Every year around this time — after SEC media days and before the start of college football proper — the SEC Network devotes a full 24 hour cycle to one of the conference’s member institutions. Ole Miss will receive that honor on July 26 this year.
SECN will presumably air some of the more memorably successful moments in Rebel sports — the 2014 and 2015 Alabama games for football come to mind — and that’s nice. It’s a fundamentally good thing to celebrate the great highs of the SEC’s 14 sports programs, notwithstanding the fact that some have had more recent success (looking at you, Florida and ‘Bama).
But with those highs come attendant lows. Just out of curiosity, what’s Mike Schula up to these days, errant Tide fan? Anyway, this year we believe that the SEC Network should air 24 hours of every school’s absolute worst in sports. The 2002 and 2003 Ole Miss cross country seasons spring to mind, say. The Valparaiso game in 1998. Here, let’s relive that one right quick.
“VALPO HAS WON THE GAME. A MIRACLE.” Nauseous yet?
So in this vein, then, we brainstormed some truly godawful programming that would actually do better traffic than, say, the 2015 Egg Bowl, insofar as Ole Miss fans would desperately run for cover, sure, but everybody else would be drawn in for some riveting television. Instead of the 2016 Egg Bowl on Mississippi State’s network takeover, just slide that sucker on over to the Ole Miss day and, poof!, piles of advertising cash right there.
Here then is a partial list of the absolute worst in Ole Miss sports that SECN could air on July 26.
Sept. 5, 2016: Ole Miss 34, Florida State 45
Remember when the Rebs had a four score lead? That was fun for about half the night.
Nov. 7, 2015: Ole Miss 52, Arkansas 53
THE FREAKING TIP PLAY.
Dec. 31, 2014: Ole Miss 3, TCU 42
Laremy Tunsil broke his damn leg in this game.
Nov. 26, 2011: Ole Miss 3, Mississippi State 31
You know what? Why don’t they just show the entire 2011 season — from beginning to end — for the full 24 hours on Ole Miss’ takeover day.
Sept. 4, 2010: Ole Miss 48, Jacksonville State 49 (2 OT)
Houston Nutt really knew how to get the most out of his players in September, didn’t he?
Nov. 20, 2010: Ole Miss 36, LSU 43
The Rebs actually out-rushed the Tigers in this one, 236-212 yards, but LSU tuned Ole Miss up for 20 points in the fourth quarter. MASOLI!!!
Nov. 22, 2003: Ole Miss 14, LSU 17
Remember this one? It was “Win the West Week” in Oxford that week, since all Ole Miss needed for a trip to Atlanta was to take down the Tigers at home. No big deal, right? Well, that’s difficult to do when ELI MANNING TRIPS OVER HIS GUARD’S FOOT ON THE GAME-WINNING DRIVE AND WELP NO, NO ATLANTA THIS YEAR, EVERYONE. Mercy.
There are of course sundry offerings that could fill 24 hours a few times over. There’s baseball. There’s basketball. There’s track and field and cross country. Given that each of those football games lasts between three and four hours, that group of seven would probably fill out 24 hours, with a quick cameo by PAAAWWWLLL.