An oral history of D.K. Metcalf peeing all over Mississippi State’s end zone

Ole Miss upended No. 16 Mississippi State on Thursday night, 31-28 — which was Thanksgiving, if you weren’t familiar — and in the process the Rebels upended everybody’s holiday tables in Starkville simultaneously. It felt good.

In the process of that grand upset, Ole Miss receiver D.K. Metcalf hauled in a wondrous touchdown pass and proceeded to pretend piss all over Mississippi State’s end zone. Let’s remind ourselves of that incredible celebration.

Just truly beautiful, creative stuff from one of our favorite receivers. This got us thinking, how about an oral history of D.K. lifting a leg all over Starkville in the Rebs’ upset of CLANGA? We should do this. We NEED to do this.

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Jim: Well, it was weird. I had finished Thanksgiving dinner, and I was working over at SB Nation dot com — a website you may have heard of — and it got to be halftime, and I had to pee, but I also needed a beer. Then —

Bob: All week I was thinking 'man I hope somebody pantomimes peeing like a dog at some point today.' I meant this generally, and didn't really think it would be something I'd see in the Egg Bowl. I just thought it'd be funny to see on Thanksgiving.

Jim: Anyway, I had to relocate to the bar because my family was going to bed and this game was too lit to just sit in my parents’ basement (yeah, I wrote from my mom’s basement for a batch) and watch it with muted sound. So, anyway, I —

Table Cobbleson:

Jim: Ahem, as I was saying, I got to the bar just as A.J. Brown caught his big old TD pass and declared Starkville his city, which it really is. Let me also pause here to scroll through my Twitter timeline and well would you look at that.

I can’t tell you how hard my laughter was at this point — among a bunch of stupid suburban Atlanta people who had no interest in this game — but I was cackling my head off at A.J. owning Starkville and the D.K. thing was yet to come. So —

Christoph Ludwig: Well, I was down in Colorado Springs watching the game at the home of my girlfriend’s family, including her highly conservative grandmother. Anyway, as D.K. went up and snatched the pass out of the air, and tossed his would-be tackler onto the ground behind him as he rumbled into the end zone, I was overcome with joy.

Jordan Ta’amu finding Metcalf on a deep throw is to be expected. What I did not expect, however, was Metcalf paying homage to Odell Beckham Jr. by lifting up his right leg and peeing all over the Dawgs’ end zone. I’ll admit it: I laughed out loud, even though my girlfriend’s conservative grandmother was sitting right next to me. I couldn’t help it, I was too happy and baffled at what I was witnessing. I looked over at her, and she appeared to have no reaction. I figured that she didn’t approve, but knew that it had been a tough year for the Rebs, so she let it slide.

That gesture made CLANGA fans, Dan Wolken, and Pat Forde lose their minds, and that alone almost made up for the incredibly unenjoyable season we’ve had. Almost.

Jim: As I was saying, I was at the bar, and A.J. had already gotten some pretty uninterested customers totally excited about Ole Miss, for some reason. Then, outta nowhere, D.K. hauls in this beautiful pass and proceeds to mime a dog peeing on CLANGA’s end zone. Just like OBJ, who’s not playing on that TV screen right over there, and hell these guys are Giants fans, god help them. It was —

One Man To Beat: My smokeshow wife had just set out a hot pan of mozzarella sticks and pizza rolls. I eagerly popped a pizza roll into my gaping maw, consequently spewing molten pizza roll innards onto my now scorched tongue.

"HOOOOOOT" I cried, swallowing the ball of fiery deliciousness. My MSU pal shook his head and chuckled, but oh his hour of reckoning was nigh.

"Oh hell thats a TD," he said, while the ball hurtled to DK Metcalf, not yet caught.

Then it happened, the phenomenal Oxford sophomore plunged into the end zone and fake doggy peepee'd everywhere.

"Oh my," I said. "I think he was aiming for your pizza rolls fam."

