Chancellor Vitter should hire a real football furry mascot

Football season is getting close so it’s time to fill that last position on the roster. Chancellor Vitter has announced he’s bringing a Landshark mascot to the field. The Landshark will be making its debut at Meet The Rebels Day this Saturday, and thats great, but before we let this new mascot actually enter the Vaught we need to make sure it’s the right person in the costume. We don’t need someone posing as a Landshark when we can have someone who identifies as a Landshark. Someone who lives, eats, & breathes Ole Miss Landshark. We need a Football Furry.

Some of you may be asking what the hell is a furry? Well its someone that dresses up in a mascot suit, but on their own time, for like... personal reasons. Its an internet thing. A furry doesn’t just wear the costume, they embrace a whole persona... fursona, if you will... Furries are obsessed with cartoon animals. If you’re still confused I encourage you to to wait until you are at work and then do a google image search for “furry” on your work computer. Or maybe this graphic will help:

So now that you (maybe?) know what a furry is, why should you want one to be our Landshark? Why would Ole Miss need a furry for football? Well, let me try to break it down in four contentions:

1.) The football field is the perfect place for a furry. If football wasn’t meant for furries why are half of all mascots cartoon dogs or tigers?

2.) Ole Miss already has a dining squirrel furry

Beyond the squirrel, Ole Miss actually has a large furry club & community. There are plenty of candidates who would be amateurs there for the right reasons not the paycheck, unlike professional part time mascots.

3.) Real football furries (instead of culture-appropriating professional mascots) could be the key to winning the war on football. Issues like football clearly causing CTE have made football politically incorrect in some circles and less appealing to younger generations. However, getting rid of football could no longer be seen as progressive if it meant taking away the only job where someone could be their fursona in the workplace. Boomer parents who love football could bond watching the games with their millennial offspring who tune in to cheer on the furry mascot.

4.) This could finally be the big PR win Ole Miss so desperately needs. It’s no secret that outside of our state, Ole Miss is mostly associated with NCAA scandals and a racist legacy. The seemingly unprompted comments on confederate statues and peaceful protest by (respectively) Chancellor Vitter and head basketball coach, Kermit Davis, have been met with some really mean name calling on social media. People have meanly called them “old” and “white” and “racist”.

Here’s a way to show OM is actually out ahead of the pack and defining what is progressive! Now before you get scared that this could turn away some of the most conservative of the fan base, look at this alleged non-confirmed text exchange between a far right Mississippi politician who maybe put his number on Facebook and encouraged people to text him, where he admits he likes Ole Miss Furry Art:

We need a mascot who lives Ole Miss Landshark off the clock. We need a real Football Furry! Not some part-time, stolen valor fake furry ass part time paid mascot. I encourage all of you to do your part! Tweet @UMchancellor or contact the school and help fight for change!