In a horrific affront to God and the fine people of Mississippi, Ricky Stenhouse Jr. had the gall to don an Ole Miss-themed NASCAR helmet for last Sunday's race at Watkins Glen, and as rightful retribution for his crime Our Almighty sent a maroon and white colored thunder bolt to zap him right out of the proceedings.
The internet's best destination for Ole Miss sports news and notes, Maroon and White Nation dot com, was quick to spot the direct linkage between Stenhouse's disgusting headgear and the pursuant collision, the possibility of which attends every event involving human beings operating hyper-competitive automobiles traveling at speeds in excess of 200 miles per hour.
Stenhouse, Jr. was the one who caused the multi-car pileup. I guess when you side with Ole Miss these days you end up on the wrong side of things. Better luck next time … without the Rebel paraphernalia.
This is devastating news for Ole Miss fans across all professions, inasmuch as all Rebel-themed paraphernalia has seemingly been imbued with the world's strongest and most fast-acting hex in the history of hexes, or the world.
Stenhouse Jr wears Ole Miss helmet & crashes. Is this a foreshadowing of things to come for the Ole Miss? https://t.co/gpsigF2qPa— Dawg Smack (@dawgsmack) August 7, 2016
Stenhouse is wearing an ole miss helmet, and like ole miss, can’t make it to the end.— Bunt Murphy (@JDog5513) August 7, 2016
@Carvell_AJC @seccountry must plan on cheating— Bearion-Ledger (@OldMissBears) August 6, 2016
But perhaps there's another layer to this sinister juju. Perhaps an SEC football coach facing serious jail time went so far as to personally bless Stenhouse's helmet and thus doom the driver to embark on what was in retrospect a suicide mission.
Everyone be sure and pull for my friend @StenhouseJr this weekend as he wears the attached racing helmet. #SIPBOYZ pic.twitter.com/k7jK8fYwOm— Hugh Freeze (@CoachHughFreeze) August 6, 2016
Oh no, Hugh, why. How could you do this? You've brought the black taint of an NCAA investigation down on an innocent NASCAR driver. You personally, Coach, caused this crash and the thousands of dollars worth of damage to Stenhouse's and those other drivers' cars. Add those thousands to the already colossal mountain of money needing to be returned to the NCAA. This is on you and no one else, my dude.