College football Week 2 viewing guide: BERT vs. TCU and BUTCH in Bristol

That Ole Miss gets lowly FCS Wofford on Saturday is consistent with the majority of the AP top 25 this week. Alabama hosts Western Kentucky, Georgia welcomes Nicholls State, Houston entertains Lamar, and Texas A&M gets Prairie View A&M, just to name a few.

Still, what else are you gonna do on Saturday? Chores? Nah. Exercise? Please. You, like the rest of us, will park yourself on the couch and actively root for Tulsa to decapitate No. 4 Ohio State because joy at the suffering of others is one of life’s greatest ecstasies (Tulsa-Ohio State is at 2:30 p.m. CT on ABC, by the way).

The noon and 2 p.m. games on Saturday are awash with underdogs pitted against giants, but there are two prime time games that could prove entertaining, if only because Butch Jones and Bret Bielema may get embarrassed on national television. Permit one to hope, anyway.

Here’s what we’re watching on Week 2 Saturday.

Lamar at No. 6 Houston or Charleston Southern at No. 3 FSU

11 a.m. CT on ESPN3 | 11:30 a.m. CT on FSN

Houston’s thrashing of Oklahoma last week was more satisfying than a half rack of Texas BBQ ribs, and the Cougars certainly appear determined to run roughshod over any Power 5 team they meet this season. Such a heady opening performance by Tom Herman’s team might set them up for disaster if they’re not careful, though, and how hilarious will college football Twitter be if that’s how things play out?

Houston losing to Lamar is highly unlikely, so in the event that the Cougars are up 50-0 in the first quarter, head on over to FSN for a real storyline game. Look, we know you’re sick of Jimbo Fisher’s stupid face, and frankly we are too, but CSU took a heavy hit this week when it emerged that some 14 players — including the entire starting offensive line — were suspended due to a snafu at the campus bookstore. Without firing up the NCAA SCREAM MACHINE here, this is a sucky situation for CSU’s players and it’s only going to be compounded by the pounding they’re bound to take at the hands of FSU.

Kentucky at Florida

2:30 p.m. CT on CBS

Here’s your Verne Lundquist fix for the week, and it follows closely in line with this week’s watch guide, which is BAD FOOTBALL PLAYED BADLY. Ole Miss goes at 3 p.m. CT on SEC Network, but you should check in on this game for its sheer what-the-hell-are-they-doing factor. Florida’s defense is fairly solid again, but following the transfers of three different quarterbacks since this time last year, the Gators’ offense is woefully inept. Also, Kentucky is Kentucky.

Arkansas at No. 15 TCU

6 p.m. CT on ESPN

BERT needed some late magic last week to eventually down Louisiana Tech, 21-20 (lol), but it would fit in well with his Arkansas teams of yore to just sorta show up and shit in a top-15 program’s queso dip. Then, he’d go out there and inexplicably beat them on the field. Whatever, even if the Horned Frogs blow out SOOIE PIGGIES, that’s not so bad television.

No. 17 Tennessee vs. Virginia Tech (at Bristol Motor Speedway)

7 p.m. CT on ABC

We’re hoping that something like this happens:

Screencap via SB Nation

Because there will be 150,000 very drunk and bewildered football fans present to witness it. At a NASCAR track no less. This’ll lend a whole new meaning to Butch Jones blowing a gasket! ZING!