Which fast food restaurants does Oxford need?

Oxford’s fast food choices don’t really impress me. Sure we have a Popeye’s and arguably thats more than enough already. We also have all the boring shit like McDonalds, Burger King, etc. We have a few “special” options like Cookout (cheap, but not good) or Five Guys (good, but not cheap). As fast as Oxford is expanding though, couldn’t we add some better options? Maybe have something on the far side of town besides “Secret Wendy’s”?

The Velvet Ditch is expanding. Enrollment is up. The town is growing exponentially. And the food scene is ever-evolving. But, we are still missing some very important pieces to our culinary arsenal. These fast food/casual establishments would be godsends for Oxford and Lafayette County.

So without further ado...

Ward’s

I love Ward’s. One time I was driving by a Ward’s in Raleigh, MS and I got so excited I went in and asked them if they could make me two burgers even though it was 8:15 AM, and they did, because its Ward’s. Ward’s is like a greasy Whataburger where everything on the menu comes covered with chili and cheese. The optimal order is a double “Big One” burger (chili, cheese, pickles, onions, some kind of yellowish stuff that could be mustard or mayo, I’m not actually sure, best to not question it) with a frosted mug original recipe rootbeer (think Barq’s with even more sugar).

Ward’s knows what it’s about. On their website they actually encourage you to get the largest combo with an extra chili damn cheese dog on the side. My favorite drive through started in Hattiesburg, and although they are all over south Mississippi, they haven’t extended this far north yet. Ward’s slogan is “Giving you the Big One since 1978” and I’m hoping they give Oxford the “Big One” in 2018.

Jack Pirtle’s

Jack Pirtle’s has fried chicken to rival Popeye’s. At JP’s you can get tenders, wings, dark meat, white meat, gizzards, livers, you name it! All meals come with just what they need: biscuits, fries, and gravy. If you are trying to eat cheap, grab a chicken, rice, and gravy bowl for $1.99 or for breakfast try 3 biscuits for $0.99. Jack Pirtle’s started in 1957 and it’s current 8 locations are all in Memphis.

Whataburger

Whataburger’s honey butter chicken biscuits are the best fast food breakfast, Chick Fil’ A be damned. Whataburger also has that spicy ketchup. I also just generally support stuff with big “W” logos, like Weezer and Wonder Woman.

Waffle House

It’s not really fast food... yet.. but Oxford is the perfect place for the first Waffle House drive through. Less fraternities would get kicked off campus if hazing just consisted of making pledges wait in line to bring drunk frat boys Waffle House to go. If you have never been to Waffle House, its like if IHOP or Huddle House didn’t suck. Don’t take it from me though, just ask Anthony Bourdain.

Torchy’s Tacos

I’ve actually never had Torchy’s Tacos, but everyone tells me they make damn good tacos.

Velvet Cream

Velvet Cream is not a franchise, its just a good place to eat in Hernando. You could totally add one in Oxford as a drive through though. It would be like a higher quality Sonic.

Steak ‘n Shake

The Pavilion is very, very cool, but the limited menu Steak ‘n Shake it houses misses the point of Steak ‘n Shake. Steak ‘n Shake doesn’t have the best milkshakes, but it has solid milkshakes in lots of different crazy flavors (except in the Pavilion). Also, i’m pretty sure you can’t get a ‘frisco melt in the Pavilion. Or $3.99 all you can eat pancakes. Alas.

Moe’s Southwest Grill

Oxford has South Depot so it doesn’t actually need Moe’s, but Oxford also added a Chipotle. Chipotle is overrated as all hell. Moe’s is just as good and cheaper. Replace Chipotle with Moe’s. BRING IT BACK!

Shake Shack

Just kidding, I hate Shake Shack. Don’t get me wrong, I support the organic whole food thing. If everyone ignored all these chains and only ate at local restaurants that served local organic whole foods from local farmers that would be great. Shake Shack though... maybe kinda seems... like they maybe possibly... theoretically... hypothetically... just like buzzwords that let them charge a shit ton for trumped up McDonalds?

What did I leave off? Nando’s? In-N-Out Burger? Foosackly’s? Bertiles? Thats what the comment section is for. For answering this question. Also for whining about how you quit reading after I didn’t pretend to like Cookout.

So let me hear it, fam.