The most recent clever production from the Ole Miss video department is a This-is-Sportscenter-esque look at our offensive line protecting quarterback Jordan Ta’amu from damn near everything this off-season in preparation for the Sept. 1 kickoff against the Texas Tech Red Raiders in Houston, Tex.
The offensive line, comprised of tackles Greg Little and Alex Givens, guards Javon Patterson and Jordan Sims, and center Sean Rawlings, keeps Ta’amu safe while driving a golf cart on the Ole Miss campus, getting his lunch at the Manning Center, and getting his ankle taped before Spring practice. Rawlings even tests a lone Brussels sprout for what we can only presume is poison from a disgruntled Mississippi State fan.
Clever, huh? This, however, is not the entirety of the work done this offseason by the Rebel video production team — far from it, in fact. Red Cup Rebellion has* uncovered a litany of ideas left in the editing room for this video. Prepare yourself.
THE LIBRARY SPORTS BAR AND GRILL - NIGHT
Mason-Davis Jackson, a sophomore Sigma Chi from Vicksburg, offers a Jack and Coke to Ta’amu: “Here ya go, Throwin’ Samoan!”
[Alex Givens knocks the cup away]
Givens: ”MAKE IT A VODKA WATER! WE’RE WATCHING OUR SUGAR INTAKE! CLEAR LIQUOR ONLY!”
[Ta’amu nods approvingly]
THE GROVE - DAY
A booster approaches Ta’amu, hand extended: “Hey there son, heck of a ball game!”
[Greg Little karate chops booster to head, clasps his wrist to reveal two $100 bills tucked in his fingers meant for Ta’amu]
Little: ”READ THE VERY IMPORTANT NCAA PROTOCOL ABOUT ELIGIBLE ATHLETES RECEIVING MONETARY GIFTS SIR! PROTECT MY QUARTERBACK! DO NOT SLANDER THESE YOUNG MEN OR THEIR FAMILIES!”
[Ta’amu deftly throws $100 bill towards a nearby orphan who is thankful for this charitable act]
FEDEX STUDENT-ATHLETE ACADEMIC SUPPORT CENTER - DAY
Ta’amu works diligently at a computer when the camera pans over shoulder to find he is on Twitter. He is logged in (“online”) and considering retweeting former Ole Miss head football coach and current part-time 30A motivational speaker Hugh Freeze.
Screen goes black, and Ta’amu looks up to see Javon Patterson holding a chewed through power cord.
Patterson: ”NO MORE SOCIAL MEDIA JORDAN! EXCEPT MAYBE A PRIVATE INSTAGRAM FOR YOU AND, LIKE, US, AND STUFF. JUST AS FRIENDS, YOU KNOW, NOTHING CRAZY.”
[Patterson grunts, throws computer through a window]
[Ta’amu visibly hates what just happened]
LB’S MEAT MARKET - DAY
After a long day of class, practice, and weights, Ta’amu enters the establishment, closely followed by his five offensive linemen.
Ta’amu: What’s up, Greg, can I get a brat fresh off the grill?
Greg: Yo, fam, you bet. Grab the table out front.
[Greg prepares a freshly grilled brat on a toasted bun, dressed with spicy mustard and sauerkraut]
Ta’amu: Thanks, bro, this looks amazing, per usual.
Greg: You bet, you fellas enjoy.
[LB’s patron is leaving the store and notices Ta’amu sitting outside with the offensive linemen]
Patron: AYYYYE, Jordan, I notice you don’t have any ketchup on your sandwich, want me to grab you some from inside?
[entire offensive line tackles patron]
Offensive line: “SPICY MUSTARD AND SAUERKRAUT ONLY YOU DAGGUM BUM!!!!”
[all scream maniacally in unison, pummeling the patron]