what have you done? A sea faring, overpriced Southern staple with a hard mix of unadulterated Northern influence. Maybe like a line of X or yayo on the side too?

Mississippi State: Cheap red wine, straight from the bottle while standing outside behind the carport because you can’t stand to listen to your brother-in-law anymore

This game is on Thanksgiving, and as a result will ruin it. After a few minutes, you’ll just want it over with.

Throw some shade at the other SEC schools in the menchies. Tweet @RedCupRebellion with your best schedule cocktail rec’s.