Ole Miss is not hiring, nor will ever hire Les Miles. Stop it

It’s hard to believe we’re here, but here we are.

Multiple outlets began reporting over the weekend and then into Monday that rumors were boiling to the surface regarding one Les Miles filling the coaching vacancy at Ole Miss. NBC Sports’ headline, “Fire up the Les Miles rumor mill at Ole Miss, even if just for fun,” makes perhaps a bridge too far, insofar as it acknowledges the absurd rumorness of this rumor, and you should never throw the game that early in any case.

This post could very well have been titled “BREAKING: Ole Miss to hire former LSU coach Les Miles as its next football coach,” and we here at Red Cup Rebellion would be rocketed out and up into the ether of internet history, but we’re above that. We’re also smart enough to know that (1) it ain’t worth all the shitstorm tweeting and commenting, and (2) this rumor is baseless, perhaps finding its locus classicus with this beauty of #FAKENEWS from longtime friend, @BourbonGhost on Twitter.

That tweet, in addition to being a classically hilarious bit of fake internet jokery, then got picked up by whatever the hell 12up Sports is, which as of this writing is still pushing the Les Miles flying in a real airplane to Oxford, Miss. for a real job interview. Like, audible guffaw, here:

​​According to reports, former LSU head coach Les Miles is flying down to Oxford today after Ole Miss reached out to him. A meeting with AD Ross Bjork could be the decided factor as to whether or not Les Miles takes over.

Honestly, this would be a great hire for the Rebels. Miles is not only an incredibly successful coach, but also a great recruiter, and could help Ole Miss turn back into the strong program they once were.

“According to reports?” “The decided factor?” “This would be a great hire for the Rebels?” What? Ghost’s tweet deserves the appropriate chuckle, like, and retweet then nothing more in your life. But here we have nominally a blogger for “a global sports media and technology company focused on the digital generation” building out an entire BREAKING NEWS hit based on ... nothing.

(Let’s pause here to appreciate that this stupid Les Miles to Oxford thing is the current top story on their splash main page.)

It’s amazing that we’re actually going to go through this exercise, but what if Ole Miss seriously was drunk enough to be entertaining the idea of bringing in that former neighbor with questionable chainsaw safety practices? Let’s think this through.

Miles is a bad idea because he’d bring a schematic regression to the Ole Miss spread.

The Rebs are built for acrobatics and speed. Miles’ grunting, halting, lethargic style of play calling just doesn’t fit. He can’t develop and play-call for quarterbacks with Shea Patterson’s particular skill set. It’s true that he’s a strong recruiter and his defenses always showed up every year, but that only goes so far in a division and conference that need points production.

So, no — he just doesn’t fit professionally or personality-wise.

Miles is a bad idea — and any hiring in 2017 is, for that matter — because Ole Miss can’t entertain high level, proven candidates currently.

Remember the NCAA investigation? Who would want to step into that snakepit? Any potential candidate would prove himself a madman to step into such an unknown situation, fully cognizant of the fact that the NCAA could bring their guillotine down on him for crimes committed by his predecessor and predecessor’s predecessor.

And in any case, Ole Miss actually sort of finds itself in a kind of, erm, ideal hiring situation, since the NCAA decision will presumably come sometime in the middle of the 2017 season — and again, no bowl game this year — and they can assess their own house’s attractiveness at that time.

Further, Ole Miss can take any prospective candidate’s 2017 job performance into account when selecting their pool of potential hires. That’s one more full college football season with which to observe the field and make a calculated decision when it’s all said and done. Hell, if P.J. Fleck wins his division at Minnesota this year, go pay him millions to come to town.

This has been the reasons why Ole Miss shouldn’t hire Les Miles, but you already knew them.