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Y’all want some sautéed potatoes? Here, have some sautéed potatoes

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GO GET YOUR SHALLOW PAN.

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Because this is a food blog that has literally never published a football-related article, I figured it was past due to share how I cook my favorite starch. Potatoes, in certain forms, wield the power of providing one with a satisfied feeling in the belly without that crippling wave of self-hatred that tends to follow eating wonderful carby things.

That’s the dangerous spot I put myself in last summer, as I enjoyed taters as a dinner side most days of the week once I discovered this new way to shorten my life, subsequently gaining 10 pounds in the process.

It is very hard to screw up potatoes, so I tend to not worry about being too precise with ingredient amounts. One baby red potato is probably enough for one person, but if you wanted more, I’d be a monster for trying to stop you.

As far as butter is concerned, I present the yummy index, which has a roughly exponential relationship to the amount of butter used.

The yummy index is a thing I just made up.

In all seriousness, a tablespoon of butter, along with the same amount of olive oil, will work just fine. The only imperative here is that you use real butter, not only because a substitute like margarine will inevitably cause the potatoes to stick to the pan and be ruined, but also, like, do you want to be happy?

Start by cutting up each potato into eighths, then further slicing it into manageable bits. If you want to include green onion, which is optional for garnish, cut off the roots and top part, then chop into small pieces. In hindsight, I probably used too much onion, but again, it’s really hard to screw up potatoes.

For the actual cooking, I’d recommend using a light saucepan (with a cover) that you can pick up and shake with ease, as opposed to a heavier skillet. Melt and blend the butter and olive oil over medium heat, spread the taters across the pan, and let it be for a minute or so.

Either toss them around with a spatula or shake the pan, then once they’re all directly touching the surface again, cover for three minutes. Repeat this process until they’re at least partially brown (should take just six minutes of being covered).

Add the onion, along with a dash of whatever seasoning you like (salt and pepper, garlic, parsley, etc.). Salt and pepper is probably enough for this to be good. Toss the mixture around for another minute, then remove from heat so the additions don’t get burnt.

This is about what they should look like in the end, but because it’s very hard to screw up potatoes, it really doesn’t matter. Enjoy.