I’m going to read ‘FLIM FLAM,’ Steve Robertson’s book, because I hate myself

Hello. Interim managing editor Jim here, and I have a personal announcement to make: I hate myself, apparently, at least enough so to read and review the mouthful that is FLIM FLAM: The Truth Behind the Blind-Faith Culture that Led to the Explosive NCAA Investigation of Ole Miss Football.

Consider this a public service of sorts.

Further, and for this immediate context, I have obtained a very screechy press release announcing the publication of this shit-pile. I have done so through nefarious, non-NCAA-compliant means, in keeping with CHEATIN’ REBEL BEARS tradition. This is perhaps the most college football document in existence, and there’s no way Ole Miss compliance blogger Steve Robertson didn’t write it himself. It’s ... out there, man.

To wit:

Just in time for football season, Foxx House, LLC is pleased to announce the release of the hot new book Flim Flam: The Truth Behind the Blind-Faith Culture that Led to the Explosive NCAA Investigation of Ole Miss Football by Steve Robertson. Football fans everywhere have been clamoring for this historic book.

“Football fans,” used so loosely in this context, of course, being “Mississippi State message board shit-posters.” Here’s another paragraph that doesn’t at all come off completely unhinged.

As the subtitle, The Truth Behind the Blind-Faith Culture that Led to the Explosive NCAA Investigation of Ole Miss Football, suggests, Flim Flam exposes a culture of corruption that has existed around the Ole Miss program for decades. The NCAA has charged the football program with allegations that are likely the most flagrant infractions since the 1987 SMU death penalty case. Travel with Robertson as he navigates the maze of cover-ups, lies, intimidations, and death threats.

A few things here: “allegations that are likely the most flagrant infractions since the 1987 SMU death penalty case.” If this wet turd of an expose is rife with speculation of this sort — and mind, Robertson is rushing this to press BEFORE the announcement of, y’know, the ACTUAL penalties imposed on Ole Miss, because why not — this exercise may turn out to be not that bad, insofar as it will turn out to be utterly hysterical. In some ways, I guess it is already.

Second item: “a culture of corruption that has existed around the Ole Miss program for decades.” DECADES? We’ll see about that. Maybe FLIM FLAM will become a work of fiction midway through. Finally, don’t send Steve Robertson death threats. He’s not worth the vitriol. Don’t send anyone death threats.

Brace yourself for some incoming high Greek drama. This might scorch your eyes right out of your head.

The circumstances surrounding the Ole Miss case are larger-than-life. The NCAA’s four-year investigation has produced multiple allegations including academic fraud, pay-for-play, clothing, cash, hotel rooms, cars, lies, and cover-ups. Lack of institutional control may be the most egregious. The head coach was even calling escort services while on recruiting trips.

LARGER THAN LIFE. What, exactly, is LARGER THAN LIFE here, you ask? Pay-for-play, clothing, cash, hotel rooms, cars, lies, and cover-ups. QUELLE HORREUR. Compensation commensurate with labor expended is now larger than life. Mercy.

This next — hand to heart — is in a press release about the publication of a self-obsessed book ABOUT COLLEGE FUCKING FOOTBALL.

Flim Flam (borrowed from the famous Ole Miss “Hotty Toddy” cheer) is a real-life David and Goliath story of how Robertson found himself in the middle of the biggest NCAA scandal college football has seen in decades. In what could be the most remarkable job of investigative journalism in Mississippi sports history, Robertson scooped all other media outlets, and became THE go-to guy for exclusive facts regarding the NCAA investigation.

DAVID AND GOLIATH. THE MOST REMARKABLE JOB OF INVESTIGATIVE JOURNALISM IN MISSISSIPPI SPORTS HISTORY. Note too that he just threw the game: “THE go-to guy for exclusive facts regarding the NCAA investigation.” YOU JUST STRAIGHT-UP ADMITTED TO BEING AN OLE MISS COMPLIANCE BLOGGER, MY GUY.

This is how this insane press release ends:

Flim Flam is reality-based with no embellishment of truth. It is destined to become the definitive historical document of the Ole Miss investigation.

Like I said, Robertson absolutely wrote this tripe himself because he can’t find an actual publisher that has people to do that for him. (The logo from “Foxx House, LLC,” whatever that is, is the damn cover of FLIM FLAM.)

So, my promise to you is this: I’m going to subject myself to all 312 pages of this loose stool and write up the DEFINITIVE review, because I’m at once as hubristic and self-important as Robertson, but I hate myself even more than he does. That is all.