WEEK 1 BETTING GUIDE: We’re high on Florida State and ... Illinois?

Can you think of a better way to spend your hard earned money than throwing it into the winds tossed by the psyches, ability, and emotions of 18-22 year old athletes?

Me neither.

And now, Red Cup Rebellion will bring you a gamblers’ guide to each week of college football — where to pick the over, the under, beat the spread or take the money and run. Your boy OMTB has zero credentials EXCEPT A SUPER FLUSH PANAMANIAN BANK ACCOUNT THE GOVERNMENT KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT, and if you bet your mortgage based on my picks, you may end up like Jeff Bezos by season's end.

All lines via Bovada as of Wednesday morning. They’ll undoubtedly move, so make sure to check back before you throw down.

WHO WILL BEAT THE SPREAD?

Florida State +7.5 vs. Alabama: Bet on the Seminoles to keep it to a TD or less in this one. That number is begging to be picked. In the first game after a long lay off, Bama is breaking in its third OC in the last year. I have a hard time imagining them clicking on all cylinders offensively against the 'Noles.

Personally, I try and stay away from the marquee games, because there's usually a lot of goobers betting on the games that influence the lines. Then there's the sharp people like yourself, reading this, who make suckers out of all those Gumpers when they bet FSU.

TAKE THE OVER

Texas A&M vs. UCLA — O/U at 56:

If you think the Kevin Sumlin-led Aggies and a Pac 12 team won't score more than 56, you're not ready to be a gazillionaire. At 31-28, you become a winner and go buy your old lady a mink coat with Faberge eggs in the pockets.

TAKE THE UNDER

Akron vs. Penn State — O/U at 66:

Penn State ain't allowing more than seven or 10 points in this game, and I don't think this is a statement game where James Franklin will try to pour it on. Watch Penn State win 49-7, then take all your new money and go buy a beach home in Key West outfitted with the finest in mahogany furniture.

MONEYLINE IS WHERE YOU MAKE DA MONEY

Illinois -250 vs. Ball State:

You're flushed with cash now, but you have to make the $250 bet to get another hundo for the weekend. It's easy pickings here as Illinois is the home team, more talented and is going to take care of the Cardinals with a superior defense.

When you're on the beach in Seychelles a year from now reading this on a hologram computer, remember today was the beginning of your new financial life. OMTB OUT.