Red Cup Rebellion transactions: May 1, 2018

The Red Cup Rebellion Bloggeurs re-acquired former manager Jeff Gray from the In Real Life Sanities on Tuesday in return for two third-round picks and a hilariously oversized Red Solo Cup full of Woodford Reserve. The move signals an ambitious return to the club’s historic leadership that once ferried the Bloggeurs to four-straight national titles in Rebel sports blogging.

Gray handed managing duties over to rangy lefty Jim Lohmar in the summer of 2017, at the time saying “This other stuff is way more important, but I’ll be back in a big way.” Lohmar is reported to have replied, “You better.” Not two weeks later, former Ole Miss head football coach Hugh Freeze resigned his post in dramatic fashion, and the Lohmar era of the RCR Bloggeurs was born.

That era saw at times strident coverage, on-field meltdowns, and the elevation of tried mainstay Zach Berry to blog deputy. The Lohmar era at RCR was in no way boring, but it’s debatable whether it was a success. Nothing short of a miracle is needed to see the Bloggeurs back in this year’s Rebel sports blogging playoffs; that’s why Gray is returning, and at just the right time.

Lohmar’s tenure as RCR skipper does include some notable highlights. He successfully convinced Ole Miss athletic director Ross Bjork to invite the site’s large adult baseball boy, Bryce Harper — whom Lohmar and The Ghost of Jay Cutler lovingly adopted in fall 2017 — to shout a “HOTTY TODDY” at an Ole Miss home football crowd. Lohmar also successfully lobbied the site’s other large adult baseball boy, Thomas Dillard, to grow a mustache in the fashion of Rebel hitting legend Sikes Orvis, and in so doing has caused our hirsute hero to smash three manly home runs (and counting) to date.

The good news is that Lohmar’s zest and spark aren’t going anywhere. To be sure, he and Gray will co-manage the RCR shop, with Berry continuing in a deputy position. The Bloggeurs, for their part, are thrilled. “Jeff ... hello,” said The Ghost of Jay Cutler, before shotgunning a PBR tall boy. OneManToBeat offered, “Jeff, I think it’s great you don’t spell your name Geoff.”

Berry added, “Hey Jeff, welcome back. You are a swell dude who wears cool scarves in the winter time, drinks bourbon really good, and I’m glad you picked Ole Miss instead of Arkansas.”

So, if you’re wondering about the makeup and hierarchy of RCR’s editorial board, we currently sit at: Jeff, Jim, Zach, and in last place Smeargle. Sorry Smeargle, but we’re not really that sorry.

Gray’s departure from the IRL Sanities comes as a stark blow to real American life, which now has to contend with a storied competitor in the opposing dugout. The Bloggeurs have certainly won this trade, which has left the Sanities more or less rudderless in its wake. We’ll see how they try to plug that managerial hole.

TL;DR

JEFF BACK. Say some nice things about Jeff in the comments. Say the worst things about Lohmar. We’ll delete all those that don’t.