Before last season, SB Nation’s Morgan Moriarty was talking about simplicity within 2017’s newest uniforms. Even Oregon’s football equipment administrator, Kenny Farr, has acknowledged that things have gotten a bit out of hand.
“We’re going to try to stick to more traditional colors this year,” Kenny Farr, UO’s football equipment administrator, said, though Oregon’s new uniforms aren’t out yet. “Trying to kind of simplify a few things but still keep it modern and keep it looking really good.”
But in 2018, we want to bring back creativity and innovation. And The Cup is bringing it to The Grove. To The Lyceum. To The Circle. To The Bell Tower that has yet to be completed. We are bringing swag to the #MississippiMade movement.
Yes, those things. Yes, the thing you got in peewee football when you made a sick tackle or made someone cry by blindsiding them on kickoff. Ohio State is probably the most notorious for their Buckeye helmet stickers. And why not? They’re glorious. Especially these alternates they busted out last year.
Florida State is another pro-helmet sticker program who has been doing it for as long as I can remember. It’s not too creative but it works and it’s been a staple of their uniform for a very long time.
Another one of my personal favorites is Stanford. The Trees have a pretty sharp one, pun intended. Their reward for what I can only assume is academic excellence in the form of developing a new app that helps you find free-range chicken farms in Northern California are axes.
These, too, are sexy.
But, before you start getting on a soapbox about tradition and how the Rebels have never “stooped” to this level of uniform trash, Ole Miss in fact used helmet stickers back in the 1970’s.
But, much like Clemson’s smaller Tiger paw logo that they use on their helmets (c’mon, Dabo), they weren’t very innovative. Just smaller images of the actual helmet decal. That’s just not going to work for us here at The Cup. Again, we want creativity and innovation. Therefore, our most trusted and talented Adobe Photoshop individual, Gray Hardison, has helped us with some mock-up designs for Matt Luke and Co. to check out before spring practice starts.
Who knows, you might see them at The Grove Bowl.
Using the most direct and conservative approach, the shark sticker idea comes straight from the movement the late, great Tony Fein started some years back. The color matches the script and stripe, which is important because, as people of high fashion know, if you have a color floating around that doesn’t tie to the concept of the piece, you should log off.
(Note: Zach referring to me as the Cup’s top Photoshop person would be added to my LinkedIn profile if my cold, dead hands ever sign up for that.)
“This concept is based on taking the shark and simplifying it to leave us with only the dorsal fin - the sign most synonymous with a shark moving in on its prey. If you pay attention to Ole Miss sports, and I know you do, it’s the only sign Ole Miss athletes flash after great plays and wins.”
[a few heads begin to nod]
[more heads nodding]
[clapping breaks out]
[vigorous clapping erupts]
[roars from all over the room]
[no idea how, but confetti falls from the ceiling]
“We LOVE IT. Here’s a bonus check for $1 million just because you’re so brilliant.”
And with that, friends, you now know what every person on the creative side of advertising believes will happen when they pitch ideas to a client.
Left Shark from Katy Perry’s Super Bowl XLIX halftime show
Left Shark represents all of us. We didn’t read the manual and we’re making it up as we go along, hoping it all works out.
It also helps that he’s a good friend of Katy Perry, who, when she attends Ole Miss games, always sees the Rebels beat Alabama.
“You know my name, my name is Willie. Willie Beamen! I keep my ladies...”
You know the rest (it’s ‘dreaming’, as in ‘dreaming of helmet stickers because they’re so dope’).
I don’t know about you, but I consider William Faulkner’s greatest screenplay to be Any Given Sunday. So there’s no better way to recall another team of sharks, led by a quarterback who pukes before every game, which should be relatable to all Ole Miss fans.
D.K. Metcalf peeing in the end zone
We are bound by code to honor the cause of the most widespread rage-pooping event ever recorded in Oktibbeha County. While that moment will live forever, it was overtaken a week later when the NCAA did not sentence Ole Miss to a lifetime in Federal Supermax Prison.
D.K. Metcalf gets his own sticker
While not a sticker idea, I just wanted to see what it would look like when Metcalf is in the process of adding a sticker of himself to his helmet.
For the lovers of tradition and heritage
R.I.P., black bear. Gone, but not forgotten.
Which helmet sticker do you like?
This poll is closed
D.K. Metcalf making a pee
Black Bear (R.I.P.)
WE DON’T WANT NO HELMET STICKERS YOU DAGGUM LIBTARD
In closing, Moriarty does have a point. A lot of the time, simplicity is better and preferred by most. Especially those who die on the “KEEP AWAY FROM MY TERDISHUNZ” hill. But, college football is a game. A game played by teenagers and young adults. It is and should be celebrated as a fun game of sport that we all get to take in every Fall Saturday.
So why not make it even more fun by adding some creativity and innovation?
I rest my case.