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The official Ole Miss-Alabama preview

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The Rebs and Tide kick off IN PRIME TIME.

Alabama v Vanderbilt
When the hater’s guide drops.
Photo by Frederick Breedon/Getty Images

This isn’t necessarily a hater’s guide, but in many ways it is. Alabama is far and away the most boring college football team to watch in the country, because they’re just too good. They’re just too inevitable. They win too hard, and they do so in the most boring fashion possible.

BUT! Ole Miss is this year’s CHAOS TEAM, and their spread attack on offense could pester Nick Saban into chopping off a limb by halftime. That’s really what we’re rooting for, because Ole Miss’ defense across the board probably has no chance against #ROLLTIDE’s offense. Maybe they do. Maybe they’ll show up and tackle people. WE SHALL SEE.

Either way, Saturday will hopefully prove to produce a CHAOS EVENT that sends Alabama Twitter into utter insanity. Gray and Bob mentioned this on the pod and, really, we need this in our lives, especially if the Rebs lose.

AHEM. Alabama, as you might imagine, is quite good. They rank in the top 25 of all of Bill C’s advanced stats rankings at the moment, which means that they are very efficient on the molecular level. Let’s pick out the things to watch for here.

Ole Miss might pull of a CRAZY PLAY.

Like, um ...

Man that’s a howling good time. It produced my singularly favorite blog this site has ever put out. If Shea Patterson can go out there and somehow morph into Johnny Manziel, we might end up with another wilder than hell score. That’s what we’re rooting for, anyway, because Ole Miss’ offense is a screeching shithouse rat, and this particular shithouse rat is entirely pissed the hell off.

The defense might pull off an important stop.

Hahahahahahahahahaha.

To what extent can Matt Luke disrespect the Tide?

Just plain scoring on the Tide is disrespecting the Tide. Hell, a first down is disrespecting the Tide. The Tide is the Prince. When the Prince speaks, the people listen. When the Prince doesn’t speak, the people still listen. Therefore, the people’s speech is always already uninvited. The Prince is his own signifier.

But Prince Saban — for all his Stoicism and rancor — is after all human, and thus susceptible to the whims of the emotional swings that come with a CHAOS TEAM over there on the other sideline. Further still, the Rebs enjoy a superior quarterback in the figure of Shea Patterson who may very well break this one wide open for a spell.

The Tide are favored at -27 with an over/under of 59 points. I rather like Ole Miss’ chances of covering, though I don’t think these two get to 59.