Jim: Like I said —

Whiskey Wednesday: So Thanksgiving dinner was at the in-laws this year ... they’re a very nice Ohio State family, they try to follow Ole Miss to give us a few built-in conversation topics, and it’s been a very confusing year or so for them on that front.

Anyways, I wasn’t going to watch the Egg Bowl. I didn’t think the boys remotely had it in them this year, and I didn’t have it in me to see my son Jordan Ta’amu on the receiving end of 12 sacks and 4 interceptions. My father in-law actually turned the game on for me, assuming I’d want to check it out ... Ole Miss scored in three plays, and I was hooked.

The F-I-L was checking in and out of the game, and he turned to look when I whooped as DK was in the process of shaking that pesky cornerback off of him on the way to the end zone. FIL, as kind as he is, is a pretty uptight dude. So when DK air-pissed in the end zone, I just had to shrug my shoulders (“kids these days, right?”) while swallowing fit after fit of uproarious laughter.

Bob: I remember when I saw OBJ do the fake pee in the endzone. We were recording a podcast and it happened on the TV right in front of me. I thought it was funny and shared it with the whole crew while recording. They also thought it was funny. This is why I wanted to see this happen at some other, later point; we all thought a football player making like a dog to pee on something as a touchdown celebration was funny. It was, and still is, very funny.

Matt: I turned around to celebrate the touchdown and high-five my dad, and out of nowhere my 15-year old dog leapt from the couch and erupted into a fit of uncontrollable barking. I wheeled around and looked at the TV just in time to catch DK whizzing in the back of the MSU end zone. I’d like to believe that somehow my dog had recognized DK’s awesome celebration and was giving it the righteous respect it deserved. So props to you DK, from both me and my dog.

P.S. Don’t let the sanctimonious BS crowd ruin your fun. As the old saying goes, “if they didn’t want you to celebrate, they shouldn’t have let you in the endzone.”

Zach: Well, I was refilling my rock glass with some more Eagle Rare 10-year, as one does when watching any Ole Miss game, and I took my seat. As I nestled in, I glanced at the television just in time to see Jordan Ta’amu let it fly. And to my eyes’ delight I see D.K. come down with it, fight off a poor, overmatched defender, and race towards the end zone to put the good guys up 24-6 in enemy territory. As my family was all high-fiving each other, my wife turned to me, dabbed, and said “boy, oh boy, I hope he fake pees in the end zone like he’s a puppy dog.”

And would you look at what happened! She predicted the future! Man, what a time to be alive. It reminded me of the time in 2015 when we were watching this same game and after a Rebel pick six, she said “I think Dak made an attack in his pants.” That wife of mine, she sure is a sharp one.

Jim: That reminds me —

Table Cobbleson: I immediately looked over to my brother to see if he was thinking the same thing. He was. You see, there was once an NFL minor league type deal called NFL Europa. With teams overseas like “The Berlin Thunder” and “The Scottish Claymores” it was some wild shit. Basically the NFL used it to try out shitty proposed rule changes. In the last ever game, World Bowl XV, a rotund defensive tackle sacked the opposing passer and then pretended to pee on him like a dog.

For some reason this was an image from my childhood I’ve kept with me. I haven’t ever been able to find a video of it. I was starting to think it must have been something I made up. Then DK scored his touchdown and struck that pose and I looked over at my brother and he looked over at me. He recited my memory word for word and I knew it was true. I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. I watched a fat guy pretend to pee on a QB’s head. A moment that will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time for you to watch this highlight that I did find of a Seahawk faking a big poop on the ball.

Bob: Here is where I confess that I didn’t watch the Egg Bowl in real time. For the past few years, I’ve been spending my Thanksgiving at a friend’s house. He and his wife live a block away from me, and their family has graciously invited me to crash their Thanksgiving for the past few years. Unlike my family, these fine people are smart enough to generally eschew the sport of football altogether. They don’t even know what an Egg Bowl even is. They’re better people for it.

However, this does that, at their Thanksgiving celebration, there was no football on at all; no Dallas Cowboys, no Detroit Lions, and most definitely no Ole Miss Rebels for me. It also meant that I had resigned myself to the fate of not being able to see someone make a fake dog leg hike and pretend pee.

