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A definitive ranking of college football’s All-American hilarious names

The internet constructed a full roster of the funniest names in college football. We ranked them.

By Jim Lohmar
NCAA Football: Brigham Young at Fresno State
When Squally Canada scores the TD.
Kiel Maddox-USA TODAY Sports

A few months back, Reddit user saucysalesman set up a poll of sorts, asking college football Redditors to choose the absolute funniest current names among the college football ranks, and on Monday the final roster including every position dropped. Here it is, in standard college football media guide format:

Our hero saucysalesman — apparently a BYU fan — includes a few notes on the makeup of this crowd-sourced, nomenclaturally absurdist college football squad:

  • I don’t know why, but Indiana was loaded with great names. There are 3 Indiana players on this roster.
  • Yes there are 12 offensive players and 11 defensive players, I accidentally added too many offensive slots but whatever.
  • The DT results were very close, Hercules Mata’afa only beat Handsome Tanieulu by a single vote!!
  • LB was also crazy close, Bayle Wolf (Army), Ronley Lakalaka (SDSU), and Quart’e Sapp (Tennessee) were all within 10 votes of third place.
  • Dee Liner had the highest percentage of people vote for him, with 82.5% of people voting for him.

College sports name games enjoy something of an internet humor plateau, most notably among college baseball players. But nomenclatural hilarity is not confined to the diamond. No, nomenclatural hilarity extends out into college football as well, and we’re here to rank from top to bottom the full roster of 25 All-American hilarious college football names, as named by RedditCFB. We will broach no argument.

The definitive ranking of RedditCFB’s All-American hilarious college football names.

25. Q’ Drennan
24. Oshane Ximines
23. Quondarius Qualls
22. Gerhard de Beer
21. Ceejhay French-Love
20. Freedom Akinmoladun
19. Shamarious Gilmore
18. Qwuantrezz Knight
17. Coy Cronk
16. Ulysses Gilbert III
15. Rojesterman Farris II
14. Mac Loudermilk
13. Hunter Littlejohn
12. Christian Slaughter
11. Pooh Stricklin
10. Hercules Mata’afa
9. Max Bortenschlager
8. Quaide Weimerskirch
7. Equanimeous St. Brown
6. Zykeisis Cannon
5. Greg Gooch
4. Jet Toner
3. Bearooz Yacoobi
2. Dee Liner (he plays D-line, y’all)
1. Squally Canada