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Ole Miss golf 2018: The GAME OF THORNBERRIES is invading SoCal

All spring season long, friend of the Cup Bunkie Perkins will fill you in on Ole Miss golf’s competition, trials, and travails.

Red Cup Rebellion is a golf blog now … at least it will be for the duration of this spring as writer-crawlt-out-of-whatever-rock-he-was-under Bunkie Perkins loops for the Ole Miss golf team during their Spring 2018 season. This feature will preview the tournament, the courses, the Ole Miss golfers, and the field each week, but more in-damn-portantly, this feature will chronicle the exploits of Ole Miss’ REIGNING, DEFENDING, NCDOUBLEA INDIVIDUAL LARGE ADULT GOLFING CHAMPION AND BY GAWD NUMBER ONE COLLEGE GOLFER IN THE SEVEN KINGDOMS ... BRADEN THORNBERRY, FROM CLUBHOUSE OXFORD, FIRST OF HIS NAME, KING OF THE 19th HOLE AND THE FIRST TEE, MAKER OF BIRDIES, THE BREAKER OF PARS, THE RULER AND PROTECTOR OF AN EXPEDITED PACE OF PLAY … LONG MAY HE DRIVE.

The last time we saw our heroes:

You know, sometimes you go to Cabo on Spring Break. You are all atwitter with anticipation. You and your boys hit the ground running. Really going hard in the paint that very first night … shots, beers, more shots, a couple of nice rum drinks, a couple more shots, a couple more beers, a few more shots … and then suddenly you wake up three days later in a pool of your own vomit wearing some girl’s Sénor Frog’s shirt and sporting a new Dancing Bears tattoo, and you don’t even like the Grateful Dead.

That’s pretty much the best summary for what happened to our boys at the Querencia Cabo Collegiate last week. The team came hot out of the gate behind Beau Briggs’ (who just started following me on Twitter, that follow bump is real, people) 1-under (70) round and a team standing of ninth after the first day. The second day was better than the first from a scoring perspective (+6 as a team on day two versus a +7 on day one), but strokes were still lost to the field as the team sank to 10th overall after day two.

Then the tequila took hold and why am I in the back of this car with these Mexican guys I don’t know and why do they keep saying stuff about “Donkey shows?” A screaming +15 on day three put the team at 12th overall and in dire need of a large bottled water, maybe some penicillin, and the first flight home to the States.

That said, it didn’t matter in the grand scheme of tournament things because No. 1 ranked Oklahoma State and No. 13 California ran away from the field by 20 and 12 strokes, respectively, to finish first and second.

GolfWeek Rankings:

Team: No. 43; Individual BRADEN “THE WILD” THORNBERRY: No. 11

This Week’s Tournament:

GO PUTT YOURSELF, SAN DIEGO! The Lamkin Grips San Diego Classic, where your favorite team is the gosh dang defending champion of said event.

The Course:

San Diego Country Club. Designed by Scotsman Willie Watson (literally, GROUNDSKEEPER WILLIE), the course has been around since the 1920s and is the home course to Hall of Fame golfers Billy Casper and Mickey Wright. The PGA used to play the Farmers Insurance Open there until they moved it down the road to some goat track called Torrey Pines. Casper has the course record of 62.

The Ole Miss Team:

RON THORNBURGUNDY (Jr, Olive Branch, MS): Finished T-12 at the Querencia Cabo Collegiate, but let’s be honest, if Braden doesn’t finish in your top 10, does your tournament really even have a top 10? Had the team low round of the week with a 2-under (69). Nice. Still moved up seven spots in the individual NCAA player rankings because the THORNBERRY putt hand is strong and you will respect its power at all times.

Kerry Sweeney (Sr., Melbourne, FL): Continued some strong play with a 4-over score for the week in Cabo. Finished T-29.

Chip Getz (So., Paradise Valley, AZ): Two solid rounds followed by a not-so-solid round to finish the week out in Cabo. Ended the week at +16 and a T-67. Remains a golfer named Chip.

Cecil Wegener (Fr., Ridgeland, MS): Booked some good rounds for the week to finish T-53 with a +10.

Beau Briggs (Jr. , Covington, La): Returned to the team’s five-man squad this week and did not waste the opportunity, firing a -1 (70) the first day and finishing the week T-42 at +8.

Josh Seiple (RS Jr., Castle Rock, CO): Not Seiple’s best after a very good showing at the All-American Intercollegiate in Houston. Finished T-71 at +19.

The Field: Another week, another stacked field. No. 1 Oklahoma State, No. 9 Texas Tech, No. 14 Texas, No. 22 North Carolina, No. 27 UNLV, No. 30 Colorado St., No. 35 Arizona, No. 40 Louisville, No. 46 St. Mary’s, MTSU, New Mexico, Loyola Marymount, UConn, University of San Diego, and San Diego St.

Top individuals who are playing for second behind SEŃOR THORNBERRY include: No. 3 Matthew Wolff — Oklahoma State; No. 5 Dough Ghim — Texas; No. 10 Fredrik Nilehn — Texas Tech; No. 16 Austin Eckroat — Oklahoma State; No. 17 Shintaro Ban — UNLV; No. 18 Zach Bauchou — Oklahoma State; No. 22 Viktor Hovland — Oklahoma State; No. 31 Kristoffer Ventura — Oklahoma State No. 43 Hurly Long — Texas Tech; No. 44 George Cunningham — Arizona.

Rankings via GolfWeek.

SO, basically, Oklahoma State vs. the world. Seriously, what are y’all doing? I know Karsten Creek is nice and all, but it’s gosh dang Stillwater. It’s basically Starkville with oil derricks.

If you want to follow the action as the Channel 4 News Team defends its title: Click on over to Golfstat.

Next Tournament:

The Hootie at Bulls Bay, Charleston, SC (March 25-27 — sup, Jim?!). It’s going to be hard to play three rounds of golf with the entire Hootie and the Blowfish catalogue blasting over the PA the entire time, but this team has faced adversity before and no amount of the sub-par second album, Fairweather Johnson, is going to deter our boys.