Your premier booze blog wants you to enjoy only the best Boilermakers

We are the premier booze blog on the web. That assertion is inarguable. But we’re also the premier Purdue blog on the web. We, the Purdue Boilermakers, absolutely crushed the hell out of Missouri on Saturday, 35-3, and Bill C. wrote perhaps the saddest thing we’ve ever read about college football. We say that, and we watched Ole Miss play Cal on Saturday night. Which was very bad.

But that’s not why we’re here. We’re not even here for football, because we’re the premier booze blog on the web. We’re here to discuss whiskey/bourbon coupled with beer — AT THE SAME TIME. That’s right, the most hallowed of Indiana sins: THE BOILERMAKER.

Let’s first start off and say that this thing is fundamentally gross. Whiskey, bourbon, they stand in one category. Beer stands in another. They should never be paired together in the same red cup, because what are you doing, fam?

Further, whiskey and beer exist for separate purposes. Whiskey exists to get you screaming loud drunk on the front lawn then inevitably passing out on the couch still wearing Sunday’s boots. Beer exists just to get you through it. Beer exists to ready you for the inevitable bullshit collapse by Ole Miss in Berkeley. Then you go to whiskey. Then you drink yourself into a tunnel. You’re a professional drunk, after all, and you need to pace these things out.

So, we, as Mississippians, as southerners, don’t really understand the appeal of a Boilermaker, but we’re still going to prescribe a proper Boilermaker recipe because we’ve actually been there before and honestly it was kind of fun.

So, to construct a proper Boilermaker, you will need:

• One shot of Maker’s Mark
  One 12-ounce can of Pabst Blue Ribbon
• Pour the Maker’s into the Pabst and drink it

That’s it. That’s all you need to screw your tummy for the next 12 hours and just drift off onto some other planet. PBR is the perfect beer for any occasion, because anyone can and will drink it. It’s also cheap. Maker’s slides toward the expensive scale, yes, but you’re making Boilermakers in the Grove for some reason, so why not splurge?

Further, we have a late entry here from Ghost, who suggests a shot of Jameson and a can of National Bohemian, which sounds horrid. Anyway, he calls it a “Baltimore Stevedore” for reasons we’re not entirely sure of, but that totally fits. Again, only people in Indiana drink this stupid shit because it’s terrible.

Someone told us about Old Crow and Schlitz, which please don’t do that. Schlitz is fine on its own, but Old Crow can go to hell. Really, the most important things to keep in mind when making this swill are cheap beer and fairly good whiskey. It’s a dialectic. GOOD beer will be ruined by whatever whiskey. CHEAP beer cannot be ruined. BAD whiskey will only make things worse. GOOD whiskey will be ruined by cheap beer, yes, but it at least classes up the joint. That’s why a middling PBR and a north-of-middling Maker’s will produce the best Boilermaker, which is sort of like saying “I enjoyed watching the closest loss in a 5-7 Ole Miss football season.”

Maker’s and PBR ain’t so bad, we guess, if you’re in to getting rowdy with your fellow Purdue fans.