Around the SEC Week 3: WE GOT A HOT SEAT ON THE PLAINS

By now hopefully your hangover stupor has subsided enough to no longer feel the pure, unbridled RAGE AGAINST ALL THESE BLOWN LEADS, BOB. It’s midweek, you’ve been basically worthless at the office since Monday, and yet another highly ranked opponent is rolling into Oxford this weekend. Let’s hop around the SEC and see what’s happening with our 13 other rowdy brothers and sisters.

None of the conference teams in the AP Top 25 suffered upsets in Week 3, leaving all eight of those clubs still ranked heading into Week 4. Ole Miss of course was the only one of that group to lose, but the Rebs are apparently flashy enough in voters’ eyes to remain at No. 23. After No. 1 Alabama, No. 10 Texas A&M is the next highest of the bunch, followed closely by No. 12 Georgia, whom we’ll get to in a minute. Pipe down, Bulldogs, we know this is “your year” or whatever.

Finally, and this story is only tangentially related to SEC football in 2016, former SEC football man and famous tearful speechifier Tim Tebow had his first workout with the Mets’ instructional league club on Monday, and that is a sentence I just wrote. Honestly, though, it’s genuinely interesting that he’s doing this — it’s kinda hard not to root for him in this context — and I thoroughly look forward to the Braves and Mets trading him back and forth every other year until we’re all long-since dead.

And now for your Week 4 SEC whip-around.

A Georgia fan was so excited about the Bulldogs’ win over Mizzou that he celebrated his way into the hospital.

Meet Michael DiNardo. Michael DiNardo is (we assume) a student at the University of Georgia, and Michael DiNardo is a passionate Bulldogs football fan. On Saturday, as No. 16 Georgia squeaked by unranked Missouri in the waning minutes of the game — a fourth-and-10 last gasp touchdown pass for the go-ahead score, mind you — Michael DiNardo experienced a psychotic split that impelled him to thrash a cooler, sprint into a bedroom, hop joyfully on the bed, and then blast his torso through a window pane (slightly graphic).

Such utter disregard for life and limb may strike you, sane person that you are, as somewhat dangerous, if not entirely unnecessary. But you are not Michael DiNardo. No, Michael DiNardo is out here in these streets for UGA every damn day, and especially on days when UGA is struggling with Missouri. Michael DiNardo is willing to hospitalize himself for the sake of one-point wins over a formidable SEC East foe.

That’s right, Michael DiNardo, Bulldogs number one. All stitched up and ready for Oxford.

Gus Malzahn continues apace in his rabid pursuit of mediocrity.

Look at this daring bit of strategy which lost Auburn the game against Texas A&M on Saturday.

GIF via SB Nation

That’s right. Fourth and 18 from their own 26-yard line, down 13 with 60 seconds to play, and Auburn quarterback John Franklin III ducked out of bounds ... to stop the clock. You know what else he stopped? The Tigers’ chances of a comeback.

Gus Malzahn is probably coaching for his job at this point. What is it about coaching at Auburn that makes national championships seem so effortless one year, and then backsliding terribly the next two or three years? Has any program — with the exception of Georgia — so under-performed with such strong recruiting classes? Granted, it’s hilarious for anyone not at Auburn, but it’s also mind boggling how deeply the Tigers regress into slumps such as these.

Anyway, back before the season started we jokingly said that Malzahn would be done by Week 3, but it really feels like we’ll wake up one Sunday after a particularly horrid Auburn loss and Gus will have been shit-canned somewhere east of Starkville. Just like that. Poof.

Elsewhere around the SEC ...

Dan Mullen may also find himself on the hot seat currently [CANNED SITCOM LAUGHTER].

It’s Florida-Tennessee week, so naturally Florida doesn’t have a quarterback right now.

Leonard Fournette threw a Mississippi State player into Hades. Leonard Fournette is basically Zeus.

Look at this picture of Will Muschamp (h/t Daren Stoltzfus).

“YES, I KNOW MY SCREAMING IS LARGELY INEFFECTUAL FROM A GAME AND PROCEDURAL STANDPOINT BUT THERE’S JUST SO MUCH GOING ON INSIDE ME AND THIS IS THE BEST WAY TO EXPRESS THAT INNER TURMOIL.”