We like to keep it light-hearted here at RCR, seeing as we’re the premiere Ole Miss humor blog on the internet. That’s why I asked managing editor Billy Gomilla over at And the Valley Shook to answer some off-color questions related to Saturday’s Magnolia Bowl, which itself has a very interesting history. Here’s our conversation, and thanks again to Billy. You’re the best.
RCR: Given that I've described Ole Miss' offense as a shithouse rat this season, how or even could a literal tiger defeat a literal shithouse rat? How long does a shithouse rat last in Mike the Tiger's cage?
ATVS: This is a short-term/long-term situation. Short-term? Mike makes quick, efficient work of that rat with cold, ruthless efficiency. Of course, given that a shithouse rat is almost certainly laden with well ... shit ... it's probably not going to sit well in the stomach, and Mike may be regretting his decision later on.
It's kind of like Houston Nutt -- sure, Ole Miss made back-to-back Cotton Bowls, but a few years later you're eating a kneel-down on the goal line. And you think you get it out of your system but hot damn if that rat didn't find a way to pop back up and create another burning situation that had to be cleared up.
RCR: What singular thing can Ole Miss do on Saturday to cause COACHO's head to completely explode?
ATVS: You know, sometimes it's hard to admit you lost the breakup. I can get that. But Ed's happy now, and it's not his fault you fell in with a carnival huckster from Arkansas, bounced from that to a Prosperity Gospel megachurch pastor who took your personal info, emptied the bank account and skipped town. It's tough, but you're going to be fine. And he's happy now. Be happy for him. You won't be able to really move on and enjoy another happy relationship until you do.
RCR: Ole Miss fans consistently say that they "ain't never lost the party." I've also heard this from LSU fans. What, if at all, would "losing a party" look like exactly in Baton Rouge, or, for that matter, NOLA?
ATVS: Probably something like the Grove, to be honest. [EDITORIAL NOTE: This is the harshest own]
RCR: I'm an Atlanta Falcons fan, god help me. How does it feel to root for the inverse-Falcons following Saturday's crazy comeback?
ATVS: God will never help you, James. Comebacks are fun -- much like Super Bowls are fun! And I mean, sure, 20 points over three quarters is certainly a pretty fun ride, but these things happen! I mean, it's not like Auburn blew a 25 point lead in the fourth quarter. They're certainly not that pathetic. [EDITORIAL NOTE: Growing much angrier now]
RCR: As the premiere food blog on the internet, RCR is interested in the more quirky aspects of the human palette. Would you ever eat tiger meat? If so, how are you preparing it? What pairs best with tiger? What are you drinking, and don't say Abita.
ATVS: Off hand, a predator like that is going to be lean and probably a bit tough, so that's going to require a marinade, probably with a little acidity involved. Lime juice is probably truest to the animal's Asian roots, maybe with some rice wine vinegar and a few other aromatics mixed in. Maybe braise it and make a nice au jus. It's probably a dark meat, so you want to pair that with either a nice red wine or a darker beer.
Abita is fine, but the new hotness in Louisianan brewing is some of the New Orleans outfits like NOLA Brewing or Urban South. Maybe Baton Rouge's Tin Roof, which should have its Parade Grounds stout seasonal in a few weeks.
Thanks again to the very fine boys at ATVS for entertaining our totally impertinent questions about eating tiger meat. They’ll have my answers up later in the week. Keep the dream alive, everyone.