We need to talk about these Ole Miss basketball Mt. Rushmore busts

The Ole Miss hoops department is organizing a giveaway for Dec. 13, the night that the Basketsharks tip off with Sam Houston State in The Pavilion. That giveaway involves a Mt. Rushmore of former Ole Miss basketball fan favorites. Here’s the first installment.

Hm.

Let’s inspect the photographic evidence. First up, Gerald Glass.

Courtesy Adam Kuffner - Ole Miss Athletics

Glass on the Mt. Rushmore seems to have filled out a bit. The facial hair feels about right, but somewhere in there he’s widened in notable fashion.

Next, John Stroud.

Courtesy Adam Kuffner - Ole Miss Athletics

Stroud — already a very handsome man — comes off in the Mt. Rushmore busts as something like a Slim Shady who went to graduate school for religious studies. Someone torched his already highly gelled hair into rock-hard lava, and he, like Glass, has apparently gained some significant pounds since matriculation.

Let’s go to Stefan Moody next, because Hendo deserves our full attention.

Spruce Derden-USA TODAY Sports

How does Moody’s bust stack up against his IRL likeness? I’ll let Whiskey Wednesday take it from here: “Moody looks like he's smoked two bowls and the timer just went off for the pizza rolls.” Fair, fair.

And now, Marshall Henderson.

Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images

(First, obligatory)

Glad that’s out of the way.

Put this Hendo bust in the Smithsonian. Let it stand in place of the confederate monument in campus’ Circle. Place this bust on the shelf of every professor’s office on Ole Miss’ campus. Hell, give me one, and my office is all the way over here in Charleston. Hendo’s bust is the truest to life, if only faintly a good resemblance of your favorite overloaded gunner. The tongue, the eyes, the attitude are all there, and like his compatriots on this Mt. Rushmore, he seems to have gained a significant amount of weight since his college days. Doesn’t matter, because it’s perfect.

Fat Ole Miss basketball Mt. Rushmore forever. If you happen to be at the Sam Houston State game and pick one of these up, Red Cup would forever love any or all of them. Especially Hendo and Moody. Thank you.