We continue with our weekly series that assesses my confidence, using a scale of one to five Cowboy Hat-Wearing Matt Lukes, in Ole Miss’ ability to win the remaining games on its schedule. For a refresher on how this works or if you want to remember a time before cold reality washed over us, click here.
According to legend, when Hernán Cortés arrived in Mexico and set out to conquer the Aztec Empire, he ordered the burning of his expedition’s ships. The idea behind this alleged insanity was to make his men understand that no one had a chance to go home unless they defeated the Aztecs.
You may recall that, in an effort to motivate his players, “burn the ships” was a phrase adopted one season by a former head coach who loved Compliance at Ole Miss dot e-d-u. While the legend is wrong*, I think it’s not a bad phrase to bring back for the rest of this season.
Not because it would be a great rallying cry in an effort to help pull this season out of the free fall it feels like we’re in, but if we burn the ships in the name of committing insurance fraud, we might get some cash money out of this shitshow. WHO COULDN’T USE SOME EXTRA PAPER IN THE POCKET?
*Cortés sank his ships to avoid a mutiny, so VERY APPLICABLE to this year.
Ole Miss penalties in the Year of our Lord two thousand and eighteen:
- Texas Tech: 7 for 49 yards
- Southern Illinois: 9 for 75 yards
- Alabama: 8 for 67 yards
- Kent State: 8 for 90 yards
- LSU: 17 for 167 yards
How about we stop saying things like we had “uncharacteristic penalties”? Ole Miss averages 9.8 penalties per game. Penalties are now a core value. We’re like The U back in the day, except instead of beating people by five touchdowns, while having 150 penalty yards, we get beaten by five touchdown and have as many penalty yards as passing yards.
What a more simple time it was when I lived a life with the belief Arkansas would be one of three potential SEC wins for Ole Miss. Now? BRING BACK THE THIS IS FINE HOUSTON NUTT RATING SCALE*.
*The more Houston Nutts, the more obliteration awaits Ole Miss.
My favorite moment of the LSU game was Matt Luke’s decision to avoid the dreaded 28-3 halftime deficit by kicking a 17-yard field goal to cut it to 28-6. WELL, BOB, YOU GOTTA PLAY FOR THE DEFENSIVE STRUGGLE YOU KNOW IS COMING IN THE SECOND HALF.
Just imagine how conservative he would be if we weren’t an Air Raid team and bowl ineligible. David Cutcliffe has been gone from Ole Miss for 14 years, yet he still haunts us.
As president and sole member of the Coach Boom Ain’t Doin’ Shit Society, congratulations to me on being right about one thing and one thing only in 2018.
When Matt Luke opted to kick that field goal before halftime, Jeffrey Vitter elbow-high fived someone.
Granted, we’re still over a month away, but if ever a game deserved getting the original three Daves back together for a JP special, THIS IS IT.
Pretty tough Saturday night for State fans. They had to compose lengthy essays about the failures of Joe Moorhead, while trying not to let the joy over this week’s favorite team, the LSU Tigers, seep into their rants.