Drinking. Ole Miss.
It’s like peanut butter and jelly. Mashed taters and gravy. Hot dog sandwiches and mustard.
You know what I’m saying here: a lot of us are looking forward to the pre-game tailgate cocktails as much as the game itself. It’s in our DNA.
So as we looked over the schedule, we knew every team reminded us of a libation—some good, some terrible and some that could kill you. Here are our drink pairings for every one of Ole Miss 2018 opponents.
Texas Tech: Red Bull and Vodka
It’s heyday is in the rear view mirror and too much of it will kill you
Southern Illinois: a shot of Grandad Whiskey dropped into a PBR
You don’t want it, you don’t crave it, but sometimes you just need it.
Alabama: Bushwhacker with a topper
It’s gonna f*** you up and you’ll feel it the next day. It’s also super douchey.
Kent State: Aristocrat vodka
It’s a cheaper alternative to its Ohio football counterparts. Consuming it on a Tuesday is bound to end up terrifically terrible #maction.
LSU: the flaming Homer/Moe
Yeah, the secret ingredient is cough syrup. Hell nah it ain’t legal.
ULM: Dick in a Knot
Haven’t heard of it? Well it’s a shot of cheap tequila with a couple shakes of Tabasco. Squawk ‘em Hawk ‘em, Rebels. This game is bound to catch you off guard and cleaning out the pantry to find anything to drink.
Arkansas: Jack and Coke at a Buy-One-Get-One happy hour
You think this is going to end well. It will not. You might end up scarred.
Auburn: Vodka Tonic
It’s highly effective yet popular for no good reason. It’ll always be there in the end.
South Carolina: White Russian
It’s been a long time since you had one, and when you see it, you remember why and have flashbacks of shitty music and hand gestures. Remember when you thought this was interesting 10 years ago?
Texas A&M: The Jumbo Jimbo
This is a double shot of Tito’s vodka and oil served out of a boot made with crushed Faberge eggs, happily slogged down by that fake ass cowboy Jimbo.
Vanderbilt: Jefferson’s Ocean and Pepsi
Oh no, oh God what have you done? A sea faring, overpriced Southern staple with a hard mix of unadulterated Northern influence. Maybe like a line of X or yayo on the side too?
Mississippi State: Cheap red wine, straight from the bottle while standing outside behind the carport because you can’t stand to listen to your brother-in-law anymore
This game is on Thanksgiving, and as a result will ruin it. After a few minutes, you’ll just want it over with.
Throw some shade at the other SEC schools in the menchies. Tweet @RedCupRebellion with your best schedule cocktail rec’s.