But, couple my hosts’ apathy towards sports with my certainty that a very “meh” Ole Miss team wasn’t about to beat a ranked Mississippi State team in Starkville, and I welcomed my excuse to avoid the Egg Bowl altogether this year.

Jim: Anyway, Bob is an idiot and, if I may —

Two Yards and a Cloud of Enricky: When I saw Metcalf situated on all fours, pissing on State's end zone, I immediately thought of the great French mime Jacques Guichard. Guichard was not the first mime, nor was he the greatest, but he is generally regarded as the art's primary thinker.

Guichard famously argued that all miming falls into one of two categories: internal or external. Internal is, of course, self-directed comedy. The mime who is trapped in an invisible box is funny because we can see his franticness, see his desperate desire to escape.

External miming is the mime taking caustic aim at the world around him (his viewers, society, the very landscape in which he's performing). And the funniest type of external miming, Guichard argued, is the expression of bodily functions aimed at another. What conveys humor better than a fart, a piss, a shit, a vomit? What is more pointed than turning this essential functions of the human condition on the subject of one's ire? Humor, friends, is nestled along this axis.

And it is in this category that young Mr. Metcalf positioned his extraordinary performance on Thanksgiving night. Note the care that went into the dog imitation. This illustrates an awareness of his surroundings (after all, what more humbling to the dawgs than to be urinated upon by a dog?). Note, too, the smooth angle of the hiked leg. No viewer could dismiss this as mere dancing. Intent is paramount in all miming, and Metcalf’s intent was clear from the start. In all, it is one of the finest miming performances by an American southerner that I have seen. Brava, Mr. Metcalf! Brava!

Table Cobbleson: Ok, so actually I found all of World Bowl XV in this two hour and fifty something minute video. So feel free to watch it and see if its the right game where I think I saw the OG dog pee.

Jim: Wow, thanks, TC. Now —

Bob: Again, I really did not want to watch the game. I cannot stress this enough. I have been broken by college football. But I’m a dumb millennial Twitter addict, so I could not help but periodically check on the game with surreptitious glances at my phone under the table. It was uncouth and unbecoming of a good dinner guest.

I cannot remember which of the tweets I saw first. I suppose that does not really even matter. All I can remember was my disbelief that Ole Miss was somehow up by a lot late in a football game against a ranked SEC team and my delight that D.K. Metcalf, the son of a former Ole Miss all-American offensive lineman, someone who was undoubtedly raised to have no respect whatsoever for Mississippi State, made like a dog and fake peed on the turf at Davis Wade Stadium.

I started laughing to myself at the damn dinner table.

Jim: Oh, Bob, you barb. Let’s see, where was I? —

Gray: I was watching the game in my living room, slowly dying from the agonizing effects of watching my team fart away multiple opportunities to bury Mississippi State. My inner monologue was ALL CAPS SCREAMING about how Ole Miss should be up by three or four scores, but were not because Ole Miss always stays on brand.

As I’m grinding my teeth (not for my state) and wondering how the inevitable Ole Miss collapse will go down, Jordan Ta’amu cut loose a deep pass in the direction of D.K. Metcalf. I saw Metcalf had one-on-one coverage and thought this is good. After Metcalf caught the ball, I thought, yes, indeed, this is very good. Upon him throwing off the defensive back like an annoying little brother and strolling into the end zone, I thought START THE HOLLERIN’.

As the pee celebration choreography unfolded, I was overwhelmed by the kind of delight that only occurs when a 63-yard touchdown is celebrated via ACTING LIKE A DOG PEEING IN THE END ZONE. It also helped that I knew all of Mississippi State was rage-pooping their pants, which ruined a second pair of pants that night after A.J. Brown made them rage-poop 10 minutes earlier. #NeverForget.

How did you all experience #PEEGATE?

Let’s hear it from Twitter.

Fuck Wolken.

Yo, Ross Bjork, make this happen. Thank you.

Not a photoshop.