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Around the SEC Week 1: You now play for Florida

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SUSPENSIONS FOR EVERYBODY.

NCAA Football: Florida Spring Game
When the whole squad is suspended.
Logan Bowles-USA TODAY Sports

IT’S COLLEGE FOOTBALL WEEK 1 AND WE GOT SUSPENSIONS APLENTY. TENNESSEE AND FLORIDA APPARENTLY ARE FED UP ENOUGH TO BENCH SOME MAJOR PIECES AND RISK WEEK 1 COLLEGE FOOTBALL DOOM. LET’S GO, Y’ALL.

SEC HEADLINES: Florida is down two more players, after Jordan Scarlett and Rick Wells attempted to defraud the campus bookstore out of hundreds of hundreds of dollars. That’s NINE suspended Gators for the season opener against no less than Michigan.

So, you are playing football for the Florida Gators. Congratulations, dear reader.

[clears throat inappropriately loudly] LET THEM PLAY.

REMINDER: college athletics are the worst economic construct of our modern era and they should be abolished with contempt. PAY THE FUCKING PLAYERS.

Scarlett and Wells merely follow seven other teammates that were trying to make a damn living or score weed or something this summer, notwithstanding their commitments to grueling practices in the swampy Florida heat of Gainesville, Fla. in August. Y’know, just keeping these guys amateur and all. Never mind that 90,000 fans will show up on opening day this Saturday, AND THEY ALL PAID FOR TICKETS. Go fuck yourself, NCAA.

Also, here’s a good reason to follow Patrick Hruby on Twitter, because he’s very good. He teaches NCAA compliance and other things at Georgetown. A wonderful and smart writer.

That was in response to NCAA stooge Dan Wolken tweeting this particular bit of nonsense.

Wolken can go fuck himself. This anti-labor shitstain should be unread for eternity. Barf, this makes us mad.

TENNESSEE SUSPENDED A BIG STARTER, TOO.

Apparently angry red man Butch Jones at Tennessee suspended someone for something, which can often amount to “not shooting a turkey dead on first shot” in Tennessee. We’re not sure. Still checking that out. Anyway, this makes for a pretty big blow to their trench warfare on the season, and college football couldn’t be happier. Bye, Tennessee.

Also, Ole Miss’ defensive lineman Qaadir Sheppard is probably out for Saturday, and that sucks.

Let’s get through this together, you and us. It’s only Week 1, and Ole Miss is THE CHAOS TEAM. LET’S GO.