Ole Miss golf 2018: The GAME OF THORNBERRIES’ empire seeks territory in North Carolina

Red Cup Rebellion is a golf blog now … at least it will be for the duration this spring as writer-crawlt-out-of-whatever-rock-he-was-under Bunkie Perkins loops for the Ole Miss Golf Team during their Spring 2018 season. This feature will preview the tournament, the courses, the Ole Miss golfers, and the field each week, but more in-damn-portantly, this feature will chronicle the exploits of Ole Miss’ REGINING, DEFENDING, NCDOUBLEA INDIVIDUAL LARGE ADULT GOLFING CHAMPION AND BY GAWD NUMBER ONE COLLEGE GOLFER IN THE SEVEN KINGDOMS ... BRADEN THORNBERRY, FROM CLUBHOUSE OXFORD, FIRST OF HIS NAME, KING OF THE 19th HOLE AND THE FIRST TEE, MAKER OF BIRDIES, THE BREAKER OF PARS, THE RULER AND PROTECTOR OF AN EXPEDITED PACE OF PLAY … LONG MAY HE DRIVE.

(This is coming one day into the tournament, solely because Jim’s parents waylaid him in Charleston this weekend and he frankly didn’t realize that yesterday was Monday until he woke up yesterday, which was Monday. Shame Jim, mercilessly. Bunkie, on the other hand, is entirely without blame.)

The last time we saw our heroes:

I hope you like ALL CAPS, because after their performance at the Hootie at Bulls Bay, the ENTIRE GOSH DANG OLE MISS GOLF TEAM is getting the THORNBERRY treatment this week. THE WHOLE FREAKING SQUAD laid siege upon the shores of Charleston, the likes of which have not seen since Revolutionary times. We’re getting reports that soldiers in Charleston have since laid siege to the shores of Charleston. We’ll update this story as more information becomes available.

Entering the final day of competition six strokes off the lead, the BAND OF BIRDIES decided to drop a cumulative 19-under round on their competition and win the whole dang shootin’ match, topping runner up Kent State by one stroke. The score was the lowest ever round in the history of Ole Miss golf. IN THE HISTORY OF THE PROGRAM.

The tournament’s final result was very much in the balance as the last few golfers were finishing up. One of those golfers was OUR LORD AND PAR SAVER, BRADEN THORNBERRY. THORNBERRY was not only trying to close out the win for the team, but he was also trying to secure the individual tournament title for himself. As THRONBERRY, GOD OF UNDER (Par) is wont to do, he just went out and birdied four of the final seven holes to shoot a back nine 31, wrapping up both the team and individual Hootie titles for THE GO LOWFISH.

Just look at my man stroll up to the clinching putt on the 18th green and waste no time burying it like he’s playing for dollar birdies on a Sunday afternoon gentlemen’s game.

The nonchalant savagery!

THORNBERRY was absolutely not alone in grabbing Bulls Bay by the proverbial horns and then making ribeyes and flank steaks out of it. The whole team, from players one to five, had a hand in getting the team to the winning total. JOSH THE SEIPLE’S CHAMPION fired a final round 4-under, a round that included an eagle hole out on the front and a clean scorecard on the back. The performance gained the redshirt-junior a T8 finish.

PARTY SEIPLE wasn’t the only Rebel to finish in the Top 10 as THE BABY-FACED FRESHMAN ASSASSIN CECIL WEGENER bookended under par rounds, including a final round 5-under (67), to finish in a tie for 10th.

KERRY SWEET SWINGING SWEENY added to the low total by dropping a four under (68) on the field in the final round as well. This finish got him a Top 30 individual placement for the week. To cap off the scoring, junior BEAU BRIGGS OR GO HOME fired off a one-under 71, rounding off a day of an utter birdie-making laser show for the HOOTIE DOMINATORS.

And to the victors, the much-deserved spoils … and by spoils I mean a guitar, a bronze bull trophy, and a group picture with Darius Rucker. I ONLY WANNA BE WITH YOU.

Golfweek Rankings: Team, No. 31; Individual, HOOTIE’S DADDY BRADEN THORNBERRY: No. 9.

This Week’s Tournament:

BETTER THAN MOST! The Gary Koch Intercollegiate in Gastonia, NC.

The Course:

Gaston Country Club. This thing is kind of in the middle of nowhere on the border of North and South Carolina (Hey, Jim!). Designed by Ellis Maples, it’s billed as a Top 100 course in North Carolina and has hosted several Amateur and pro qualifier events. I don’t have much in the way of additional info on the course, but I can tell you that this week’s dinner specials look promising.

The Ole Miss Team:

ACCO-LADEN THORNBERRY (Jr, Olive Branch, MS): Let’s all do some light stretching because there is a lot to cover this week for our guy.

First off, obviously, he won the individual title at the Hootie at Bulls Bay, shooting a -13 for the week, including a final round 66. His total was the 3rd lowest 54-hole score in Ole Miss Golf history. The win was his 10th individual title as a Rebel, also a record. The win also merited him an SEC Golfer of the Week honor. Oh, yeah … almost forgot … the win propelled him to the position of NUMBER 1 RANKED AMATEUR IN THE ENTIRE FREAKING WORLD. THE WORLD. NUMBER 1. OUR GUY. PRETTY GOOD, JIM.

Kerry Sweeney (Sr., Melbourne, FL): Fired a final round 4 under (68) at Bulls Bay to help secure the team title. Finished T-27.

Cecil Wegener (Fr., Ridgeland, MS): Monster week for the Freshmen. Shot three under in the first round and five under in the final round to finish the week in the Top 10 at Bulls Bay. The performance earned him another SEC Freshmen of the Week honor. PRETTY GOOD.

Beau Briggs (Jr. , Covington, La): Finished super strong at Bulls Bay with a 1 under (71). Stood at T59 for the week at Bulls Bay.

Josh Seiple (RS Jr., Castle Rock, CO): Best week as an Ole Miss golfer at Bulls Bay. Ended the week at 5 under. Shot a final round 4 under (68) to jump into a Top 10 finish.

The Field:

No. 32 Kentucky, Western Carolina, Virginia, Georgia Southern, No. 10 Auburn, No. 17 Florida State, Coastal Carolina, UL-Monroe, Gardner-Webb, Jacksonville St., and Lamar.

Top individuals who are playing for second behind THE BULLS BAY SLAYERS include: No. 20 Steven Fisk – GA Southern; No. 22 John Pak – Florida St.’ No. 37 Brandon Mancheno – Auburn’ No. 39, No. 39 Harry Ellis – Florida St.’ No. 43 Jamie Li – Florida St.

If you want to follow the action as THE OLE MISS GOLFING JUGGERNAUT ROLLS ON:

No Golfstat again this week. Follow the up to date results on the Ole Miss Men’s Golf Twitter.

Next Tournament:

The Old Waverly Intercollegiate. he closest thing to a home game for the team as they head down that lonesome road towards Starkville/West Point. Come for the golf, stay for the inevitable team dinner at an Applebee’s because, well, there aren’t many better options around those parts, so be sure and call ahead for reservations.