Red Cup Film Festival 2018: Swamp Things

Cinema at it’s finest.

By Table Cobbleson@TableCobbleson May 16, 2018, 11:13am EDT

Turns out the swamps of... the place I’m at... aren’t all that happening. As a result, me and Swamp Ape (turns out he hasn’t gone by “Skunk” since the ‘90s) have spent a lot of time laying low, watching movies. I picked out a few of his favorites that were pretty RCR-themed in case any of y’all needed some weekend recs.

The Petrified Forest (1936)

A classic film noir about a nerd, a hobo, a waitress, and a bank-robber facing off over delicious gas station cuisine. Starring Oscar winners, Bette Davis and Humphrey Bogart. I think that says it all.

The Rundown (2003)

If you care about the damn Eggbowl to the point you waste time worrying about your rivals then here is a very shitty action movie about possibly your next US President aka The Rock beating the shit out of a star Mississippi State quarterback and then having some kind of wacky adventure with Sean William Scott, Rosario Dawson, and Christopher Walken.

Goon (2011)

This is a sports blog (I think?) so here is a sports movie. Its about a bar bouncer that ends up becoming a minor league hockey enforcer and its free on Netflix. Liev Schrieber was snubbed for an academy award, playing the kind of villain I always end up pulling for. If you like the movie and want another hockey film try Youngblood. I haven’t seen all of it yet, but its a cheesy ass 80’s movie about Patrick Swayze and Keanu Reeves teaching Rob Lowe how to fight while he tries to date his coach’s daughter. Definitely sounds more good bad than bad bad.

Raw (2016)

Whiskey and meat... Well, meat at least. A young vegan girl undergoes a hazing ritual that awakens increasingly taboo cravings. A chill summer movie to watch with your GF or BF’s parents. Free on Netflix!

Johnny Mnemonic (1995)

What the fuck is going on? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? You know, all Johnny’s life, he’s been careful to stay in his own corner. Looking out for Number One... no complications. Now, suddenly, he’s responsible for the entire fucking world, and everybody and his mother is trying to kill him, IF... IF... his head doesn’t blow up first. Listen. You listen. You see that city over there? THAT’S where he’s supposed to be. Not down here with the dogs, and the garbage, and the fucking last month’s newspapers blowing *back* and *forth*. He’s had it with them, he’s had it with you, he’s had it with ALL THIS - HE WANTS ROOM SERVICE! HE wants the club sandwich! He wants the cold Mexican beer! He wants a $10,000-a-night hooker! Johnny just wants his shirts laundered... like they do... at the Imperial Hotel... in Tokyo.

We’ve all been there. This Keanu Reeves masterpiece about a data courier with the internet downloaded into his brain being hunted by the laser yakuza and a street preacher with a bowie knife is so relatable that I decided to just include it without all the sad lazy Freeze/Cannizaro hooker jokes.

Yor, The Hunter from the Future (1983)

Reb Brown, aka the ORIGINAL Captain America, is the greatest actor of all time.

Yor is Reb’s greatest movie. I don’t want to spoil even a second of this incredible film, just know that I’ve seen it 5 times. Watch it. Also, rumor is that Reb lives in Oxford. Here’s a picture of him at the Oxford Home Depot: