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SEC WHIP-AROUND WEEK 2: Will someone buy Texas A&M a damn beer?

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The Aggies were up 34 points on UCLA. They lost by one.

NCAA Football: Texas A&M at UCLA
When the comeback is on.
Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

Well, we’re here, and we’re ready to whip around the SEC. Off we go.

The big story from the weekend of course involves kindred spirits Texas A&M, who ascended to offensive nirvana in the first half of Sunday’s bout with UCLA out in Los Angeles, then fell severely to Hell in the most dramatic fashion possible. The Aggies lost, 45-44, and our friends at Good Bull Hunting are certainly smarting after such a spectacular face-plant. We here at RCR can most definitely sympathize, seeing as Ole Miss pulled off two such blunders in the space of 12 days but a year ago.

It’s just that things out on the west coast late at night are ... weird, man. #Pac12AfterDark is an internet thing for this very fact. Put Arizona State and Oregon in a room full of sharp objects for long enough and SOMEONE is bound to lose an eye. That’s just how they strut out there, and it’s always one of our favorite weekly appointment viewings.

In case you missed it, we decked Doug Gottlieb on Twitter during this game, because Gottlieb is a supreme moron.

A&M LOST, 45-44, AND THE TEAMS’ RECRUITING CLASSES OVER THE LAST FOUR YEARS ARE RANKED NOS. 11 AND 12. IT DOESN’T MATTER WHICH IS WHICH, BECAUSE NEITHER RECRUITS BETTER THAN THE OTHER. LORD WE’RE SHOUTY TODAY.

Alabama went and Alabama’d FSU and Deondre Francois out of the building.

Y’all, this sucks. We legitimately like Francois, because he’s a playmaker and can take a damn hit. Seriously, last year — and, well, this year too, we guess — his offensive line just couldn’t help a dude out. Ole Miss laid some serious hits on him in the season opener a year ago, and he continued to be bodied well into November. It’s in a way a crazy wonder that a serious injury didn’t occur earlier, and now he’s done for the year.

And here’s the real rub: Florida State has to go play real football again this week. Granted, they’re playing a bottom-dwelling Louisiana-Monroe, but the body-blow effect is real. This could in fact turn into a weird FSU nightmare in Tallahassee, and we’ll certainly be monitoring it as it transpires throughout the evening.

Anyway, our sources are reporting that Alabama remains very good at the sport of American football.

Oh, Florida.

These guys are just miserable to watch, and I say that with the full disclosure that I completed a doctorate at this fine institution back in 2013. I was there for the Tebow and Joakim Noah madness, then watched everything fall apart under an Urban Meyer that no longer gave a shit, then a Will Muschamp that couldn’t employ a competent offensive coordinator to save his life. That play-calling, THIS play-calling is downright baffling.

YA GOT MICHIGAN’D, GATORS.

There’s just no offense in this team. Yes, the Gators were without 10 starters — including some important pieces among the front seven — but Florida’s always enjoyed its best success when enjoying explosive, cutting-edge offense. Just ask Steve Spurrier and Danny Wuerfful. Just ask early-era Urban Meyer and Chris Leak. Those engines hummed, and lord help you if let Percy Harvin get by you, injury or no.

So it’s a bit puzzling that offense-whisperer Jim McElwain can’t cobble together a passable strategy when his team has the ball. There’s real talent here, and the athletes are real, but something’s amiss. Preparation? In-game coaching? Who in the world knows. Finally, here are a couple of fun tweets:

Savage.

ELSEWHERE!

Missouri’s offense whipped some Missouri State ass on Saturday, and that was only somewhat surprising, because quarterback Drew Lock is a real phenom.

We think Arkansas played something like football Saturday against Florida A&M. Football-adjacent — let’s say that and move on.

Vanderbilt won, and head coach Derek Mason made it into this week’s HATER’S GUIDE. Go read that.

HOLY MOLY TENNESSEE WON A FOOTBALL GAME. That yardage was WEIRD, man. This was the stupidest thing I’ve ever watched and I’ve seen Independence Day probably 13 times. Go to hell, Tennessee, you rabid, leprotic armadillos.

Let’s go, y’all.