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Film Review: Scrappin’ in the Egg Bowl

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We bring the projector out of the attic to break down all 80 seconds of fisticuffs.

NCAA Football: Mississippi State at Mississippi Matt Bush-USA TODAY Sports

The most memorable moment from Egg Bowl 2018 occurred when SEC referees, in their quest to remain not all that focused on details, didn’t notice the game clock reached triple zeros at the end of the third quarter. Instead of stopping the final play of the quarter in its tracks, they assumed it was the same as a play with 14 minutes and 59 seconds to go in a quarter and allowed it to continue.

Thanks to their gross incompetence, which is the one of their strengths, we were treated to a play that never should’ve happened. If you recall said play, Matt Corral delivered a deep pass to A.J. Brown, who proceeded to dunk on three Mississippi State defensive backs, allegedly scoring a touchdown.

As we all remember, after Brown scored, Mississippi State defensive back Johnathan Abram tried to pry the ball out of Brown’s hands, which apparently is the best way to preserve some dignity after getting trashed again (peep Brown’s long touchdown against State in 2017; Abram and some other safety tried to bracket him - LOL). Tempers flared, but for a moment, things appeared as though they would calm down, until Brown and Abram decided to have another discussion.

CUE THE MUSIC.

This is a screenshot taken just before the STREET FIGHTIN’ gets going, so we can identify the major players in the brawl to come.

Why Ole Miss’ punter is remotely close to any of this I do not know, but I LIKE IT.

Anyhow, Abram decides the best move at this point is to punch Brown, who is wearing a helmet.

If Abram ends up being suspended for the first half of State’s next game (LOL, nope), what a loss for the Music City Bowl. However, the punch meant something on Thanksgiving night, as it did not sit well with Matt Corral, who replaced Jordan Ta’amu earlier in the game.

That’s correct, a brawl is about to ensue and the only functional quarterback on Ole Miss’ roster is in the middle of it.

One thing we know about Matt Corral this early in his career is that he does not lack confidence. I’m talking about the kind of confidence where you’re sure you can fight two people at the same time.

Again, this is a quarterback who has to play the rest of the game. Even those involved took time to appreciate it.

Eventually, Corral settled on fighting one person and locked horns with State defensive back Jamal Peters.

LET IT BE SO.

Meanwhile, lost in the locking of horns, Ole Miss’ punter remained involved.

Corral lost his helmet to Peters’ grip, which is probably due to rage related to the State offense wasting a once-in-25-years defense and only being able to rip apart some sad ACC team in late December.

Whatever Peters’ reasoning, Ole Miss’ quarterback lacked a helmet in a brawl. THIS IS FINE.

Of note, do you know where Ole Miss punter Mac Brown was during this? GUESS WHAT:

Thankfully, Corral was not pummeled without mercy and escaped harm via a State defensive lineman and an Ole Miss staffer, who found himself in a not great spot.

We should also note that Mississippi State defensive lineman Jeffrey Simmons, who appeared early and often in this fight, did not throw any punches in this madness. That’s because there were no women lying on the ground for him to punch.

Unrelated to Simmons beating a woman and suffering no real consequences because Dan Mullen knew his ass was on the line, DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION IN THE EGG BOWL.

Shortly after this, Ole Miss offensive lineman Royce Newman saw something way more interesting than a brawl taking place 10 feet away from him.

As the chaos raged, yet another rare event took place on the field in the form of a THIRD OLE MISS SPECIALIST BEING NEAR THE CENTER OF THE FIGHT. Luke Logan, Ole Miss’ kicker and chief weapon in the red zone, had some things he needed say to Abram.

Almost lost in a kicker not taking anyone’s crap (LET ME KICK AND SOAR AMONG THE CLOUDS) was Ole Miss offensive coordinator Phil Longo doing a perfect Frank Drebin from The Naked Gun. NOTHING TO SEE HERE, PLEASE DISPERSE.

Finally, things started to settle and both teams were slowly cat-herded to their respective sidelines. Over the next few minutes, the officials had a good group-think session to determine just how many penalties they needed to assess, as well as if any one needed to be ejected.

After some careful thought, the number of penalties they decided was everyone on both teams.

They also decided some players lost the privilege of continuing to play in the game and had them removed. Those lucky few included Mississippi State’s Jamal Peters and Cameron Dantzler, as well as Willie Gay, who via the blanket unsportsmanlike penalty, received his second such penalty and was automatically ejected.

For Ole Miss, only C.J. Moore was told to leave the game and go to the locker room.

However, because even SEC officials can’t tell the difference between Ole Miss and Mississippi State, Dantzler and Moore should not have been ejected, as the referees confused them with players on the other team. In SEC Commissioner Greg Sankey’s poot noise statement released Tuesday, it was noted that Johnathan Abram, who wears number 38 for the Bulldogs (Moore’s number is 38), should’ve been ejected, as well as Matt Corral and A.J. Brown for Ole Miss.

If you’re scoring at home, that means they only missed 75 percent of the players who should’ve been thrown out of the game. But correctly determining 25 percent of the ejections earned them a Not Bad! performance review from the league office.

Once everyone was back on the sidelines, the realization that there was still another quarter to play in this blowout started to set in.

(brief pause for PHOTOSHOP UPGRADE)

Mercifully or unfortunately, depending your interests, the final quarter of the game did not have any, as Greg Sankey so corporately stated, UNNECESSARY ACTIONS. Mississippi State maintained the blowout status of the game, and the 2018 Ole Miss football season was put out of its misery.